Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

I can understand your MIL, she is feeling unwanted because you didn't have any lager and there is a nice shop only a few minutes down the road that sells lager and you or your DH didn't think to go and get some or get some in advance as I'm assuming you or your DH knew she liked lager. As a host it is your job to cater for your guests and their preferences. She is not overreacting, she is upset because you made her feel unwanted.

If I was you I'd apologize to your MIL and get her some lager and think of this as a lesson for future family gatherings.

Oh well at least you'll know what you can buy her for christmas.

Let her get on with it, forget about it.

It is easy to look after guests - after all, you wouldn't invite people to stay in your house if you didn't already know them quite well would you? So you would think - MIL likes a cold lager of an evening, we'll put a few in the fridge for her. By not doing that she felt that you thought it was a) not important or b) better for her if you didn't put alcohol on the menu.
My own mum was partial to a cold lager in the evening - and it was no trouble to have them in the fridge! It's not Moet or Crystal!!! You are in the new mum 'holier than thou' mode - and we have all been there to a degree, but everyone else (especially your own mum and your mum in law) have been there, seen it and done it and your job as a host is to welcome, entertain and accommodate - not police and alienate!

What are lamP chops? Do they even go with Larger?

All this over lager. Wow. It’s not that serious. I wouldn’t expect someone to leave their home over a bit of alcohol regardless how far a shop is. Definitely wouldn’t expect any family member to. She wouldn’t have been the only one not drinking either. She sounds like she thinks she has an issue if she is that emotional over it.

Plus, if you’re not big drinkers, why would she expect you to have it? Or why not ask for you to pick some up beforehand or was it just because your sister came over? Does she usually have a lager every night or something? Must be more to this for such bizarre behaviour.

Ye sound weird about drink. Sorry but single beers and one measure of whiskey....all sounds very controlled. She probably felt uncomfortable and self conscious asking for a drink in ye’re house

Sounds like typical mil behaviour tbh. 🤣

This post is on par with another OP this week asking guests to bring their own food at Easter. If you don’t want to feed & water your guests don’t invite them.

Also if you're not a drinker you wouldn't think of anyone else. I dont.

I also don't drink coffee and after every baby we got a jar in for any visitors. Just a waste of money and sat in cupboard for years

Am I right in thinking, that they turned up unannounced? If so, I dont agree with people who have stated that you should have gone and bought her some larger!! She sounds extremely sensitive and that's her issue not yours. You have done NOTHING wrong. 😊

I am just imaging all mumsnetters having some sort of meal with a guest and the guest saying "do you have any (say) brown sauce to have with this" and the mumsnetters saying no, but hang on, i shall leave the house and go down the road to get you some.
Get back. Oh ice cream rather than cream with your fruit salad. OFF I GO AGAIN.
I mean it doesn't happen? people are eating, someone doesn't have something specific so you carry on, maybe next time bringing it with you or asking if they can get some in if you really fancy it (and its no huge cost)

I really would not think to get any drink in for my mum who was visiting for a night and we were just hanging at home with a newish baby. It really would not be thought of as any sort of drinking occasion in my head!

Gosh some very judgmental people on here.
No, you're not being unreasonable.
You're not a mind reader.
Try and let it go.

The replies on this thread show how society (in general) drinks far to much and pretends its acceptable.
The mil over reacted. If you read the replies the DH offered to go to the shop MIL said no bother.
Yes some people get alcohol in when guests come, some don't but to throw a hissy fit over that is pathetic.
Also leaving the door on the latch in a city is stupid, it doesn't take a lot for an opportune thief to pop in and nick your bag happened when my mate was hanging out her washing last summer.

like i said people dont read diligaf and come out with the same crap 26 pages on-he offered to get some she said dont bother

what do you do say oh pleeeeeeeeeease let me get you some i just have to not knowng if youre being pa or not

ffs

OP has stated MANY times that neither she nor DH have ever known MIL to drink lager before! Why do people keep saying things along the lines of “you know she likes lager so get some in”? OP has been very clear and I think her MIL has been spectacularly childish.

I think there’s another side to this!

Not having the drinks she likes but pointing her to the direction of the shop.

Both of you staying upstairs in the morning.

Her over hearing you moan about her to your husband.

I would feel uncomfortable as well.

@Flowerpower220394 you're assuming wrong.

RTFT ,it really helps.

the coffee sat in the cupboard for years, what a waste of money
Gosh, what you could have done with that £2.50!!

Doesn’t sound like very good hosting,no excuses.

I disagree - she's acting like a spoilt teenager if she gets upset if you don't have 'her' drink in. I don't expect people to stock up for me or my OH, I will drink what's available

Shouting lager, lager, lager!