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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ex to fuck right off

120 replies

Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:29

Ex abruptly stopped seeing DD four months ago (new partner on the scene). Literally just stopped turning up, no contact since. She was devastated and it's only been the last few weeks she's stopped asking about him.

Her 4th birthday is in 3 weeks. I've just had a text off him: "whats happening with DD's birthday" I text him back and said 'in what sense?' and he replied "i want to see her"

I'm torn between ignoring him, sending him a laughing face emoji or replying 'well she wanted to see you when she was in the hospital for two days and when you didn't turn up to her school play and all the times she tried calling you and you didn't answer so i'd suggest you fuck right off asking whats happening on her birthday you utter cock'

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:29

There is no court order in place re contact.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/03/2019 12:29

Nope. I think that's perfect!

Mrskeats · 04/03/2019 12:30

I would send that text but then I’m a mardy cow. Is he paying maintenance?

FenellaMaxwell · 04/03/2019 12:31

I would bloody send it too

Queenofthestress · 04/03/2019 12:31

Nope, I'd send that!

PointlessUsername · 04/03/2019 12:31

Send the text. Poor dd.

Mediumsizeddancer · 04/03/2019 12:32

Are you the OP who walked past your ex with his new GF in town recently?

Your response sounds perfect

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:32

He's cut maintenance in half. And its a bloody week late each month until I text him and hassle him.

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 04/03/2019 12:33

I'd absolutely send that message.
And maybe see his response. But he doesn't get to swan back in and then fuck off again. What a dick.

Is he paying maintenance?

Ratbagcatbag · 04/03/2019 12:33

Would you get more by going to CSA? Let them deal with it?

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:33

No but he sounds like a cock too!

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 04/03/2019 12:33

Is he paying cms amount or above? If not then cms too. How people do this is beyond me.

sweetcheeksmahoaney · 04/03/2019 12:34

send that messge op.

Claw001 · 04/03/2019 12:34

She does deserve the opportunity to have a relationship with her dad, if at all possible.

M4J4 · 04/03/2019 12:35

Why is he asking what's happening on her birthday? Is he expecting to turn up to a party or something?

I would want to send this (but you know him better).

'You have ignored DD for four months. The abrupt way you dropped out of her life and refused to answer any of her calls was hugely upsetting for her. I will not allow you to drop in and out of her life at your convenience. If you want to see her, make formal arrangements through a court. Don't contact me again unless it's a through a lawyer.'

combatbarbie · 04/03/2019 12:36

I'd absolutely send that message and go through CMS for proper maintenance arrangements

Drum2018 · 04/03/2019 12:36

I wouldn't be telling him any plans. If he wants access let him go through the proper channels. I love your response but is it worth getting into a slanging match with him? Did he know she was in hospital, did you inform him of the school play? If not then there is no point bringing those up as he will throw it back at you that you didn't tell him. Don't send any texts that he can use against you if he applies for court ordered access. Has he been paying maintenance while he was absent? I'd either ignore it or just ask, why the sudden interest?

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:37

A relationship on his terms? I'm always interested when people say that, what they actually mean...At what point do you decide his right to see his child is worth more than the emotional wellbeing of a child who's father flits in and out of her life depending on his cock?

OP posts:
Fiveredbricks · 04/03/2019 12:37

Cms. Him seeing her now will just hurt your daughter even more.

Dieu · 04/03/2019 12:38

Men like this boil my blood, they really do. Your poor daughter ... and poor you too Thanks No jury in the land would convict you, OP! Wink And as an aside, what kind of woman would want to see a bloke who's making no effort with his child? Talk about a major red flag Hmm

cstaff · 04/03/2019 12:38

If he does turn up on her birthday and then disappear again for months at a time all that is going to do is devastate your poor daughter. What a waste of bloody space. Does he have any idea how his fucking around is affecting his child. Also if you are doing something for your daughters birthday make sure it is out of the house so that he can't just turn up unannounced.

Send that text - it sounds perfect.

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:38

Yes he knew she was in hospital. He blocked my number so I told his mum who told him. No text or call. Yes he knew about the school play, we have a shared calendar which I presume he can still access which has all the dates on it.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 04/03/2019 12:41

He blocked your number whilst your daughter was in hospital?
That’s shocking. Why?

outpinked · 04/03/2019 12:42

Gosh, what an arsehole. Definitely send the text and don’t let him attend. In all likelihood he’ll want some photos for his social media to look like Daddy of the year then he’ll fuck off again and won’t see her for months. It’s not fair on your DD. If he wants access he can take you to court and you can have an order put in place.

BejamNostalgia · 04/03/2019 12:44

Honestly? I think for your daughter’s sake the best thing to do is behave like an adult. Reply to him telling him how hurt and let down his daughter has felt and how much she’d missed him and asked for him.

Tell him that you’re not prepared for him to pick her up and drop her at will because it harms her emotional health. Tell him he has one last chance to be reliably on the scene with pre-agreed access, but if he does this again you are stopping access for good. That way he can’t say ‘Oh her Mum stopped me seeing her’, the ball is in his course and if he wants to carry on seeing her, he knows what he has to do, it’s his responsibility.

Don’t send a pointlessly snotty text because it’s not in DDs best interests for you to be at each other’s throats. Lord knows the poor child will need you to be an adult because her Dad clearly isn’t capable.

Don’t listen to people on here trying to egg you on. It’s just entertainment for them, they don’t have your DD’s best interests at heart.