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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are mean with presents?

203 replies

gotweman · 04/03/2019 18:37

Thought I’d do a reverse....

I’m 20 and at university. For my birthday, my parents promised me a new pair of glasses which will cost about £100. Other than that, I got £20 to buy me and my mates some pizza. I got a £1 card through the post too. This is all I got. For my parents we spend about £60 for their birthdays, and considering that we are only able to work for around 8 weeks a year due to university work/commitments it is a not unsubstantiatial chunk. My boyfriend’s parents spent about £200 on me, and my boyfriend about £300.

My parents are professionals with no mortgage and take several cheap holidays abroad every year. They have an income
of around £100k.

Were they mean, or am I being grabby and unreasonable?

OP posts:
riotlady · 04/03/2019 19:02

@FrancisCrawford it might not officially be banned but it is heavily discouraged by tutors and very difficult to do with the workload.

I did usually manage to work the summer and sometimes Christmas depending on the availability of temp jobs though

formerbabe · 04/03/2019 19:02

Very mean especially considering their income and no mortgage.

Can't believe some posters are defending them.

PrismGuile · 04/03/2019 19:02

I worked 12-16hours a week for 40 weeks of the year when at uni... just saying. 2013/17.

It's not a huge amount, but you're not entitled to their money tbh... spend less on them if you think it's unfair.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/03/2019 19:04

I think it depends a bit on whether they're also paying for your college expenses too. I got very little during my student years because my mother was spending a fortune on keeping me at college.

If they aren't paying anything towards your college costs it seems on the less generous side given their income and the gifts you buy them, though presumably, they aren't expecting you to spend that much. But some people just don't put much store in large gifts. Perhaps your own gifts to them are a bit more extravagant than they are expecting from you?

TBH I find your BF's parents spending 200 on you more eyebrow-raising than your parents spending 120.

NunoGoncalves · 04/03/2019 19:04

Of course it's grabby. Receiving gifts is a privilege, not a right. You should be happy and grateful to receive anything.

If my adult son ever moaned about not getting enough, I'd be deeply ashamed.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2019 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippey · 04/03/2019 19:06

I’d say it was very generous.

Mrskeats · 04/03/2019 19:06

Very mean I would say. My parents are generous with me and my sister and I am generous with my kids. Glasses are a necessity not a birthday present anyway.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/03/2019 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IHateUncleJamie · 04/03/2019 19:06

I can’t answer properly as I’m too confused. Are you the parent?

My dd is at uni and I paid for her prescription glasses because she isn’t able to work p/t either. That said, she only has one pair so were the birthday ones prescription sunglasses or something?

DH and I are now on a low-ish income so £100-ish birthday present for dd is all we can reasonably afford. She’s always delighted with whatever we get her. I would never expect her to spend more than £15 on DH & my birthday presents as she only has her maintenance loan.

All very nice if she had a bf who could afford to spend more than we can but I’d feel slightly uncomfortable if bfs parents spent £200 on her birthday.

I wouldn’t feel “mean” though; unless it’s a big birthday I think £100-ish is perfectly reasonable. We visit our dd on her birthday though and take her out for a nice meal.

katseyes7 · 04/03/2019 19:07

l remember one of my exes (who was early 20s, and still lived with his parents at the time) whose bed was broken (l'm sure it was the one he'd had from being young) and his parents said he'd have to have it as a joint Christmas/birthday present. His dad was a professor, so they were hardly strapped for cash. l couldn't believe it.

teyem · 04/03/2019 19:10

If he was in his early twenties, why didn't he just buy his own bed Kat's?

AJPTaylor · 04/03/2019 19:10

So in total you got 600 quid spent on you for your birthday? Yeah, pretty tough life you have there.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/03/2019 19:10

Yes, it's their money to spend as they wish, but I do think it sounds mean, given that they don't sound remotely hard up.

We'd have paid for the glasses when dds were students, and probably also have given them considerably more than £20. And very likely something nice to open, too.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 04/03/2019 19:11

Why did he not buy his own bed? Early 20s is hardly a child so more than old enough to sort out the buying of a bed.

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 19:13

If the glasses weren't needed then no, I don't think it's all that mean. What if they have other kids? Could be spending loads.

LittleCandle · 04/03/2019 19:15

I'm a single parent in a low-paid job. DD went to uni and worked throughout, refusing to take a single penny from me. Of course, I would shop for her whenever I was visiting. She did 20 hours, but if she could do overtime, she did. During the holidays, she worked 80 hour weeks sometimes. Never would I have been able to pay £120 for a birthday present, and nor would she have expected me to.

You are being grabby.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/03/2019 19:16

I’d say it was tight, I agree with you OP.

Decormad38 · 04/03/2019 19:17

You’re probably ignoring the fact they are paying a shed load of money out for your accommodation at uni! Im paying for my dds rent at uni therefore she is getting cheap presents the next 3 years! YABU!

Travis1 · 04/03/2019 19:19

😂😂 my husband just got £20 and a £5 scratch card for his birthday from his parents. £120 is not to be sniffed at, especially since - I assume - they’ll be funding you through uni?

Grinchly · 04/03/2019 19:19

£100 ShockShockShock
Plus extras?
I was expected to live on my very tiny budget. £20 for Xmas and birthday and they were very well off.

ShannonRockallMalin · 04/03/2019 19:20

How do you know the card cost £1 and why would it even matter?

teyem · 04/03/2019 19:23

Oh, tbf, you can tell the £1 cards. They are on floppy paper with a picture of a kid kicking a ball in soft colours and a flowery poem on the inside left over from the eighties.

I'm not a fan of the op, but I know a £1 card.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 04/03/2019 19:23

you are grabby and unreasonable
truly

if you are the parent-then your child needs a slap

KurriKurri · 04/03/2019 19:25

£120 seems fine (presumably if the glasses were unnecessary, then they were a treat because you wanted extra glasses - they must have asked you if you wanted them/you asked for them).
I spent about £50/60 on my grown up DS for his birthday and he was very happy with his gifts.

I'd say spend less on your parents - £60 is quite a lot, I wouldn't expect my kids to spend anywhere near that on me.

Also you will find that as you grow up, and you have a partner then parents tend to scale back on gifts as they know you will be getting gifts from others, your boyfriend spent £300 and his parents £200 and your parents £120 - you had a pretty good haul IMO, lucky old you !

I'm a bit confused as to whether you are the parent or the DS, but whatever, the gifts are fine.