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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
MummaGiles · 02/03/2019 09:45

Why did let you offer her the Prosecco from the fridge?

MummaGiles · 02/03/2019 09:45

Why didn’t you*

reallybadidea · 02/03/2019 09:46

Why do you keep saying that she didn't mention it to you? She asked your DH, who wasn't exactly falling over himself to go and get her some. I don't understand why you think she should have mentioned it to you as well if she really wanted some. That said, it seems like an overreaction, but I wonder what her side of the story is.

Mammyloveswine · 02/03/2019 09:46

OP why didnt you say to mil "oh I got some prosseco in for you, do you want that?" Tbh I would have automatically served wine at a family meal (yes even an unexpected one!) as your sister was celebrating! I find it strange that you wouldn't unless you had recovering alcoholics there in which case I'd have fancy alternatives.

So bizarre

Still can't get over the whiskey... if I'm unexpectedly celebrating I'd take a bottle of fizz (prosecco/champagne/cava/allthree). But each to their own.

Limensoda · 02/03/2019 09:46

You all sound a bit odd 😂Grin

EmeraldShamrock · 02/03/2019 09:46

Poor MIL. It doesn't sound like she was made to feel very welcome.
Was it her first time to stay.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 02/03/2019 09:46

Your MIL was offered whatever you had in the house after your sister and BIL showed up unexpectedly to toast an achievement. She declined. And then stropped off the next morning?

She sounds like a big baby, frankly.

We frequently don't have anything alcoholic in the house. We buy it in when we want it; we have a shop a 3 minute walk away as well. Family members cope just fine when they visit ... plus, as guests, they usually bring a bottle or two for all to share as well.

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 09:47

why does it take two of you feed the 6 month old?

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 02/03/2019 09:47

I don't think it's at all unreasonable that two people who don't drink much didn't think about the alcohol requirements of a guest beyond getting them a token thing (which I presume your DH knew about, so could have offered).

In any case, it is the DH at fault and categorically NOT op! Why should she be considered to be the guilty party for not interpreting/predicting MIL's wants better, when MIL's own child is in the damn house?

Waveysnail · 02/03/2019 09:47

This isn't about the alcohol. Your mil feels unwelcome. Could be the latch comment, could it be that your a little frosty, she hasn't got hold baby, anything really.

faw2009 · 02/03/2019 09:47

This is obviously so much more than the lager. Definitely other little things have occurred, thoughtless comments and actions combined with over- sensitive feelings (overlooked, unwelcome etc) stewing overnight...

I agree, your DH needs to sort this out. It's not your problem - you had enough on your plate.

EstrellaDamn · 02/03/2019 09:48

If you have a guest and they ask for a beer you don't say 'there's a shop down the road' Shock

You go and get some. Maybe more than one single bottle. Or, given that you know the woman, have some in for her.

She's overreacted but obviously feels uncomfortable. You need to chill out about alcohol!!!

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 09:48

Larger/lager it makes more sense now Grin.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door

Can you explain this a bit?

It doesn’t sound like you were being terribly welcoming. Presumbly you and your DH know she likes lager as this is not the first time you have met (!). I’d have just got some in for her or offered to pop up to the shop.

Your mil probs feels unwelcome esp if you're stating upstairs with her grandchild half the morning and hubby is too! It doesn't take two to look after a baby first thing. Your DH should've got up and made his mum (and you!) A coffee and breakfast!

Agreed!

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 09:48

It is pretty mean to have a shot of whiskey for yourselves and not offer the MIL an alternative

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 09:48

Is this not jst about her not feeling welcome and very little to do with the lager?

She came to stay for 2 nights and then on one of the nights your sister turns up and the whole evening turns into something else. She doesn't like whiskey, totally fails to make it clear that yes, she really would like her son to go to the off licence for a lager but instead sits there being polite stewing and feels completely left out while you, DH and your sister share family jokes or you are upstairs.

Also she's cocked up over the latch thing.

Her relationships with you and her DH have changed and instead of the trip she had in her mind, she's got something very different where she felt like an interloper although really she wasn't

Result - she completely over-reacts, you have no clue what it's all about but it really isn't about a lager.

EstrellaDamn · 02/03/2019 09:49

And all your guests left so the baby could go to bed?

OP you sound rigid as fuck, no wonder she felt unwelcome.

Sosad2004 · 02/03/2019 09:50

If she usually likes wine why didn’t you offer her some of the 2 bottles you have in?
It all seems a bit mean & controlling I.e you got in a small bottle of Prosecco, is that a mini bottle - like a 187ml bottle? If you are hosting people it’s normal practice to get in extras for them but to dish it out minute servings is a bit odd. I think its come across as resentful, and that’s why she’s upset?
To make it up to her go and buy her a nice 4 or 6 pack of a brand of lager she likes.

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 09:51

My bad on the offering prosecco. I was juggling making dinner, unexpected house guests and a hungry baby. So had my hands rather full.

What was your husband doing then?!

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 02/03/2019 09:51

OP, does your DH have any sisters? Did you and MIL get on well enough before the baby? I'm wondering if maybe she was hoping for more of a role as helpful mother figure, or a mother-daughter sort of vibe, and is disappointed that she's not getting it. Seeing you have a nice time with your own sister might have tipped her over the edge. I'm not sure this is really about the lager (or she could have alcohol issues too, you never know - accusing people of policing your consumption is weird otherwise).

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 09:52

Why do guests have to leave as the baby needs to go to bed? In that situation one of us would put the baby to bed while the other continued hosting.
I know that’s not the point of the post and honestly I know how difficult it is with young babies. We have a 5 year old, 3 year old and a 7 week old but still got wine in for the IL’s when they stayed over for a few nights last week and hosted as normal.

RB68 · 02/03/2019 09:52

MIL over reacted - she was offered plenty, she could easily have said to her son - don't fancy any of that would you go and get your Mum a couple of tinnies from up the road - do you mind. And he should have gone. It was unexpected pop in by rellies celebrating. We generally don't have alcohol in at all, I don't drink much at all - Christmas and if I am out somewhere not driving maybe one or two. I would never think of it if I am honest.

Those of you with fridge fulls and getting stuff in for people visiting to see baby am a bit goggle eyed at levels of acceptable drinking!

ChateauNeufduTwat · 02/03/2019 09:53

You and your husband sound joyless and controlling.

But then I'm Irish and we like to make all our guests feel welcomed, relaxed and catered for 🤷.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2019 09:53

What does DH do around the house?
Why didn't DH sort his Mums drinks out?
Is DH always useless?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/03/2019 09:53

I imagine she doesn't feel very welcome. You complain about the latch, you both stay upstairs whilst she is downstairs, you fail to provide her with a drink and yet you manage to rustle up extra food for your sister and her partner at the drop of a hat. I would think she feels like you only make an effort for your family.

Mammyloveswine · 02/03/2019 09:53

OP I don't think it's unusual at all to drink less or not go out with a baby but I think your constant references to the EXACT amounts are strange.

A simple "we don't really drink" would suffice.