Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are mean with presents?

203 replies

gotweman · 04/03/2019 18:37

Thought I’d do a reverse....

I’m 20 and at university. For my birthday, my parents promised me a new pair of glasses which will cost about £100. Other than that, I got £20 to buy me and my mates some pizza. I got a £1 card through the post too. This is all I got. For my parents we spend about £60 for their birthdays, and considering that we are only able to work for around 8 weeks a year due to university work/commitments it is a not unsubstantiatial chunk. My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300.

My parents are professionals with no mortgage and take several cheap holidays abroad every year. They have an income
of around £100k.

Were they mean, or am I being grabby and unreasonable?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 05/03/2019 14:44

'My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300. '

I think YABU

All this talk of who spends what and 1 pound cards is all very grim.

AliceLiddel · 05/03/2019 14:50

i dont think they are "mean". However I think it is a lot less than the girlfriends parents and looks a bit mean compared to them. However next to my parents who give £25, £120 is a lot.

my parents are mortgage free, have 6 figures sat in the bank and neither work anymore. They go on cruises several times a year. I do a lot for them and obviously dont get paid (dog sitting, drs appointments, shopping). We get £25 for birthdays and christmas.

My DHs parents pay a mortgage still, work 40+ hours a week (despite being older than my parents) and give us all (DILs and children included) £100 each on birthdays and christmas. I do a lot for them as well obviously.

timeisnotaline · 05/03/2019 15:05

This post should put up a gone fishing (because apparently that’s relevant) sign until the op can produce a clear sentence that helps understand this mess.

Mydollymolly · 05/03/2019 15:39

I've read this thread twice now and its still mind boggling. 🐟

Oct18mummy · 05/03/2019 15:44

Not mean at all. I’m sure they are helping pay for your university too.

TheLastNigel · 05/03/2019 18:33

Well we'll never know what goes on on those fishing trips either will we?

MollyHuaCha · 05/03/2019 18:41

The 'reverse' bit is confusing.

Maybe just forget reversing anything and just say who you are and what your thoughts are.

WhoWasIt · 05/03/2019 18:42

Not unless he carps on about the plaice he went fishing to @TheLastNigel, unless it's all codswallop. 😁

CoolJule43 · 05/03/2019 20:13

You are being grabby.

I think your parents have been very generous although I'm not sure why they would pay for glasses when you bought some yourself less than a year ago. Did they know? Overall though £120 plus a card is generous as are you in spending £60 each on them.

Your bf and his parents seem to have been overly generous unless they are loaded so those are insignificant sums to them.

Even if your parents are professional with no mortgage they may be sensible and providing for their future retirements and the possibility of needing to provide for care in the future.

They are probably doing you a big favour by not over-indulging you so that you become independent.

Imissgmichael · 05/03/2019 20:23

Why this emphasis on the glasses being prescription as if it’s relevant. You can glasses based upon a prescription for under £20.

This is an adult we’re talking about and a very grabby ungrateful one at that. Do they expect mummy and daddy to still do their washing.

Quite frankly if my adult children were so grabby I’d be rethinking their inheritance. Not that they would thank goodness.

Waveysnail · 05/03/2019 20:26

Thats loads. Your being grabby. ?reverse

HomeMadeMadness · 05/03/2019 20:30

I think it sounds like the DD expresses love via presents. As a student spending £60 on her parents' gifts is a massive amount. Her parents don't seem to make as much effort on birthdays presents. Their present was fine but in relative terms not as generous as the DD's present to them. Maybe the difficulty lies in different expectations. DD views birthdays as a big deal and thinks the giver should make a real effort. Parents disagree.

bebeboeuf · 06/03/2019 04:15

My ex could have written this post. When we were early 29's his parents were very well off. Multiple houses etc.

They would have strict birthday and Christmas spending budgets of £100.

I would spend on him whatever it was that I wanted I buy him. Might be £150 one year or might have been £500 or more other years depending on what it was

My parents would splash out on him too.

Now I'm early 30's. Not with ex anymore any my parents have reigned in their birthday and Christmas spending as have I .

I would try to spend not much more than £30-50 on parents and they would spend no more than £50-100 on me.
I much prefer if this way. It's so much less wasteful and excessive

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 06/03/2019 05:16

I wouldn't consider prescription glasses a present, so they gave you £20. It's mean

floribunda18 · 06/03/2019 05:23

I agree that glasses aren't a present.

k1233 · 06/03/2019 05:32

The only way it could be a reverse is if the parent wrote it?

I think kid is being grabby. Be grateful for all presents regardless of how much they cost and how much the giver earns.

brookshelley · 06/03/2019 05:40

Students are banned from working at Oxbridge and many medical schools

No they are not, all of the staff in college bar and tuck shop were students when I was there.

£120 is loads so YABVU.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/03/2019 06:16

I wouldn't buy a 20 yo old prescription glasses so I think the present is very generous.
If the student desperately needed glasses they can go to any chain opticians and pick a pair up for around £20.

MarthasGinYard · 06/03/2019 07:33

Oh and at 20

Buy your own glasses

Surfskatefamily · 06/03/2019 07:41

My mum spends about 15quid on me and dad spends 20. Theyre separated. I dont expect heaps since iv left home. They are not poor either but i dont need hundreds spending

origamiunicorn · 06/03/2019 07:42

This post should put up a gone fishing (because apparently that’s relevant) sign until the op can produce a clear sentence that helps understand this mess.

Grin OP can't answer a simple question about who they are, darting around the subject and throwing in random riddles to confuse. Do you work in Westminster OP? 😂

daisypond · 06/03/2019 08:02

they can go to any chain opticians and pick a pair up for around £20. - you've got no idea if this is possible or not - it depends on the prescription. If you've got poor eyesight, glasses, even at chain optiticans, cost many hundreds of pounds - it's the lenses that cost, not the frames.

IHateUncleJamie · 06/03/2019 11:13

As an aside: That 'Oxbridge bans from working' makes me have a massive eye roll.

AFAIK you can work a few hours a week with permission from your Moral Tutor. Oxbridge strongly discourage working in term time though, purely because of the short terms and the very intensive workload in termtime. With work, sleep, varsity team commitments and actually having time to see her friends for 5 minutes a week Grin my dd wouldn’t have the hours to work p/t in termtime. The workload for her subject is crazy. Makes my mind boggle.

If the OP isn’t on a team and is physically able from a health POV then with permission he/she could probably work a few hours a week and certainly during the long vac.

Anyway....OP FGS please just be honest with us; ask your AIBU so we can all understand it and then we can answer properly.

wonkylegs · 06/03/2019 13:51

Presents should never be about how much is spent!
A gift is a gift if it was 2p or £200 - it's the intention and the thought that counts, it's not about comparing how much was spent.
So with that in mind the situation of the giver and the receivers means nothing.
I think the receiver is mean spirited if that's all they can see. If we all measured life less on monetary value we might enjoy it more.

cleomummy · 06/03/2019 14:09

I don't think that's very mean, it's ok.

Now, my MIL is extremely mean With presents I think. Birthdays and Christmas is about £15-£20 pp. I asked for make up for my last birthday and she got me a mini version of it, my dd got a tiny toy set and three pairs of supermarket leggings. previous years I have been given a de-fluffier. she has very few people to buy for, us mortgage free, retired, and on a generous pension with her dh. Not in the same league as your parents but she goes on several holidays, cruise every year.

She even said she wouldn't be buying dh and I presents in future for Christmas even though he's her only dc. I think she's very mean with presents.