Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[rioroller]

They must have been terrified, truly shocking behavior on your part!

Why is it the OPs fault the parent is a feckless oaf. If the op covers for her she’ll do it again and again.

I think the OP did exactly right. I’d certainly never take a strangers child home. Leaves you open to all sorts of batshit accusations. And let’s face it someone loony enough to do pull that sort of stunt ain’t the full ticket.

Never mind the fact that a missing parent who isn’t answering calls coming from someone who was looking after their child would lead anyone to think something bad had happened. In which case the children need to be in the hands of someone trained to deal with such a situation.

[Yumyumbananas]

YANBU. Other mum is a CF! I would mention it to nursery too as a safeguarding red flag.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I think it was reasonable to assume that something might have happened to the CF mum and therefore the police were the best option since you couldn't stay. At the very least she should have had her phone to hand if she knew that her older child was unsupervised and that she had run beyond the party time. Obviously, as you say OP, the thing that most people would try to do would be to wait at the venue but in your circumstances your mum's need to get to work totally outweighs the CF's need for a hairdo.

Keep your fingers crossed OP that you end up in a different primary school from her.

[CJsGoldfish]

The other mother was completely wrong and I would have been FURIOUS.

I would never, ever have punished the small children for her failings the way you did OP. I don't believe there was no solution to you leaving the child out of the party room or abandoning them the way you did.

Yeah, yeah, it's the mums fault overall but your spite doesn't make you any better than her. You took out your (rightful) anger on two small children. If the mother could do what she did, I'd say they needed a friendly adult more than they needed someone making a point at their expense

[Mrscog]

OP you are definitely getting a hard time. What a ridiculous parent - I had DS's party yesterday and they're at an age (6/7/8) where most parents go, but every single one handed over their DC and said 'is it alright if I go? what time is collection?'

I would personally complain to the soft play for being so inflexible about the food room in what was an emergency situation. Very heartless of them and I can see why it would be hard to be assertive in that situation.

[dutysuite]

I wouldn't have left them to be honest, just because I would worry about them feeling scared. I would have left a message to say I had taken them to my house. But then I know the parents quite well of children that I invite so I know they would be fine with it and I would be too. She was definitely in the wrong for going on the missing, that can't be argued at all!

[Troels]

Sorry you are getting a hard time OP.
I'd text CF mum back. I'm not a mind reader or a babysitter, the party ended at xx time as per the invite. I could not stay on longer than I did as I had other responsibilites.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

You did the right thing leaving them with the centre staff since they would call the police. It is a shame the police didn't contact social services since the parent is deliberately not providing suitable supervision and could use some support to parent better.

[TheInvestigator]

At my local soft play, you simply aren't allowed to take extra kids into the party room. A few people have ended up in this situation due to parents leaving extra kids, and the answer is always the same from the soft play, "NO extra kids in the party room so you will need to stay outside to watch them or ask another parent to watch them". So another parent ends up having to stay out to watch the kid, but they will not let them in the room.

OP didn't have a choice in that if it's the same rules.

When the party was over, OP had no more childcare as her mum was going to work so what... her mum should call in sick to work because some other mum abandon her kids? No. She tried over and over to get the mum on the phone, she had no more time left to wait because she has other children and they needed picked up. The only option is to call the police because the children had, for all intents and purposes, been abandoned. But they were playing happily in a soft play so certainly not traumatised.

The fault is 100% with the other mum and OP did all she could.

[bobstersmum]

I agree she was cheeky. But I would have let the girl in the party room and then id have taken them home with me and told the mum.

[FromDespairToHere]

All you people berating the OP are the reason why CFs get away with it.

If the children are upset then that is down to the mother and nobody else.

[CountFosco]

I would have let the sister into the party room. But talking to the venue and them calling the police is exactly the wake up call that CF parent needs. If more of us did what the OP did there would be fewer CFers in the world.

[Margot33]

I think that you should have fed the older child. Leaving her alone without food was awful. But agree that you shouldn't take them home. As she may have been in an accident so the police really needed to know.

[SinkGirl]

If this happened to me and I couldn’t reach the mother for that long, I would be thinking that something awful had happened to her (car accident, seriously ill etc) so I would be calling the police but I wouldn’t be leaving them whether I knew them well or not. One of those kids was 4 or maybe even 3, there’s just no way I could do it.

The CF is clearly disgraceful, there’s no way I could do what she did, but I couldn’t leave the kids either. I’d have called the person babysitting and tell them I had an emergency, messaged any friends who could possibly pick up the baby or who could wait with the kids at soft play while I picked up the baby, because I’d be thinking that those kids are about to experience something absolutely awful.

