To think my parents are mean with presents?

[gotweman]

Thought I’d do a reverse....

I’m 20 and at university. For my birthday, my parents promised me a new pair of glasses which will cost about £100. Other than that, I got £20 to buy me and my mates some pizza. I got a £1 card through the post too. This is all I got. For my parents we spend about £60 for their birthdays, and considering that we are only able to work for around 8 weeks a year due to university work/commitments it is a not unsubstantiatial chunk. My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300.

My parents are professionals with no mortgage and take several cheap holidays abroad every year. They have an income
of around £100k.

Were they mean, or am I being grabby and unreasonable?

Students are banned from working at Oxbridge and many medical schools

Are you/the son (sorry, I’m really confused who is who) on a course where you are banned from working?

I have a student son of 20. I wouldn't dream of calling new glasses a birthday present, even if they weren't strictly essential. His birthday is next week and I have bought him a new phone (spent a bit more as it's his 21st), also some other bits. Probably £600 altogether. I'm also paying for a meal out for him and his friends.
So yes, I think your parents may be a bit stingy but people think differently about gifts.

It all depends on whether the glasses were a necessity in which case I think it's perhaps a little stingy to call them a birthday present.

But if they were just because you preferred the frames to the ones you had bought 10 months ago then they are a gift.

The amounts your partner and his family spend are ludicrous and are perhaps giving you an unreasonable opinion of what is normal.

I think you sound a little bit grabby and self involved.

Do you know what reverse means op?

Francis it's not that unusual for a student to not be able to work at uni. Mine can't due to the sheer volume of reading and work, her studies would suffer.

I think it is a bit mean tbh. We pay for my dd prescription costs, phone contract and would pay for glasses if needed too. We only give about £50 for birthdays max though.

Yes, he's an adult, but he's at university and can't work in term time. They have plenty of money and could afford to be more generous.

I spend or give £100 to each of my children for birthdays and they are probably a similar age to you. I could afford more but think that is a more than reasonable sum to give. You are being grabby.

If he didn't need new glasses, whichit seems he didn't, then it doesn't matter that the £100 was spent on glasses. It was £100 on what he asked for surely? Why is it different to £100 on clothes or something?

I think it's more than generous.

Judging by your parental income I'd imagine they're assisting you financially throughout the academic term especially as you claim not to be able to work throughout the year. For some families birthdays just aren't a big thing so I think you're being selfish.

Given the context they are mean.

Parents of 20 year olds often got free university education, grants and no fees.

I support my children at uni because I realise it is more difficult for them than it was for me. I left with no debts they will leave with massive debts.

I wanted to have children, I wanted them to go to uni, I want them to be happy so I will lay out a bit of cash to support them at a time in my life when I have spare cash.

It's what families do for each other.

Are you actually the son or the parent?

Seems fine to me but I'm in my 30s and I don't usually spend £60 on my parents' birthdays so perhaps you should cut down on this. Presumably you wanted the glasses as your main gift?

That's incredibly tight. have you parents always been like this?

Are you the parents if this is a reverse?

I don't think £120 is mean. If the son wants to spend £80 on each parent that's his choice. It's also up to the partners parents to spend what they want, although I don't know many over 18s who get £300 spent on them.

Presumably they are spending thousands every year paying toward your living costs? You already had a functioning pair of specs so these were a gift.

Quit being a grabby brat.

We have student DC and, yes, that sounds pretty mean. We wouldn’t expect them to pay for their own glasses or to have them as a present. We take them’out for their birthdays and buy them £300 or so worth of clothes (that we choose).

I don't understand (or like) the reverse, so I really don't care whether you are the child or parent in this scenario.

Whichever you are, £120 is not stingy or mean. Adults shouldn't 'need' or 'expect' expensive presents. Any gift should be gratefully received and the sender thanked for their kindness. Anything else is just grabby.

You can easily work in the long, long summer holidays if you are at Oxbridge. Medical School isn't so easy.

My parents are probably a bit better off than described and about £100 is what they would have spent on me when I was 20 and a student, always seemed generous to me! I’m now 26, a mum, and back at uni doing a masters and they’d usually spend around £50 these days.

I must confess I’ve never spent £60 on them though, usually more like £30

Our DC’s GF at Cambridge worked all summer unpaid at her college.

The amount they spent was fine but not sure why they got you glasses if you didn’t need them.

Perhaps there is a reason they are mortgage free.

Spending £200 on your son’s boyfriend’s birthday present? Does he have a brother?

You're a grown up ffs! Just be grateful for what you get. People of your DPS' generation were often brought up in relative poverty and instinctively don't like to overspend when it's not necessary. (Hence the cheap holidays). I'm sure if there's something you really need, they'd be happy to help.