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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
lasttimeround · 02/03/2019 09:54

I find your mils reaction over the top. So there was no beer in the house. You offered to get her some she declined. I think with a 6 month old family visitors can be a lot more flexible than getting the hump because you haven't got the right things in for them.

Hellohappy · 02/03/2019 09:54

You do seem a bit controlling over alcohol eg totting up the measures and bottle sizes. I get that some people don’t drink or have much alcohol in the house but many people do like a social drink and you/your h should have offered to get her lager or the wine.

jigster01 · 02/03/2019 09:54

When you all had a drink from the whisky it should be automatic surely to get the prosecco and just open it regardless if you were 'celebrating' without asking her if she would like some ....if you bought the prosecco for her why was it not opened for dinner ? Very bad hosting ...

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 02/03/2019 09:54

Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that the Op took the baby out ( of the room MIL was in with them both) to breatfeed.
Isn’t half the point of breastfeeding that you can do it anywhere.
No wonder the woman feels likes she’s intruding.
And maybe she saw the small bottle of Prosecco in the fridge and realised no one could be bothered to tell her or get it for her.

TwelveThirtyTwo · 02/03/2019 09:54

Why does everyone have to leave so early just because the baby goes to bed at 8pm??
I wonder if she felt unwelcome and not included.

SlangBack · 02/03/2019 09:54

#Shouting lager lager lager lager
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
So many things to see and do
In the tube hole true
Blonde going back to Romford
Mega mega mega going back to Romford
Hi mom are you having fun
And now are you on your way
To a new tension
headache#

Wine
Quooker · 02/03/2019 09:55

I wish we had a nice larger shop, our local shops are so small.

TarragonSauce · 02/03/2019 09:55

Your side of the family came and it was all 'cheers' and whisky and 'congratulations'.
You didn't even bother to offer her the 'small' bottle of Prosecco you had bought in and put in the fridge especially for her visit as she likes it.
Why on earth would you not say 'I forgot you didn't like whisky, let me get your Prosecco and a glass for you - it's all chilled ready for you'.

My MILis coming today for the weekend. I am an alcohol philistine - I only drink Lieb. (Laugh if you wish). I have a bottle of some godawful dry stuff chilling in the fridge already for her. She visited the St Emilion region on holiday in 1989 hence she is a connoisseur.

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 09:55

Your DH is at fault, he should be more attentive to his mother.

Elllllle · 02/03/2019 09:55

Agree, this isn't about alcohol.

This is about manners, etiquette and hosting.

I'm guessing OP and her DP dont have a wide variety of friends or social commitments, and/or doesn't regularly have people stay. Or is perhaps a bit young and naive?

I'm not having a go OP, but it is good manners to cater to your guests. Leaving them alone without good reason, not offering drinks, feeling your sister is "invading" etc. It's not about how much you drink or don't drink, whether your MIL likes lamb chops or otherwise (did you ask? Do you know?), you need to step up a bit. Your mil over-reacted but a less reactionary person would probably still be pissed off and (I'm guessing) you'd never pick it up.

Meandwinealone · 02/03/2019 09:55

This thread is hilarious

Paddy1234 · 02/03/2019 09:55

Don't think I will be lining up the shots with this lot anytime soon

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 09:57

I would imagine this has more to do with your DH and his mum than you.

His mum comes to stay for a couple of nights.

Your sister hijacks one night.

She asks him for a drink she likes but he says he has none of what she wants and tells her there’s a shop up the road if she’s that desperate.

Then, he hides up in the bedroom with you this morning (does it take two people to feed and change a breastfed baby?!) knowing that she’s been awake and up for some time!

He has a go at her about the latch.

I’m not surprised she feels rotten and unwelcome.

NannyRed · 02/03/2019 09:57

I was totally confused at the headline until I read and realised you meant lager!

Totally misses point of thread

Fishwifecalling · 02/03/2019 09:57

This seems like a load of posts about a non issue.

Just a lack of communication and a seemingly over reaction from mil. Get her side of the story when you see her, explain that it appears to be a misunderstanding and apologise.

SoWhat21 · 02/03/2019 09:58

I do think it’s strange that when MIL said she didn’t like whiskey neither you or DH thought to offer her anything else. She had to ask DH, which must have been awkward for her. Why did he not offer her the Prosecco or wine at the point? It’s a bit mean to hold onto wine for yourself while a guest is without a drink and everyone else has one. It’s very odd hosting and I can see why she was a bit upset. Although storming off is ridiculous

Crissy83 · 02/03/2019 09:58

Why do you keep twatting on about how little alcohol you drink?

This

Grin
SoyDora · 02/03/2019 09:59

I also don’t understand why your DH stayed upstairs with you this morning? Good manners would be to go down and offer MIL a tea/coffee/breakfast. It doesn’t take 2 people to breastfeed a baby.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/03/2019 09:59

I think you MIL overreacted but the normal response when your MIL said not to bother was to say its no bother I'll nip to the shops Mum

luckylavender · 02/03/2019 10:00

Just get her some lager

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 10:00

I imagine she doesn't feel very welcome. You complain about the latch, you both stay upstairs whilst she is downstairs, you fail to provide her with a drink and yet you manage to rustle up extra food for your sister and her partner at the drop of a hat. I would think she feels like you only make an effort for your family.

Exactly!

Quooker · 02/03/2019 10:01

I could understand if your baby was 6 days or even weeks, but 6 months!

Also confused over the breastfeeding and latch Grin

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 10:02

If a grown adult told me not to worry about getting them a lager (and they usually don't even drink it), no way would I traipse to the shop to get it just in case she did want it. So I am understand DH didn't get it for his mum.

No idea why OP is getting flak on here, it's blame everything on the woman day as usual amongst a particular contingent in AIBU.

OP, you or DH did nothing wrong, people are just enjoying giving you a good kicking. Vicious.

MissClareRemembers · 02/03/2019 10:02

Yup, totally up to your DH to sort out. The whole situation sounds a little bit cold and unwelcoming and kind of 1950s ‘pre-dinner drinks’.

I’d bet that there’s more to this than you’ve stated.

Chloemol · 02/03/2019 10:03

A number haven’t read the post. The drink only came out because of sister. Otherwise it’s unlikely alcohol would have been consumed. Mil is childish for running off, is there actually something else going on? But op was rude if shop is only three mins away unless it was really late and closed you could have popped out for her