Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[Onceuponacheesecake]

I think it's the fact that you couldn't contact the mother that tips it for me OP. In reality, as you say, you had no idea where she was or if she was okay. Because honestly, who in their right mind would leave their children with someone they don't know, without even telling them, and then not answer repeated calls?? If I was the OP I'd be convinced something terrible could have happened. So no, I don't thing the police being called was the wrong thing to do however I think it's incredibly unlikely I'd have left the kids there.

[MumOfAPickle]

I can’t believe this thread! How on earth is the OP getting as hard a time as the neglectful mother (this goes way beyond cf in my opinion).

In every other thread of this type people always say oh you shouldn’t let cf’s get away with it, you need to stand up for yourself blah blah and now we have an OP who did just that and everyone piles in and tell her she’s wrong (and cruel apparently - the mind boggles).

FWIW OP, you did exactly the right thing. The children were safe, secure and with professionals who will have had a least the basic safeguarding training. And, despite the hysteria on the this thread, it seems that they were not overly perturbed by the situation.

As someone who works in social services I think you gave a neglectful mother a sharp shock which could potentially stop her doing a similarly dangerous thing again, something that on another occasion could have more serious consequences. All those people who have said that they would have taken full responsibility for this strangers children (even going as far as to say they would take them home!) are, frankly, idiots.
YANBU at all.

[AuntieCJ]

Well done, OP.

[WildfirePonie]

YANBU, she's a CF.

[starray]

It was cheeky of her to have even let her elder daughter tag along when it was only the younger who was invited. If she has wanted the elder uninvited daughter to join in the party, she should have stayed around with to supervise.

I think you were right to do what you did.

[SnowyDaze]

The only person at fault is the kids’ mother. Hopefully she will think twice about dumping them next time. They weren’t the OP’s responsibility, particularly as the other mother went no contact, probably on purpose

[MTGGirl]

I take 2 13 yr old boys to play every friday night. The venue is a small comic shop where you have to pay an entry fee of 5£.
It started in september, kids decided and one friday this kid shows up (he's been around before, I know him and like him too). No food, no entry fee, he just comes along. This meant I had to take the family car, not my Smart. This happened 2 more times when I said to him that he needs to pay for himself.
The event ends at around 11 pm(ish). I expected mum to show up for her son, but kid told me he should be going home by bus. He needs to change busses half way. No, I took him home. Then at the same time when I told him he needs to pay I also told him he needs to tell his mum to pick him up.

Now is March. In these months there was at least 4 occasions when mum texted his son (not me) to ask me to bring him home. (it's extra 15min) drive. Last week I was running late with baking, told the kids to get the bus, as it's 19 min and goes door to door. I followed with the Smart. CF mum texted her son to ask me to drop him home. This meant that I had to make a trip with DS's friend, go back for my own son. This also meant that the guy running the shop had to stay extra 15 mins to look out for my son as he is a nice guy and didn't just close up shop.
This was the last time though.
Twist of the story: I don't even know the mum. The kid is at ours every Tuesday and Friday, I feed him dinner, take him,..blabla and the CF mum never had the decency to introduce herself to me. Let alone maybe say thanks for feeding his teenage son (eating for 2 obviously :) as they all do at this age).

[Uptheapplesandpears]

All the people saying you were BU are doing so based on assumptions. There were assumptions that your mum could've waited before you clarified she couldn't, and there are assumptions now about the soft play being willing to let an extra child in and about there being room in your car.

[BlimeyCalmDown]

Well she won't be doing that again will she! Hopefully the shock will make her take responsibility for her own children instead of sneaking off to get her hair done and not answer her phone when she knew you must be thinking WTF!

[TOADally]

I also think you should complain to the centre about their inflexibility in not allowing an abandoned child to stay with you in the party room, especially as they were prepared to call the police once you were leaving and the children became their problem.

I don't think the fact that you couldn't take the child in to the party room was your fault at all - it was the centre's. The staff were right to inform the police due to all reasons mentioned previously.

The rest was just plain CFery on the mum's part.

