To think my parents are mean with presents?

[gotweman]

Thought I’d do a reverse....

I’m 20 and at university. For my birthday, my parents promised me a new pair of glasses which will cost about £100. Other than that, I got £20 to buy me and my mates some pizza. I got a £1 card through the post too. This is all I got. For my parents we spend about £60 for their birthdays, and considering that we are only able to work for around 8 weeks a year due to university work/commitments it is a not unsubstantiatial chunk. My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300.

My parents are professionals with no mortgage and take several cheap holidays abroad every year. They have an income
of around £100k.

Were they mean, or am I being grabby and unreasonable?

It's true- I just think a small 'fun' present would also have been nice. It doesn't have to be expensive- just a nice book or a DVD or something that's a bit cheerful.

Also to PP, the Cambridge college I'm starting at this autumn does prohibit working during term time. It explicitly states that students are not to undertake paid work of any kind (which I will have to anyway to support myself and DD, but which means it has to be either cash in hand or we can't apply for any discretionary funding. And also keep it very quiet)

I'd go nuts if someone else's parents spent 200 quid on me for a birthday. But I wasn't brought up to be an ungrateful spoilt brat.

That's her parents fault. You reap what you sow.

Do they contribute to your studies/bills. Did they buy your first car? If they are also spending money elsewhere then I think you've done pretty well!

Wow some sense of entitlement.

You have no right to have large sums spent on you and being annoyed that you were sent a £1 card is ridiculous. Cards are a token and fussing because someone didn’t waste money on something rather pointless is plain daft.

Are the parents assisting with university costs in some way? Assuming they are, be grateful. Even if not, stop being greedy and judging people on the price of gifts.

It's not just about the money I think. Our family (my parents + me as a kid) were through rough and great times. I almost always got personalized gifts that might not have been of great value in the rough patches, but were thoughtful and def not "needed". I do remember a year when I got very valuable presents, but they were run of the mill, no thought put into them. That was the worst xmas.

Deciding if it's mean or not: depends on previous years, habits,....
Expecting big gifts because they can afford it: would be grabby. Expecting to have heart in it, maybe regardless of value is what I'd be looking for.

Buying new glasses is like paying for dental treatment, a medical need not a treat!

BF and his parents spent £500 on you for a birthday - FIVE HUNDRED! things have changed since my student days, although I was a skint one.... this seems so excessive!

I don't think it's particularly mean.

As an adult my mother has always bought me a relatively inexpensive gift for birthdays/Xmas. Around £30-40 and my husbands parents spend about £50.

My mother is not nearly as well off as the OPs parents though & I am aware that my friends get a lot more and treated throughout the year with things especially when they were students.

My parents have never given me a gift that expensive and they are also high earners. There is just no need for gifts to be expensive.

They would have paid for necessary glasses, just as I will for my child when she is studying.

I actually find it very odd that a boyfriend’s parents are spending so much on you.

It doesn't sound that great to me,we have 5DC and our 2 oldest now work but they're still at home and we tend to spend about £400 on each of our DC for they're birthday's but I am very aware that that's alot more than alot of parents would spend but we could never give our children something that they need(the glasses)as a birthday present.

That sounds similar to what my parents spend on us. By contrast PILs spend a lot more but DH is an only child whereas I have a big family, so a similar budget has to stretch further. I think you need to get some perspective before you start to sound spoiled. Presents are one of life's bonuses, not a right, and you should be grateful for them whatever the size.

Was it her 21st? Otherwise fine. Maybe could have put something cute or fun in there as well.

Is the OP coming back to answer some of the many questions that have been asked?

£100 on a birthday is really bloody nice!! £200 from boyfriends parents shows that they have a lot of money to give away. I'm from a poorer background though so maybe that makes me bias

I think it's weird that your boyfriend's parents spent £300 on you. He is your boyfriend so £200 is different assuming he can afford that okay.

As an adult your parents spending £120 is absolutely fine, I cannot understand why so many other posters have said otherwise. The OP said she already had new glasses 10mths ago so they weren't needed they were a luxury.

Saying they have a £100k pa sounds more than 50k each, which doesn't make them wealthy.

I'm on 40k ish and I spend the same on my 22yr old.

I'm also confused about who the OP is, but the student is definitely being rude and grabby.

Meh.

For my last birthday my parents sent me a card and nothing else. DH’s parents sent me nothing at all.

I don’t care because I’m a grown

YABU. Very U.

I don’t know. I think merging birthday present and glasses is a bit weird if the Op is a student, and £20 for a “pizza” is a bit impersonal. A dvd or favourite bubble bath? A voucher rather than cash? It’s the lack of thought more than amount that was spent that’s the problem.

Lol @ “my parents are millionaires and I get a fiver!”

I'm a bit confused re the whole reverse thing, but sounds ok to me. That's the sort of thing adults get for their birthday. Wait till you're older and every gift you open on Christmas day is hand cream or a Christmas candle (if you're lucky) - then you really will feel pissed off.

Not mean. Assuming glasses were asked for not a necessity. Id just be getting the pizza money off my parents (not as well off in the income stakes but comfortable).

New boyfriends family and boyfriend sound rich. He must have got a disproportionate sense of what he is entitled to (you did say your son righr?)

The boyfriends parents have five children in total and earn about £250k.
The student’s living costs are paid for by a family trust fund that will run out after they are paid off.
His father likes to go abroad fishing several times a year.

This is getting weirder

What on earth have fishing trips got to do with anything ?

A dvd or favourite bubble bath?

I don't think you know many students. There are no baths - they all have showers. They don't watch DVs, it's all netflix on their laptops. . My dc would FAR rather have hard cash.

Fishing?

OP it would be SO much easier if you’d stop messing around with the reverse and just gave us a clue whether you’re the parent who’s been accused of being mean? Or the student who feels entitled to more expensive birthday presents?

Gifts contrary to popular believe are just that. Gifts. No entitlement and not a right.

I’ve got a headache! Someone please explain what I have just spent the last twenty minutes reading!