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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are mean with presents?

203 replies

gotweman · 04/03/2019 18:37

Thought I’d do a reverse....

I’m 20 and at university. For my birthday, my parents promised me a new pair of glasses which will cost about £100. Other than that, I got £20 to buy me and my mates some pizza. I got a £1 card through the post too. This is all I got. For my parents we spend about £60 for their birthdays, and considering that we are only able to work for around 8 weeks a year due to university work/commitments it is a not unsubstantiatial chunk. My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300.

My parents are professionals with no mortgage and take several cheap holidays abroad every year. They have an income
of around £100k.

Were they mean, or am I being grabby and unreasonable?

OP posts:
ShannonRockallMalin · 04/03/2019 19:25

Not necessarily teyem, Clinton’s do a lovely £1 range. But surely, it shouldn’t really matter? OPs parents have bought and sent a card in good time.

Kel801 · 04/03/2019 19:25

Eurgh yes granny and I reasonable.

NettleTea · 04/03/2019 19:26

I think its mean and you are not being grabby. That said, what did they spend previously and are they funding your studies? that may have an influence.
I spend more than that on my kids birthdays, and Im on tax credits

Onceuponacheesecake · 04/03/2019 19:26

My mum always sends me £20 on my bd so me and my oh can get a takeaway. I'm very grateful 😊 student sounds grabby

foodiefil · 04/03/2019 19:26

Sounds quite tight to me tbh.

You need to reduce your expenditure on them to £15-20

Glasses are a necessity not a luxury which is what a birthday present should be really unless the family has no money and needs to use birthday time to give what would usually be routine items

Littlebird88 · 04/03/2019 19:26

it's not about money... what they have shelled out ... what they can afford doesn't matter.

Mmmhmmm · 04/03/2019 19:28

Your parents are very cheap.

topcat2014 · 04/03/2019 19:28

My parents (who are millionaires) will spend about £50 on my birthday - eg a nice jumper etc, or some theatre tokens.

That is all I want.

I have never spent more than £100 on DW for a birthday either.

for context we are comfortable, and don't have to restrict ourselves when we want things the rest of the year

HollowTalk · 04/03/2019 19:31

But, topcat, if you're comfortable, you're in a very, very different situation to a student.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/03/2019 19:32

You're the parent I take it?

£100 for a (second) pair of glasses (which were presumably wanted) plus money for pizza plus a card seems perfectly fine to me. Why would anyone think that wasn't enough?

And why does it matter if the boyfriend and his parents spent more? One would hope that boyfriends like to spoil their girl- or boyfriend. His parents sound a bit over the top generous but that's their business.

On the other hand spending £60 on your parents when you are a non-earning student sounds a bit much.

NChangeForNoReason · 04/03/2019 19:32

An Over 21 would get £100 budget (total) at birthdays, a little more at Christmas. They would be told up front how much, then they would decide how it spent.

I would expect approx £30-40 gift for a part time working child at uni. I would also expect their presence at a family meal (which they wouldn't have to contribute to).

anniehm · 04/03/2019 19:33

We spent about £200 on our university aged kids but it was for phones that they "needed" I have them £50 for drinks too. I'm quite careful not to spend too much as they could very easily be entitled, and we already pay £4700 for one per year in costs, and the other lives at home but pays nothing and gets an allowance.

Alicatz66 · 04/03/2019 19:36

I think it's a bit tight ... I spend about 150 on my son who goes to uni next year .. and take him out for a nice family meal of his chiding ... I bought his glasses anyway and help him with clothes and bung him some money when I can .... but not a lot ! He will have to get holiday jobs for sure

Planeticket · 04/03/2019 19:37

Is it possible they don't know what to get you and believe you have everything anyways (ie you have a phone, tablet, computer etc)? If so it might be because for around £100 they are getting you a nicer pair of glasses and believe this is what you want, rather than you paying for your own glasses and getting the cheapest ones you could afford. I think if they help you when your in a tight spot, then this is fine and they're not tight. Birthdays just aren't that big of a deal as you get older and I think they expect you will mature about it now that you're paying your own way.

diddl · 04/03/2019 19:39

Is there some rule somewhere that states how much parents should spend then with regard to their income?

I had no idea!

Are they supposrting you at uni at all?

£100,000 is a good income, but hardly rolling in it!

Kismetjayn · 04/03/2019 19:41

@diddl I suppose it's all relative- to me on £21k for a family of 3, £100k is rolling in it!

Luna9 · 04/03/2019 19:43

Have they been good and supportive parents? Material presents are not that important and I think you are a bit spoiled.

Your parents have worked for their money and they can spend it however they like it. What they are giving you for a present is enough in my opinion.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 04/03/2019 19:46

I think £120 is very generous, you are at uni so therefore an adult, grow up.

diddl · 04/03/2019 19:46

Oh yes, Kismet, it's a very good salary, there's no doubting that-but surely the earners of it can decide how much of it to spend on an adult child's bday?

viques · 04/03/2019 19:49

Don't worry about birthday money op, think of the inheritance you will get when your old meanies kick the bucket.

Though of course they might decide you are comfortably off with your wealthy bf and leave it all to a more deserving cause,

Grin
livinglavidavillanelle · 04/03/2019 19:50

That's about what my parents have ever spent on me, and I've considered it fair enough. I usually spend about £60-£70 on DM for her birthday, but it would have been much less when I was a student.
Let's not get started on what they spend on their grandchildren (next to nothing, not that you asked!)

lms2017 · 04/03/2019 19:50

However my mum and dad choose to spend THEIR money is their business they earnt it . If they want to spend £20 on me that's fine I am Grateful, if they want to spend £100 I am equally grateful.

We're the glasses and designer pair you wanted not just what you 'needed'? .

My parents are mortgage free , but they worked bloody hard for it ! That doesn't make me entitled to some of it .

FunkySnidge · 04/03/2019 19:50

You are being grabby.
My parents don't buy me any birthday presents and last year when it was our 15 year wedding anniversary they sent me £15 and a card from a box set. I am still trying to work out what they had in mind with that but I was quite surprised they remembered even if it was a month late!

viques · 04/03/2019 19:51

Cake for a fellow Pisces !

GiantButtonsAreMyFave · 04/03/2019 19:52

You sound like a grabby madam. I’ve received about £50 for birthdays since I was an adult, that’s plenty. I spend maybe £50 on my husband, if we are even doing presents. Your student boyfriend spending that amount is just silly, maybe trying to buy affection and his parents have maybe got carried away.