Would IBU to tell her to F*** Off!!

[lowkey21]

After a difficult few years of TTC I am over the moon that I am now 12 weeks pregnant.

Me and DP have been together for 11 years and been TTC for the past 3 years. He has one son from a previous relationship who is 12 years old.

After my scan on Thursday and everything is looking good we decided to inform our parents of the good news. We asked them to keep it to themselves until after the weekend when DSS was over and we could tell him the news.

All went well with DSS at the weekend, he seemed excited and even said to us "in a couple of years when the baby isn't tiny and I'm a bit older I will babysit if you give me money for it" 😂
He also asked when the baby would be born and I told him the due date and he pointed out that it was 3 days after his birthday. I said "yes let's hope it's not on your birthday" he said "no I don't want to share my birthday" but it was all very lighthearted and he didn't seem upset or angry about this.

So... this morning DSS has gone home. He was home for about 20 minutes when I got a text from DSS's mum saying

"What the actual fuck?? Are you two for real? Have you done this on purpose or something? It feels like you've planned the due date to be on (SS) birthday"

She doesn't know anything about mine and DPs relationship or how long we have been TTC but I am still really upset and angry by her message and why she would think I would 'plan' a baby to be born on his birthday FFS.

I know I know... I'd still be unreasonable to reply "F** off" but I really want to!

Congratulations! Don’t dignify it with a response. It really is none of her business and she must know it’s impossible to actually plan a due date.

Oh I hate people who say things like that about when babies are born. Both of my children are August birthdays and I’m a teacher. I’ve had the ‘you could have planned that better’ comments regarding the whole idea that children born in summer are at a disadvantage. We ttc for 3 years to get my eldest and fell pregnant whilst being assessed for treatment. It took a further 2 years and a bit to get pregnant again for 2nd child who was actually due September (I would have got the ‘you’ve timed that well’ comments) but she came early. Eldest is working at an average level for her school year group (but mag have ASD) and youngest is actually one of the most able in her class!!

I’d ignore the mother complaining about you deliberately having this baby on her child’s birthday. She’s obviously just angry with her ex having moved on. My ex moved on and had another baby and I can see where the resentment would come in, although we’ve never had issues with it
.

I would ignore it. Or say, yes, I hope it doesn’t come on his birthday too, as of course that would upset DSS. This gently flags up that you actually care about your DSS and are not, in fact, a heartless bitch.

But do not go postal or sarcastic on the ex. It’s not worth it for a bitchy text.

Do it

She's jealous, after being together for so long she probably didn't think you'd start a family. Maybe she felt she had something you didn't and felt superior as a result. I'd ignore the text, not worth the repercussions or if you can't do that keep it lighthearted as others have suggested.

How the hell do you “take” someone’s birthday?? Do you snatch it while they’re not looking?

It's exactly like the 'I got your nose' hidden thumb trick you do with toddlers

She's probably miffed you're having a baby together and also as her child maintenance will reduce!

low I only meant not to her, in reply to this text. Only because she’s just found out & is probably hurting that she didn’t have more children, brothers & sisters for DSS. I think some of the suggestions really would rub salt in that wound.

Birthdays aren't "taken away" but they can be shared.

Wow what an actual bitch
Even if she lashed out in anger ( although not sure why she's angry) she should of apologised as dss is happy about the Baby . Also as anyone who's has children they could come any time so maybe early by a few days or later by a few days so unlikely but not impossible that baby will arrive on his birthday. Very odd that she thinks it's planned I mean are you regularly having children on dss birthday

I'd reply "Gosh, no! We'd never do that. No, we planned for baby to arrive exactly 3 days after DSS birthday, y'know to give him time to open and enjoy his presents first. Durrr"

She's probably miffed you're having a baby together and also as her child maintenance will reduce

This won't be happening. And as I said in a previous post neither will the almost 50/50 contact arrangements change either with DSS

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it all runs smoothly.

DSS sounds a dream, hold onto that fab connection. Perhaps he would like to come with you to pick a few bits up once you're later on in your pregnanxy. It would be lovely if he could be involved, it sounds like he would love that.

I reckon it would have been an idea to give DSS' mum a heads up, her reaction might have been partly from the sudden shock. There was obviously nothing important between them except an accidental pregnancy, but new siblings will always have an impact.

He could even help write down name suggestions. An ex if mine's older stepson named his firstborn.

Your dss is going to have complex feelings about this new baby in his life. This is what I think is going on:

He obviously loves his father and you, and because of that he did his best to show you a good reaction to this news - he didn't want to upset either of you, he wants to be happy for you.

But of course, he's going to have worries and anxieties and some negative thoughts. He's been a trooper and tried to keep them to himself so that he doesn't upset anyone. But he gave you a little clue
about where his mind is going - he DOESN'T want to have to share his birthday of course - no siblings would want to really. He knows that the 'baby' of the family will be the centre of attention and he's been silently worrying about what that means for him.

But he's been keeping it all inside because he doesn't want to upset anyone. Then he gets home to the 'safety' of Mum and he gets to let everything out. That plus the stress of having to tell his Mum the news, he's old enough to be aware of the grown-up issues of this. I bet he even had a bit of a cry. He dumps all of this emotion on his mother.

Who then has to take that onto her own feelings which will be complex - and she latches onto one of the things which he might have stressed his worry over - and in the heat of the emotion fires off a text.

Your best option: Go high and be kind. You are the one expecting the new bundle of joy. You can be compassionate for the temporary sensitive feelings of your blended family.

@cabingirl I think you are right as many posters have also said that we should have told DSS's mum first and not allow her to have been told from him. Possibly where we did go wrong.

I think for us it was about telling the important people to us first and foremost and we thought it was more important that DSS knew before his mum... and wanted him to hear the news from us and not her which wouldn't have been guaranteed if we had told her before DSS.

We will definitely involve him in every step of the way

Sorry last post was meant for @BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty

Fantastic post, cabingirl.

My brother and I share a birthday. I love it. I always said he was the best present I ever got.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/mum-disgusted-partners-exs-message-14093642?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_main

Is she real? My DF died on my birthday, did he die on purpose to make me miserable ?Does she not realise due dates can and do vary very frequently from the actual birth date. Definitely seems a bit precious. Would tell her you did not choose a specific date to conceive contrary to what she is implying and then ignore.

Tell her yes you planned it so dh only has to remember one date for his kids' birthdays

Just left work to drive home in Australia and this story was on the radio!