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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 04/03/2019 20:30

Of course the other mother was incredibly irresponsible and out of order, but, like most parents, I couldn't have left the two small children there without any adult responsible for them

The staff were there - responsible adults who knew what they were doing by calling the police.

Goldmandra · 04/03/2019 20:30

I wonder if some of the people giving you a hard time are doing so because they try a bit of CFery on occasion too.

You would have been way out of order to take the children back to your own home without express permission from their parent. No way would I ever consider doing that for anyone other than a fairly close friend.

These children didn't know you any better than they knew the venue staff so I fail to see how you staying would prevent them being scared. It doesn't sound like this was an issue anyway if they were just carrying on playing.

I might have been inclined to push the staff to allow the child to join the party but, at the same time, this was clearly the mother's intention and it would just encourage her in her CFery.

As an ex-childminder, I wouldn't dream of putting children in a situation that caused them unnecessary distress but I also wouldn't just feed a child who I didn't know or take two children that I didn't know home, whether I had car seats for them or not. I think I would have done exactly what you did.

Katinkka · 04/03/2019 20:31

Good for you and well done for having some balls. Cheeky bitch.

Wearywithteens · 04/03/2019 20:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

VelvetPineapple · 04/03/2019 20:32

I don’t think OP has done anything wrong. CF Mum had dumped her kids without telling anyone, there was no way to contact her and no way of knowing when she’d return. OP couldn’t wait indefinitely, and if she had waited it would have been pandering to CF-ness. It was absolutely the right thing to call the police and say two kids have been left and the mum is un-contactable.

SpiritedLondon · 04/03/2019 20:35

The staff were there - responsible adults who knew what they were doing by calling the police

But the soft play staff weren’t in receipt of any of the details though were they? .... the police would have preferred someone with some actual first hand knowledge of what had happened to call rather than some random staff member. The OP didn’t know the mother was getting her hair done until later and just decided to leave. Not my problem mate. Sadly that’s what happens nowadays CF or not.

Everydayimhuffling · 04/03/2019 20:35

You did the right thing OP. There wasn't much else you could have done given that you had no idea where the mother had gone or what had happened to her.

MingoMango · 04/03/2019 20:36

I think you did the best thing you could at the time

InsomniaTho · 04/03/2019 20:37

CF of the year so far. Leaves her kids without asking you. Doesn’t answer her phone. Is late back to the party. Then has the audacity to have a go at you.

People are fucking weird.

Itssosunny · 04/03/2019 20:37

I am sure the girl could have shared a few bits with her sibling. Party places are not that strict. She could behave been just sitting at the table. Not a nice behalf on your behalf OP either.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 04/03/2019 20:38

"It's my son's birthday party today. Someone left her two kids with me without a word. Only the youngest was invited. The party is now over but the mother has still not collected them. I've been trying to phone and text her for over an hour. She's not responding. I don't know this woman. I don't know where she is or if something has happened. I NEED to collect my baby from the babysitter now. She cant wait any longer. I have no way of taking these children with me. What do I do??"

Betcha the responses would be to contact the police and/or social services. They'll be able to find their family if something has happened to the mother etc etc. And probably one helpful comment about "Why cant your DH pick up his own baby?"

Itssosunny · 04/03/2019 20:38

Not a nice "behaviour" on your behalf OP either

Itssosunny · 04/03/2019 20:39

On the other hand it's a lesson for mum. Total irresponsible.

Eliza9917 · 04/03/2019 20:39

What if someone took one of the CF mother's kids and no one knew because she's fucked off and everyone assumes she's got the kid?

She deserved to be spoken to by the police imo.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 20:41

Not a nice "behaviour" on your behalf OP either

Why berate the OP what on Earth should she have done? Leave her small baby with her mother making her mother late and continue to entertain these 2 children she hardly knows? What if something had happened to the mother is she supposed to stay at the Soft play all evening until it closes and when the mother continues to not show up at what point can she call the police. The OP DID NOTHING WRONG!