[BirdieInTheHand]

The Mum was a CF but I'm stunned you left the kids there

Prepare for no one to attend your kids parties in the future - parents will be too scared of what you might do

[MindatWork]

@MTGGirl sorry to derail the thread (and you sound lovely) but why on earth are you letting her take you for such a mug?!? Every sentence of your post I was expecting you to say how you called her out but it just got worse and worse 😣

[PuppyMonkey]

I totally take your point OP about it not being your responsibility, but in all honesty, I couldn’t have just left the two little kids there waiting for the police to turn up. I mean, I know it turned out mum was just a CF, but what if something really awful had happened to her, an accident or etc? And the kids would be there alone to deal with that - after a party you’d hosted?

Weren’t you the least bit curious to know?

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

Prepare for no one to attend your kids parties in the future - parents will be too scared of what you might do

Such daft scaremongering. Yeah parents should be scared that the OP will phone the police if she discovers the 2 children have been abandoned, their mother has gone AWOL and the party they were attending has long since ended.

The only thing other parents should be scared of is this mum doing the same at their kids next party.

[BackforGood]

Why didn't one of you go and get the baby from your Mum's and the other stay behind with the children? I'm presuming no-one would try to host a child's party on their own, so if you didn't have a dh / dp there, then you would have had another responsible adult with you.

Of course the other mother was incredibly irresponsible and out of order, but, like most parents, I couldn't have left the two small children there without any adult responsible for them.

[Michaelbaubles]

At every soft play party I’ve been to there have been siblings (paid for by parents) who aren’t allowed into the party room. It’s no big deal to them (and they usually get some pickings at the end anyway). So the girl not being allowed in isn’t the huge cruelty everyone’s trying to make out it is. And I wouldn’t have room, car seats, or quite frankly the energy to take two almost unknown children home with me! I can’t believe anyone would!

Honestly people on here talk the biggest load of shite about what they “would” do - just waiting for someone to suggest befriending the mum in case she’s struggling and popping cakes on her doorstep every now and then...

[Michaelbaubles]

I’m a lone parent and I’ve hosted parties on my own, what an assumption to make that there must be someone else there too.

[Drum2018]

@MTGGirl you are a complete mug! Cop on to yourself and stop bringing this other lad. Get his mother's number next time you see him, call her and tell her to collect him asap before you bring your own child to his activity.

[HallowZombie]

Well done OP, I would not have taken the children with me either, imagine if anything had happened to them in your care. The CF thought it was ok to leave 2 children in your are without telling you. You did the right thing and left them in a safe place.

[1Wildheartsease]

Since the 2 children didn't know you any better than they knew the staff at the soft-play centre - it seems perfectly reasonable to have left them in the care of the centre. This is where the mother left them.

Taking them somewhere else without the mother's permission when you don't know her or the children would be wrong even if you could do it safely in your car. (Do you have many spare car seats?)

It is sad that the older girl was left-out of the party food part - but centres can be very strict about numbers and you didn't know if she had allergies/sensitivities AND you hadn't permission from her mother to feed her. Imagine how bad things would be if she was fed and did react to a food.

UANBU

[Strokethefurrywall]

Prepare for no one to attend your kids parties in the future - parents will be too scared of what you might do

Like? Please elaborate - I'd really like to know what parents should be afraid of the OP doing....

Or is this, as I suspect, a thinly veiled attempt to imply that the OP is at fault somehow for the mother's neglect simply because she didn't subsume responsibility for someone else's kids?

[voxnihili]

@Dumbodog - you did the right thing. You tried to contact the mum, then informed the staff who made the decision to call the police. The children were left in the care of the staff.

I work with children and our policy is to wait for 30 minutes then call social services if we've had no contact with parents. I've always waited but I now have my own child so I may have to leave them in the care of other staff if it happens again (not sure what the policy is on that - something else to check before I go back to work!).

[woodhill]

Poor you OP. Why was CF mum not answering her 'phone.

We used to take no's of parents as routine and the cheek of the sibling being left too. Yanbu

[MTGGirl]

@MindatWork Probably because the kid is genuinely nice and I feel like he's a puppy drawn to kind word and and a hug. And he said on multiple occasions that my cooking is way better than his mum's as they mostly eat egg/veggie rice at home. But it has to stop as this last stunt went too far. I have no idea how someone can think it's okay for a 13 yrs old to go home by public transport at 11pm in London.
But you are right, I have been taken for...