I hope she really understands what she’s done but she doesn’t seem to, does she?!

[PinaColada1]

Massively cheeky but all too common. Really sloppy parenting and that’s why the police had a word rather than say oh it’s fine. You even tried to call! It’s good she’s been flagged up tbh.

I had no idea everyone left their kids at birthday parties anyway! I had one for DS aged four in a nice playground, with a paddling pool and tea shop etc. I wasn’t prepared at all for two parents just going off! I didn’t have their number and one was trying to get out into the road. Of course that parent showed up really late too. Always check whether it’s okay to leave. I now know and do parties at places where they can’t escape but still!

[Purpleartichoke]

If possible, I would have had grandma bring the baby to you so you could stay and wait for the police.

I couldn’t have taken the kids with me because I never have two spare car seats. At most I would have one and that one would only be sized appropriately for a child the same age as mine.

[coconutpie]

Would people not RTFT. And also, who has 2 spare car seats just lying around to take 2 extra DC home unexpectedly? OP could not wait because she had to collect her baby - do you suggest that her mother (who was babysitting) had to call in to work that she would be late because some random person at her grandchild's party decided to fuck off for the afternoon and leave her DC unattended?

The ONLY person at fault her was the CF mum.

[Drum2018]

I would actually give you a trophy for your actions. So many times on mn people are looking for advice on how to deal with a CF - well this post should be pinned as an example of how to do it! It's refreshing to see a parent stand up and refuse to take shit from some stupid bitch who didn't have the decency or manners to let you know she was leaving, didn't answer her phone and didn't arrive back to collect her kids in time. I for one applaud you op!

[piratehooker]

Completely with you here OP, I don't understand why some posters' vitriol is directed more at you than the CF mother. It's not like you got to the end of the allotted time, threw up your hands and went 'Oh well, never mind, sod those abandoned kids, I'm out of here!' You did the best you could in the circumstances, and of course you couldn't have just waited until she came back, regardless of whether your Mum had work or not (perfectly valid and acceptable reason to leave, of course).

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

I cannot believe how hard people are being on you OP.

You absolutely did the right thing, it was not your responsibility to get them to your house or keep and eye on them. You did what would be expected by contacting their mother. When she did not reply for over an hour naturally you are going to assume the worst.

I love how many people are living in fantasy land expecting the grand parent watching your daughter to miss or be late for work. Expecting you to babysit 2 children for go knows how long and for you to transport 2 children to your house with no car seats. In the real world you did exactly the right thing.

[PinaColada1]

Btw can’t believe anyone is berating you!

None of this is your responsibility. The poor girl has a feckless mother. End of.

[Sexnotgender]

Can’t believe you’re getting such a hard time.

All the people saying I’m sure the sibling could have come into the room. You weren’t there, how do you know this would be the case? The soft play likely has limits on numbers for health and safety.

The only one at fault here is the irresponsible mother who abandoned her two children without so much as a by your leave.

OP had to pick up her baby otherwise her mum would be late for work. Why should her mum be late because someone decides to ditch their kids for a bit?

[SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo]

Of course you did the right thing, OP. And the PPs who are suggesting that you were spiteful are batshit crazy! The only information you had was the report that she'd gone to the shops - and that was cheeky fuckery to start with. You tried to get hold of her on multiple occasions. If she'd been at the shops, been gone way past the time she should have picked up at AND wasn't picking up the phone, OF COURSE phoning the police was the correct course of action. OF COURSE it was reasonable to assume something terrible had happened. As it turned out, she was a C.F. of enormous proportions and not only had arranged a hair appointment during a party (which she must have known would take longer than the duration of the party) but also left an uninvited sibling there. OF COURSE it's right that the police were called and that the incident has been brought to the authorities' attention. The mother is neglectful and the kids need looking out for but not by the host of another child's birthday party.

Seriously, I don't often get involved in these discussions or use shouty capitals but this I felt I had to wade in with the number of weirdos trying to pin blame on the OP.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

To be fair to the staff not letting an extra child into the party room, I think soft play parties are prime cheeky fucker territory so they probably have to be very hard line about it. It's a one off for the OP but I expect the same situation crops up at the venue several times a day.

[Strokethefurrywall]

100% on your side OP.

All you people berating the OP are the reason why CFs get away with it

Yup. Why on earth should the OP and her family be inconvenienced because the dickbag of a mother? And why on earth should the OP shoulder ANY of the blame for leaving the kids in a safe place - FFS this place.

I like how everyone is going nuts because you should have taken them home with you... yeah because everyone knows two extra car seats and space in a regular 5 seater magically appear at the click of a finger.