Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would IBU to tell her to F*** Off!!

173 replies

lowkey21 · 04/03/2019 08:48

After a difficult few years of TTC I am over the moon that I am now 12 weeks pregnant.

Me and DP have been together for 11 years and been TTC for the past 3 years. He has one son from a previous relationship who is 12 years old.

After my scan on Thursday and everything is looking good Grin we decided to inform our parents of the good news. We asked them to keep it to themselves until after the weekend when DSS was over and we could tell him the news.

All went well with DSS at the weekend, he seemed excited and even said to us "in a couple of years when the baby isn't tiny and I'm a bit older I will babysit if you give me money for it" 😂
He also asked when the baby would be born and I told him the due date and he pointed out that it was 3 days after his birthday. I said "yes let's hope it's not on your birthday" he said "no I don't want to share my birthday" but it was all very lighthearted and he didn't seem upset or angry about this.

So... this morning DSS has gone home. He was home for about 20 minutes when I got a text from DSS's mum saying

"What the actual fuck?? Are you two for real? Have you done this on purpose or something? It feels like you've planned the due date to be on (SS) birthday"

She doesn't know anything about mine and DPs relationship or how long we have been TTC but I am still really upset and angry by her message and why she would think I would 'plan' a baby to be born on his birthday FFS.

I know I know... I'd still be unreasonable to reply "F** off" but I really want to!

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 04/03/2019 08:55

I don't know what she's been like in the past, but it sounds as though she's a bit miffed that you're having a baby: anyone who has had a child knows that it's nigh on impossible to pick a date you want a baby to be born unless you opt for an elective C section. It comes across as though she's looking for a reason to have a go. YANBU to want to tell her to f off, but maybe a 'don't be ridiculous' would be better - or ignore and let DP handle it.

NotSorry · 04/03/2019 08:56

probably best not to tell her that as it seems you have a lovely relationship with your step son - you can't argue with crazy - just smile and nod

CalmdownJanet · 04/03/2019 08:58

No don't but do put her on her place "Are you for real? Do you think people count ahead 40 weeks on the calendar before they have sex? Course it wasn't done on fucking purpose. But it's not a big deal so don't bother trying to make it one, ss will always have his birthday as before"

Brilliantidiot · 04/03/2019 08:59

Yes, it'd be unreasonable, for DSS sake but I can see it's going to take a lot of self control not to! It would me anyway!
I'd reply something along the lines of "It feels, or you feel? Because it's nothing to do with you other than knowing because an addition to the family will affect DSS. That's where your involvement stops. End of conversation"

I'd be prepared for him to be upset though, it sounds like she's kicked off and now he's seen her reaction it's going to make him feel torn about being excited to be a big brother.
From then on let your DH deal with her. Silly cow.

Georgieporgie1916 · 04/03/2019 09:00

I'd reply and be either sarcastic.. 'Thank you for the congratulations' or realistically... . 'are YOU for real?! What a ridiculous thing to say. I will not entertain this petty accusation further, don't text me bollocks like this again' .
That'll shut her up!

Original poster
lowkey21 · 04/03/2019 09:04

She's always been odd in her behaviour with me. She has said some lovely things to me in the past about how she loves that DP is with someone like me who has always accepted and has a great relationship with DSS.

She text me last week thanking me for talking to DSS about a private matter he asked me about and then told his mum after about it when he was at home with her.

Then this morning I get this. Every few months she finds a reason to send an arsey message about something it seems, but usually it's a misunderstanding and things are quickly solved.

I am shocked at this message and I can't understand it or why she would think that. I've not yet replied and not sure if I should or not.

OP posts:
Cleffa · 04/03/2019 09:04

I'd just reply with a laughing emoji and "god no! Imagine how nuts that would be!"

Cleffa · 04/03/2019 09:06

Actually just "No, why on earth would we do that?"

Make sure you say "we" not "I" your DP must have been part of the plan too!

tablelegs · 04/03/2019 09:10

I would ask her if she's for real?

What an idiot!

Original poster
lowkey21 · 04/03/2019 09:12

How about

Are you for real? This has to be a joke, right?
Bloody hell, why would we set ourselves up for what will be an expensive month 😂

??? Thoughts please

OP posts:
Original poster
lowkey21 · 04/03/2019 09:13

I am now thinking going the... kill her with kindness way

OP posts:
Damntheman · 04/03/2019 09:15

I like Cleffa's response. It takes the whole message as a joke and allows her an out once she's realised her crazy is just that, crazy.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/03/2019 09:15

Tbh I would not honour her with a response.
I did have a dc on ds's birthday!!
He gave zero fucks..
Did mean a shopping trip to a major shopping centre with a 3 day old baby though....

Damntheman · 04/03/2019 09:16

This one!

I'd just reply with a laughing emoji and "god no! Imagine how nuts that would be!"

Guineapiglet345 · 04/03/2019 09:16

I’d reply yes, we planned it to be on his actual birthday as a present for him, but I’m sure he won’t mind changing his birthday if the baby comes a bit early, you loon.

mondaysaturday · 04/03/2019 09:17

There are a lot of pithy comments you could make but we all know it's not about the due date and it's not about her son, it's the fact that her ex got another woman pregnant and she's struggling to cope with the idea. She's completely out of order but she's not your monkey and this is not your circus. Ignore and if her behaviour persists, let your husband deal with her.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/03/2019 09:17

Dont fall out with her. She sounds batshit crazy by the way. And congrats on your happy news, focus on that, not some nutter ex

honeylane · 04/03/2019 09:18

Hahahahah she sounds nuts

I would actually reply with a 😂

mondaysaturday · 04/03/2019 09:18

Oh and congrats on the pregnancy! :D

keepingbees · 04/03/2019 09:19

Smacks of jealousy to me.
I wouldn't honour it with any kind of response other than to tell her to grow up.
Baby could be due in a different month and still arrive early/late and land on his birthday. It's just tough.
Congratulations on your long awaited baby Thanks

BaronessBomburst · 04/03/2019 09:19

The baby might arrive a couple of weeks before or after DSS birthday anyway. Rs only an estimate.
DS was due two days before DHs birthday but arrived two weeks later, which is three days before mine.
Yes, its an expensive and cake-filled month!

MummaMinnie · 04/03/2019 09:21

How about replying with something along the lines of 'I'm so disappointed that you think this. We are delighted to be expecting our much tried-for baby and we didn't plan the date deliberately. It's lovely see how excited DSS is that he's going to be a big brother and it would be such a shame to spoil that.'

And if that doesn't work then radio silence but keep calm. She is the one with the issue, not you.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy Thanks

Pinklittle · 04/03/2019 09:22

Just ignore her, silence speaks more at times like this :) congratulations x

HoustonBess · 04/03/2019 09:22

Yeah she's being an arse.

But - did you leave DSS to tell her about the new baby? Might have been a good idea to give her a heads up rather than leave him to spring it on her. She might have worries about how it affects DSS, money situation etc. It's a big change for him and she's going to have to be involved in helping him adapt.

ChakiraChakra · 04/03/2019 09:24

Don't reply yourself, no good will come of it. Maybe get DP to reply to her reminding her that their son was not conceived with any particular date in mind, and that he came when he was ready, not according to a calendar date which will be exactly the case for this baby too.

Just as she doesn't know you've been TTC for 3 years, you don't know what's raw within her right now. For all any of us know she's TTC or had miscarriages or something else on her life is not good at the moment and her lashing out might not actually have anything to do with you. I'm not excusing her bad behaviour, but if you can muster a little compassion for her, even if you don't know of a cause for it, it could help you in dealing with her unreasonableness.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.