Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

It does sound like you have alcohol issues

🙄.

I’m with you OP. Pathetic behaviour from a grown woman over alcohol 😀.

I would say your MIL felt left out also? The fact she asked if there was anything else to drink whilst the others were drinking was not good hosting. Expecting her to go to the shop 3 minutes away to get some was rude - one of the other adults there should have gone, especially your DH. You say, you live in a city where 'security' is an issue, so why expect her to go. She may have have felt nervous going out alone if ahe lives in a quiet village.

Also, it doesn't take two the to get a baby ready. You could have fed the baby and your DH should have gone downstairs to keep his DM company, rather than leave her alone. She could probably hear you both talking and after last night felt left out and unwelcome. Your DH needs to up his game.

Why couldn't she just go to the shop herself? Or bring some with her if she knew she would want it? If I'm staying with someone and I know I will want something specific to eat/drink I take it with me.

I've just realised. Maybe she didn't feel judged about how much she consumes, but about WHAT she consumes.

Ok do you have issues with alcohol? Everyone you mention alcohol you add that it's a small bottle, half a glass, one can etc.

And it's LAGER not larger. I thought it'd be a thread about buying a larger house to accommodate mil.

Drip. Drip. Or is that trying to rewrite what happened?

Again. Since it keeps being mentioned. MIL would have been welcome to lager. She didn't ask me anything. She said she didn't like whisky. She spoke quietly to my husband about lager. I knew nothing about this exchange. She told the rest of us she wasn't fussed on having a drink.

My bad on the offering prosecco. I was juggling making dinner, unexpected house guests and a hungry baby. So had my hands rather full.

@morgan12

Did anyone mention the (small) bottle of prosseco??

God you sound fun OP, being at pains to stress how little you drink (half a glass of rose this year).

Do you normally get on well with your MIL? Or is she someone who over reacts at the slightest excuse?

Is this unusual for her?

Usually MIL likes wine. Mostly things like prosecco. Not lager. Otherwise I'd have got some in before.

I don't like whiskey & if someone was toasting with it & there was nothing else I liked-so what??

I wouldn't expect people to go to the shop or open a full bottle of wine for me.

If she was staying the night presumably you knew she was coming. I'd hazard a guess you already knew she drank lager. So why not get some in in advance. My MIL drinks cider so I always get some in If she's staying in case she fancies a drink.

Well, if you gain nothing else from this post you have at least learned how to spell lager.

My bad on the offering prosecco. I was juggling making dinner, unexpected house guests and a hungry baby. So had my hands rather full

What was your DH doing?

Well the fault lies with DH ultimately. His Mum, he knows what she likes and when she asked re lager he should have gone and grabbed her a bottle.

Bit weird to get everyone a whiskey and MIL say she doesn't like it and not offer her the prosecco. Do your guests have to specifically ask for everything before they're allowed it?

So this morning DH gets up says Morning Mum and she runs off saying she's unwelcome? Either he's omitting something or she's doing it for drama. He needs to sort out HIS mess

YABU and weird about alcohol

MIL IBU too about having a tantrum

Agree with PPs; if we have guests coming we generally ensure we have a selection of drinks which includes something we know they like.

@Mammyloveswine

We have a small baby... Is it unusual to drink/ go out less when you have a small baby?

No one should 'expect' to have alcohol provided for them when they visit someone, if it's not generally in the house. If it's that important for your MIL to have a lager every day then she should have gone and bought her own. You wouldn't expect to provide cigarettes for guests if you are non smokers yourselves, so what's the difference

I rarely drink and I think you’ve got a weird attitude to alcohol
If you have a guest that you know prefers a certain drink and you can afford it why not get her a bottle or 2?
She shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum but you sound like some weird Hyacinth Bouquet type who gets the sherry out once a year at Christmas (and gives everyone a careful measure)

I wouldn't expect people to go to the shop or open a full bottle of wine for me OP had a small single prosecco in, MIL just hadn't asked nicely enough. DH should have offered her the prosecco or to go to the shops

If someone is coming over for the night we always make sure the fridge is stocked with whatever they like to drink!! You didn't even bother trying to make her feel welcome and comfortable.

I think the fact that you have a 6 month old baby means visitors should help out and not throw a tantrum if their favourite drink isn't there! Also it would be unlikely that you were drinking. The whiskey wasn't a planned thing. So I don't think you were a bad host.
But yes, she obviously felt unwelcome. Probably because you were having a nice time with your sister.
My MIL can't cope with other people visiting when it's "her turn". And will take massive offence about it. Could that be It? Or did she not get enough baby cuddles?

She bought her a mini bottle of Prosecco and failed to offer it to her.
I think she’s being a bit hard done by here

Was this the tip of the iceberg in making her feel unwelcome?