Sorry for shouting but I'm bloody astounded so many people are trying to paint you as the 'baddy' in this situation.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 04/03/2019 20:42

I think you did exactly the right thing OP, I bet the mum knew she was chancing her arm a bit but hoped you would just suck it up, as many people on here seem be saying they would have.

But it is totally not on to leave your kids in someone else’s care without 1. checking that they realise that the kids are now in that persons care and 2. checking that this is actually OK. And it was a hair appointment? How embarrassing for her to admit to abandoning her kids at a soft play for such a trivial reason.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 04/03/2019 20:42

OP has done absolutely nothing wrong. I'm glad that the other Mum was 'made a show of' by the police as it might teach her not to be such a shit, neglectful parent in the future. The police should have called social services too, disgraceful behaviour from her. Horrible woman.

billybagpuss · 04/03/2019 20:42

I think the OP is being given much too hard a time here, her stress levels must have been through the roof by the time she actually had to leave. She was left with no easy choices here at all.

Did the CF actually let you get a word in edgeways during her shouting at you OP?

fromdespairto · 04/03/2019 20:44

I don't understand PP's point of view. The CF mum was in the wrong. Why should you and your mum be inconvenienced because she wants to jolly off and have her hair done. She hasn't prioritised her children so why should you?

I feel bad that her child will likely not be seeing any more party invites if this is how her mum behaves.

barkinatthemoon · 04/03/2019 20:44

w t a f .... I cannot believe so many people are saying you are in the wrong op! This woman basically used your sons party as free childcare so she could go and get her hair done! And didn't even have the decency to tell you she was leaving. Who the hell leaves a 4 year old at a party uattended?! I'm actually gobsmacked some of the people on here think you should have just waited around for this mum who wasn't even answering her phone, while you had your own children to care for, or suggesting you take them home, as obviously you have an abundance of spare, age appropriate car seats lined up in your car for such a situation. You 100% did the right thing, and hopefully this will be a lesson for her irresponsible behaviour. Even if she did get her wires crossed and think it was okay to leave her children uattended at the party, to turn up late is inexcusable, and to not answer your calls.... wtf. Surely if your phone rang while you weren't with your children and it was the party host or an unsaved number, your instant thought would be "oh god are my children okay?" To ignore the calls and then rock up late... smh. Hopefully the police will have shaken her up, and it'll be a wake up call for her. Taking it our on you, is shame and guilt for what she did wrong.

Drum2018 · 04/03/2019 20:45

But the soft play staff weren’t in receipt of any of the details though were they? .... the police would have preferred someone with some actual first hand knowledge of what had happened to call rather than some random staff member

The staff knew as much as the op - that the mother had abandoned her 2 children, having left the playcentre without a backwards glance. Op couldn't have given any more information than that.

shirleyschmidt · 04/03/2019 20:45

Well that mother is a complete and utter ARSEHOLE, no doubt about it. I don't think you did anything 'wrong' and I agree it wasn't your problem but I still feel very sorry for her children that you weren't a bit more kind in dealing with them. It wasn't their fault.

VelvetPineapple · 04/03/2019 20:46

The CF Mum had obviously planned it in advance as well, as she had presumably made the hair appointment. There is no excuse for just buggering off and leaving your kids without telling anyone where you’re going or when you’ll be back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2019 20:47

What an awful mother. Very poor form of the venue not to let this one young child come into the party area.

As for the comments against you op and a couple of suggestions you should have taken the children home, I’m astounded. Op would have been crazy to take them. She could face serious charges and a possible jail sentence!

It’s really ideal that you left them waiting for the police. However under the circumstances I don’t see what else you could have done.

Sadly from her attitude and things she said to you, I don’t think the mother learnt anything from this experience. The police should have informed social services and I agree with a pp, who suggested to flag this up to the nursery.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 20:47

I still feel very sorry for her children that you weren't a bit more kind in dealing with them. It wasn't their fault.

I am curious to all these poster who have said similar. What exactly should the OP have done to be more kind? Surely you are not suggesting she stays with them indefinitely at the expense of leaving her young baby with someone who should be going to work?

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