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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ex to fuck right off

120 replies

Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 12:29

Ex abruptly stopped seeing DD four months ago (new partner on the scene). Literally just stopped turning up, no contact since. She was devastated and it's only been the last few weeks she's stopped asking about him.

Her 4th birthday is in 3 weeks. I've just had a text off him: "whats happening with DD's birthday" I text him back and said 'in what sense?' and he replied "i want to see her"

I'm torn between ignoring him, sending him a laughing face emoji or replying 'well she wanted to see you when she was in the hospital for two days and when you didn't turn up to her school play and all the times she tried calling you and you didn't answer so i'd suggest you fuck right off asking whats happening on her birthday you utter cock'

AIBU?

OP posts:
BejamNostalgia · 04/03/2019 12:45

Oh, and CMS.

Claw001 · 04/03/2019 12:46

If at all possible I meant by a relationship.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 04/03/2019 12:47

Send it. Cunt he is.

Claw001 · 04/03/2019 12:48

Totally agree with bejam

ScarletBitch · 04/03/2019 12:49

Send it then go through CSA to get your full maintenance. Believe me I'm going through the same shit with my ex and he has hurt my DC enough by doing this. Send the text and keep telling him to fuck right off until he starts putting his DD first.

StormTreader · 04/03/2019 12:52

"Since you've now utterly ignored her for 1/12 of her entire life, your interaction on her birthday is exactly the same as you've decided the rest of the time should be - nothing."

marvellousnightforamooncup · 04/03/2019 12:54

Bejam beat me to it. Don't be inflammatory even though it's tempting. Be your daughter's advocate and be guided by what's best for her. Probably better to explain what upset his actions have caused rather than telling him to fuck off.

timeisnotaline · 04/03/2019 12:55

I’d send it, and go through cms. Your daughter will only be more hurt if he drops in and out so may as well lay your cards on the table.

Bejam has a point but your text does convey rather well don’t you dare drop in and out of my daughters life and hurt her like that, and he hasn’t a leg to stand on to claim you’re stopping him seeing her if he blocked you and didn’t turn up at when she was in hospital after you had made sure he knew.

NotTheDada · 04/03/2019 12:56

My head agrees with Bejam, my heart wants you send that text... your poor DD Sad

KitKat1985 · 04/03/2019 13:03

I'd sent the text.

f83mx · 04/03/2019 13:03

God i'd want to rage but you'll be much better following Bejam's advice and then record EVERYTHING - screenshot/download text conversatiosn etc so that all logged. CMS and court access then.

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 13:04

Bejam et al, I understand what you are saying but you are giving him more credit than he deserves. He has been chased for contact. I've sat DD down and let her call him even though I knew he wouldn't answer. I've messaged his mother and asked her to facilitate contact. How many chances is enough?

OP posts:
Claw001 · 04/03/2019 13:04

My ds’s dad disappeared when he was about 5, he meet someone, moved in, changed his phone number.

At about 8, my ds asked could he see his dad. I made contact with his dad, through his sister. He saw ds 3 times before he disappeared again.

At 14 my ds asked about his dad again. I found him on Facebook. My ds has made up his own mind about his dad.

I have neither encouraged or discouraged contact. I’ve just seen it as not my decision to make.

percheron67 · 04/03/2019 13:04

Also, if it ever comes to court, a polite response is certain to gain the judge's sympathy more than a chavvy one.

Original poster
Lolasinthegarden · 04/03/2019 13:04

I can't take him to court to force access, that isn't how it works. If he wants to see DD he has to request it and go to court....which he's made no moves to do whatsoever.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 04/03/2019 13:06

I would send the message. Adding that you are now going to the cams over maintenance to make sure you get the right amount.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 04/03/2019 13:09

.....a child who's father flits in and out of her life depending on his cock?

May I coin a new term for this type of man? We already have cocklodger for one type - how about cockdaddy for those who see their DC only when their cock allows it?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 04/03/2019 13:11

Oops bold fail! anyway whatever text you send, make the CD go through the courts for access.

Sexnotgender · 04/03/2019 13:11

It’s so hard when it’s you left picking up the pieces every time he hurts her.

My ex is the same, he’s let DD down so many times.

I’m the same as a previous poster though in that if he contacts me I facilitate contact. I neither encourage nor discourage it.

He’s disappeared for months at a time with no communication.

Interestingly he’s now threatening court action to get ‘his’ 2 weekends a month, DD is FIFTEEN!

How I laughed.

JenniferJareau · 04/03/2019 13:11

I'd send the message but without the F and C in it. I get your angry, I'd be fuming too, but if a judge does ever need to make a decision on access you don't want that type of language to be seen.

mummmy2017 · 04/03/2019 13:13

I'd just send back....
Ref the birthday, you tell me what is happening.

Crystalintheeyes · 04/03/2019 13:13

Send the text. He’s a jack ass.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/03/2019 13:13

I would be sorely tempted to tell him to Fuck Right Off. He didnt give a shit when your daughter was in hospital? Seriously? M4J4's suggested text sounds brilliant. I feel so sorry for your daughter

cjpark · 04/03/2019 13:16

As much as he deserves that text, I wouldn't send it. It is too inflammatory and once written cannot be retracted.
Maybe text 'I have plans for DD's b day. She was extremely upset and confused by you stopping seeing her on...... It is not in her best interests to be exposed to this unsettling, irregular contact and therefore I suggest you propose a schedule of contact that is acceptable to both of us and DD.'
You have to rise above!

RissolePlease · 04/03/2019 13:17

I agree with @BejamNostalgia