Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[RebootYourEngine]

I think you did the right thing. You had no idea where this woman went so involving the police was exactly the right thing to do.

[AnotherExWife]

YANBU, the cf mum wasn't answering the phone, she could have been in an accident or anything. Leaving the children unattended without telling anyone and then ignoring phone calls is bad behaviour, poor kids. I hope the talking to from the police has made her rethink her behaviour.

[CharDee]

I think you did the right thing. You had to leave them so that your mum wasn't late for work. You had no choice and as pp has said sometimes neglect can go unnoticed so the police coming was the best thing to make sure those children are safe.

Hopefully she'll think twice before leaving her children with a complete stranger again. What an irresponsible woman!

[endevo]

I would have done the same OP, the Mum was an idiot, why should you be responsible for her kids!

[needsahouseboy]

I’m with you OP. The mum was ignoring your calls and you had no idea where she was. Anyone that just dumps their kids in a soft play and fucks off needs talking to by the police.

[Littleraindrop15]

With you op she's a cf

[Fraying]

You handled this very badly. Of course the older child could have come into the room. I also can't believe that neither you nor any of the other parents offered to look after the girls or know the parents well enough to know whether being late was out of character or not. Sometimes people do get caught up. Your inflexibility was appalling.

[EhlanaOfElenia]

She was definitely being a CF, but I can't believe you left the kids and let the centre call the police. Absolutely brilliant!

[Hiddenaspie1973]

Yanbu. Hopefully she'll consider her children's needs next time.
I had a similar experience with mum turning up 40 mins after party ended. She'd taken her other kid to a stage show and thought she could be in 2 places at once. I kept ringing her, to be told "I'm 5 mins away".
Her boy was a sweetheart, but I had a go at her out of his earshot.skank.

Luckily, they moved shortly after.

[YogaWannabe]

She was cheeky bit my god you were incredibly cruel 1- not allowing the sobkumg into the party room and 2- leaving them behind for the police to be called. They must have been terrified, truly shocking behavior on your part!

[SilviaSalmon]

Without doubt the DM was a CF.

But one of the girls was an invited guest at your party and very young. You decided to abandon her and her young sibling leaving them with strangers at the venue. Imagine how scared they must have been. Think how you’d feel if someone did that to your DC.

I’m also that you left the sibling crying outside the party room.

[YogaWannabe]

*sibling

[Dumbodog]

Honestly, I would have loved to have waited but I have my own responsibilities. Her kids are not my responsibility. I only know her youngest to see at nursery and had never even seen the eldest before! I had told them someone would be here to collect them soon before I left and the staff kindly let them keep playing. It's not like I stood them in a corner and said the police were coming to terrify them. They were happily playing.

[Rrxox]

So how long are you meant to wait?
Are you meant to beg/pay for the soft play to feed the additional abandoned child?
After an hour of no answer with calls and the party ending so collection times done how are you meant to know the cf is sitting safely in a hairdressers?

Police would’ve been called if it’d been my dc’s party, you’ve no clue if their mum had mh issues or had been involved in an accident especially since she wasn’t answering her phone.. really how hard is it to send a text. Even if I’d been given the ok as the cf mum to leave my dc’s I’d still have my phone in my hand ready to return if there was an incident.

And lastly who has two extra car seats just sitting spare in the car

[Dumbodog]

Also, all the other parents fucked off as the party ended. I was the only one even trying to handle it. No offers to stay or take them home.

[Iseewhatyoumeanthistime]

Cross post OP - your mum had work, perfectly reasonable that you had to collect your other child. And the way i read your OP, was that the police spoke to their mum, assuming at the venue, they didn't take the kids to the local custody suite or anything. Yes it probably wasn't nice for them but it does make me wonder, if she is capable of just abandoning her kids at a party without informing anyone for a haircut what else would she do....
Imagine if the OP had been written from haircut mum... WIBU to leave my kids unsupervised at a party whilst I went for a haircut.. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, the party host tried to ring me for over an hour. I didn't answer. I was late to collect them, I didn't tell anyone.... the police were called as none of the other parents including the party host could wait for me to return, and I was given a telling off... yeh like anyone on here would have had any sympathy for haircut mum then !!

[unicorncupcake]

Also, all the other parents fucked off as the party ended. I was the only one even trying to handle it. No offers to stay or take them home.

It wouldn’t occur to me to hang around at the end of someone else’s party to make sure all the kids were collected.

[Leavesofgrass]

You did the right thing. This mum's behaviour is seriously out of order, and hopefully this will be a wake up call to her.

[CremantDeLoireSocialist]

You did exactly the right thing OP. She was incredibly irresponsible. Who just abandons their kids without even telling anyone? And as others have pointed out, something could have happened to her such as an accident - in fact when she didn't reply or come back that would have been my assumption.

[LivingDeadGirlUK]

I guess a lot of the replies on here show why she thought she could get away with it.

[SuziQ10]

The mum was completely out of order.
And she made the whole situation worse by not picking up her calls / speaking to you.
But leaving the kids at the soft play at the end... heartless. Yes you have your own responsibilities, but how you walked away I don't know. I never could have done that.

[Sicario]

There is a lot to be said for spelling it out, in writing, like it used to be in the olden days (and certainly before the internet came).

Invited from [3-5 or like 2 hours max], with drop/pick up/stay arrangements, contact numbers, blah blah.

The DC helping to write the invitations is an invaluable lesson that raises a lot of interesting conversations.

[BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty]

@DartmoorDoughnut has it spot on.

OP tried and tried to get a response from CF, to no avail.

Softplays are sometimes vvv strict on who goes into the party room

We don't know how good OPs relationship is with her DM who had to go to work - if it was my parents, I'd be in a heap of bother

We don't know how sanctioned the GP would have been for being godknowshow late

I believe the OP did the right thing. All the CF had to do was tell the OP she had a hair appt, was it ok to leave the two kids there and perhaps leave enough money for the older child to have had some food.

OP doesn't know CF enough to know if she has form for this but she might be neglectful. If she isn't, this won't have done her any harm. But if she is, then the incident being on record could help the kids out one day.

Just think.

[HappyLife21]

I think you did the right thing. If you had stayed she wouldn’t have realised just how unacceptable it was.

[Prinstress]

I think you did the right thing letting the police come.

The poor kids would’ve been terrified but that’s not your fault, or responsibility. Like you say she might’ve never turned up, were you supposed to unquestioningly adopt them if so

You could’ve ended up staying there for hours waiting for her to maybe show up, ON YOUR DCs BIRTHDAY! Hope they enjoyed the party, it’s so stressful hosting without any of these antics!

I mean who the fuck leaves their kids to go get their hair done, she blatantly ignored your calls and tried to blame you for her shitty parenting?! Wow.

Imagine being that not arsed about your kids?