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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
Theconifers25 · 02/03/2019 09:13

I would have probably got some beers in for guests staying at my house on a weekend. Just good hosting innit.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2019 09:15

She had a single shot (measured)
She had a what what?? I suspect your so very measured and controlled approach to alcohol and refusal to get her a lager (no second r) has made her feel judged and like some bumbling alcoholic.
I'd be curious if I was you to know what the whole conversation was.

rainbowstardrops · 02/03/2019 09:15

*unwanted. Not wanted.

OKBobble · 02/03/2019 09:15

By the same token if you are visiting people don't you generally take a bottle of wine/few beers/soft drinks with you?

ashtrayheart · 02/03/2019 09:16

It seems an overreaction but I doubt it was because you didn’t have any lager. There seems to be a general issue around alcohol consumption within the family?

LuckyLou7 · 02/03/2019 09:17

Why on earth didn't one of you pop to the shop and get her some lager? You have a strange, almost controlling, attitude to alcohol. Are you scared of becoming drink dependent?

Luckingfovely · 02/03/2019 09:17

I think both of you sound batshit.

FiveLittlePigs · 02/03/2019 09:18

I agree with @Mmmmbrekkie. You're at great pains to point out how you don't drink much, your husband’s mum asks for a beer and is told there's a shop. Not very accommodating, the better answer would have been ”I’ll go and get you some, sorry, any preference?”

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 09:18

By the same token if you are visiting people don't you generally take a bottle of wine/few beers/soft drinks with you?

Yes I would always take something, but it’s usually intended as a gift for the host.

Meandwinealone · 02/03/2019 09:18

There will be a drip feed about alcoholics in the family. “My dh uncle died from drinking 50 cans a day” type of thing
And my husband suffers from ptsd and looking at a can of lager brings on a panic attack.

Longpinknails · 02/03/2019 09:18

Is there more to this....does your MIL have a drink problem and think you are watching her? Hence the issue....

HisBetterHalf · 02/03/2019 09:20

why can she not manage one night without alcohol?

ApolloandDaphne · 02/03/2019 09:20

Crickey how hard would it have been to get a 4 pack of lager in for her? I buy it when my DD and her DP visit as that's what they like to drink. It's called being hospitable.

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 09:20

It's really different to go visit friends and to go visit your child. I have never expected my mum to bring her own! She popped me out of her body so the least I can do is to hvae her favourite drink and nibbles when she comes. I also don't bring my own when I visit her. She always has something ready too.

I think your mil felt left out. Everyone is enjoying "measured shot of nice whisky" and she gets offered non alcohol or things she doesn't drink.
2/10 for hosting.

FiveLittlePigs · 02/03/2019 09:21

We don't drink alcohol but we will buy in drink when we have guests, it's what hosts do to make their guests feel welcome. And we don't use measures, either! Grin

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 09:21

@Meandwinealone I could smell it since middle of page one 😂

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 09:23

@HisBetterHalf because everyone cheered with "nice whisky" and had a drink, but she was left out. It doesn't seem to me like "can't manage one night without"

TooTrueToBeGood · 02/03/2019 09:23

3 sides to every story. I wonder if one of the other sides would include something along the lines of "passive-aggressive, inhospitable and judgemental hosts".

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 09:24

why can she not manage one night without alcohol?

She did manage a night without alcohol. However the people around her were having a drink (albeit a ‘measured’ shot of whisky) she fancied a lager and for some reason was made to feel judged for doing so.

siestakey · 02/03/2019 09:25

If she can't go a single night without some extra alcohol I think you have other issues on your hand.

I understand wanting your guests to feel comfortable but if you didn't know she wanted lager beforehand you can hardly cater for her? Did she not say a brand she likes or anything?

I don't think Op or her husband have done anything wrong, they drank with her, offered other things and informed her a nice beer/lager shop was just 3mins away.

(Also I measure my alcohol at home too OP, I don't like to over drink, calories! And also don't want a stinking hangover the next day).

Hairyporker · 02/03/2019 09:25

You do sound a bit like the fun police tbh.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 09:27

Thanks for your comments. To clarify. She said 'no bother' at the time to DH so he didn't think any more of it until this morning. She didn't mention anything to me (not did he at the time) otherwise I'd have offered her the small bottle of prosecco I put in the fridge for her (she likes it) or offered to go to the shops.

OP posts:
PutyourtoponTrevor · 02/03/2019 09:27

It's lager and you should have got some in. It does sound like you have alcohol issues

ScarlettDarling · 02/03/2019 09:27

Well your mil has clearly overreacted but you obviously haven't gone out of your way to make her feel welcome. Just nip out and get her some lager in for tonight and hopefully it'll all blow over.

slipperywhensparticus · 02/03/2019 09:28

It wasnt a fucking party sister was an unexpected visitor who bought alcohol to share

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