Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
IdaBWells · 02/03/2019 09:28

I doubt this is really about the lager or lack thereof. For you to hit a nerve and upset her so much, i.e. out of proportion to the actual event my guess is it a symptom of her feeling unwelcome and the fact you invited her but didn't consider her preferences. This is most likely a "final straw" of small slights she has felt.

I wouldn't dream of inviting my in laws and not having anything to offer them. Even your two bottles of wine you say you are saving for your own anniversary. Whether you realize it or not you are sending clear signals that you don't even think you need to think of including her.

LizzieSiddal · 02/03/2019 09:29

I think it’s a bit rude for someone not to have popped out to go and get MIL the drink she fancied.
And I say that as someone who hardly ever drinks. It’s about good manners!

siestakey · 02/03/2019 09:29

Also if it was later at night when the MIL wanted more alcohol op or her husband can hardly drive if they've had a drink or two nor would I expect someone to go buy me something at night (or during the day tbh)

I wouldn't fancy going out at 11pm to fetch lager. Just get some in for her next time/next day.

Who drinks lager and beer anyway🤢

southnownorth · 02/03/2019 09:30

She probably felt judged with your attitude over alcohol. I can imagine it all locked away in a cupboard with a special key.

If I was your MIL I just would have gone to the shop or had a good drink when I got home, I wouldn't have made all the fuss.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 09:30

There was no judgement. She just started made a comment to DH, he said we didn't have any in. And she left it. This morning she got upset and stormed out the house. The judgement was totally inferred. She was offered a shot of whisky. Also, the whisky was not planned. DH and I have had two half glasses of rose since Christmas. And at Christmas we had very little too. We were not expecting my sister round. She messaged us 5 mins before turning up. I was cooking dinner so chucked on some more food to stretch out out meal. Everyone was gone by 8pm (sis and BIL arrived at 6pm) because the baby needed to go down to sleep.

OP posts:
Steamedbadger · 02/03/2019 09:30

Surely your husband knows whether his mum likes whisky by now? Agree with PP I'd have popped to the shop for some lager (possibly a larger bottle or two). Unless there's a drip feed coming it's hosting 101.

PrestonsFlowers · 02/03/2019 09:30

The Mil did go a night without alcohol
Op you do sound a bit judgemental and I'm not really surprised she left. The tears and getting emotional maybe over the top but I'd feel very judged by you and your attitude. Perhaps as she's also a security risk and a smoker you're better off without her

JenniferJareau · 02/03/2019 09:31

Sounds like you disapprove of regular alcohol drinking.

I can't believe that you and your dh didn't know she liked and drank lager. Why didn't you buy any in for her visit or at worst pop to the shops to get her some? That is poor hosting.

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 09:31

Btw do you all realise lager is beer😂
So lager and beer shop is just a beer shop😂

Mammyloveswine · 02/03/2019 09:31

I find it strange that you refer to your sister "invading" Confused, and then a random single shot of whiskey!

I only drink wine and gin but usually have beers in for dh. When my mam comes round I buy her lambrini or make sure I have plenty tonic for a gin. If my in laws come up I buy red wine even though they barely drink they'll have a glass with a meal (was a sober holiday we went on with them!).

How exactly did the conversation go?? Your mil probs feels unwelcome esp if you're stating upstairs with her grandchild half the morning and hubby is too! It doesn't take two to look after a baby first thing. Your DH should've got up and made his mum (and you!) A coffee and breakfast!

IdaBWells · 02/03/2019 09:31

Exactly Lizzie you say there's a place 3 minutes away and then don't bother you get her anything. Very unwelcoming and making her feel like an inconvenience. It's your attitude, neither of you cared.

ShabbyAbby · 02/03/2019 09:31

Did she mistake the latch thing with you judging her smoking to I wonder?
I've been at non smokers houses when I smoked and felt very judged for both smoking and daring to have 2 sugars in my tea/ coffee. I wonder if it's to do with her feeling that you don't agree with her habits on a wider scale not just a can of lager? She probably felt left out and like her DS hadn't made any effort for her being there

diddl · 02/03/2019 09:32

If she can't do without a lager on a friday night, couldn't she bring it with her?

Probably wouldn't occur to me that I'd have to get alcohol in for someone staying a couple of nights.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 09:32

It wasnt a fucking party sister was an unexpected visitor who bought alcohol to share
This ^^ And she wasn't even the only one not drinking.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 09:32

Probably wouldn't occur to me that I'd have to get alcohol in for someone staying a couple of nights.
And this ^^

Jaspermcsween · 02/03/2019 09:32

Well of course she could have brought some but It’s polite to offer guests what you know they like to drink .

Rude to point her in the direction of a shop !

Morgan12 · 02/03/2019 09:32

Sounds like you do judge her alcohol consumption. But at least you bought her some Prosecco, only a small bottle but eh.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 02/03/2019 09:33

I can see why she felt as if she was imposing to be honest. It’s not about lager,it’s about getting a drink from the shop 3 mins away to give your mum/MIL something to “cheers” with and feel included.
And I expect going back upstairs to breastfeed made her feel like she was intruding further.

MashedSpud · 02/03/2019 09:33

You didn’t make her feel welcome by excluding her from the single drink party then she gets moaned at for not locking herself out while she smokes outside.

Cherrysoup · 02/03/2019 09:33

You had a bottle of prosecco for her, so when she asked for lager and there wasn’t any (even though you know it’s what she likes), why didn’t you give her the prosecco? You do sound controlling over booze and she has been made to feel unwelcome. Good job, OP.

Hairyporker · 02/03/2019 09:33

Why do you keep twatting on about how little alcohol you drink?
No1curr.

Meandwinealone · 02/03/2019 09:33

You bought her a mini bottle of Prosecco and then didn’t even think to offer it to her!!
You are fucking batshit

I would fake a tantrum just to leave your house!!

Niceteeth · 02/03/2019 09:34

What weird replies on this thread

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 09:34

@LagunaBubbles

Sorry. The measure was remembered because it's a bit of a family joke that I have no idea about measure sizes and tend to either woefully underestimate or pour too much. So a few years ago my sister bought a spirit measure. It was also a rather fancy bottle of whisky. So literally just a toast.

No care about booze. Just highlighting we don't really drink. And even less so since I got pregnant.

Event wasn't a party. We were just having a quiet night in (lamp chops). If MIL had asked me for a drink, I'd have sorted it.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/03/2019 09:35

What would it have taken for you or DH to run round to the shops and get a couple of lagers in?

It sounds a real barrel of laughs round your way. Hmm