Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

Why do so many people spell it “ larger”?

I presume because the start of the word lager sounds like ‘lar’.

Because android phones autocorrect lager to larger and it's not the easiest typo to spot straight away.

It’s not about the lager.
It’s about the conversation she had with her son, which the op only overheard when MIL said, tearfully‘ I don’t want to impose’
It sounds to me that MIL has something on her mind, was inadvertently made to feel unwelcome and unwanted, and decided to leave rather than stay where she felt uncomfortable.
If MIL has form for being a drama queen, well, ignore, but maybe she was being made to feel like she was not welcome.

I agree. It's bloody irritating reading 'larger' when lager is meant.

I think the OP taking a bath with her baby then pissing off to bed might have been a sign to MIL as to how welcome she was.
Never mind the lager drought.

This is definitely about a larger issue...

Poster sounds bloody precious and unwelcoming. MiL sounds overly sensitive. The question is why on earth wasn’t the husband being a decent host as it sounds like he is a sap who did fuck all?

I think the OP taking a bath with her baby then pissing off to bed might have been a sign to MIL as to how welcome she was.

Surely leaving your MIL with her son is pretty normal. Let them have some time together alone (and also this is a new mum who is tired so even more reason to go to bed early and leave them to it)

OP not only did you do nothing wrong, but you also have the patience of a saint to keep responding politely to people who can' be bothered to RTFT.

Be kind to your MIL though. Although she hasn't behaved particularly reasonably in this case, it sounds like she's got a lot going on and is probably quite vulnerable atm.

Given your update about her giving you outdated feeding advice, changing her mind about what she wants to do with the baby - super keen on taking it swimming then not swimming at all, I think this is even more evidence that she has just generally got the hump and is showing this in some amateur dramatics.

Everyone around her is having babies, she v much had a vision of what grandparenting would be like - a valued source of info, doing loads of stuff with the babies and actually it has turned out nothing at all like that.

Her children are grown up, when she stays with them they have their own ways of doing things and she actually gets stuff wrong in their houses. Not all of her parenting advice goes down well eg weaning at 12 weeks and the baby even prefers other people - your sister Stuff she thought she wanted to do like the swimming she now isn't sure about and relationships are complicated.

Answer - throw a paddy about the non-mindreading about the lager and leave her DS and DIL to do even more mindreading.

I'd ignore. She'll be back and things will settle down as all of you work out what you are doing.

As your MIL goes to bed at 9pm and it is now 8.55pm.... is she back yet? And if so with or without lager.

This thread is bonkers!
Some pretty unhealthy attitudes to alcohol being displayed by PP. Alcohol is not essential!
OP was dealing with her baby. She is in no way a poor host.
Alcohol was offered.
MIL is a grown up. If she can't get through one evening without her choice of booze she is perfectly capable of sorting herself out, when she has invited herself to the house of a couple with a young baby, who don't drink much.
She threw an unnecessary hissy fit. She should be apologising.

i have 2 adult sons and dils who I get along with and lovely grandchildren but I understand the MIL thing as I'm one of them. I've had arguments from time to time with my sons and the root of the problems have been my feelings of not being cared about by my sons. Yes I know that sounds childish but our emotions don't fade away as we get older. I agree with people who said this wasn't about lager (Jesus sil could have been got some lager in minutes) and there was the latch business - I understand why she went off in a huff. and it's up to DS to contact her -if she won't answer the phone leave a message and text her. She taught you to use a spoon!!

Nope. Nonsense

Why should SIL get lager?!

MiL needs to make contact when she has calmed down

There is no evidence they did not 'care for' her.

& the latch was not discussed

Op 'thinks' MIL heard latch being discussed = she knows she did.

Bath time? Both upstairs after DS and BIL left...baby's bedtime.
DH assisting because OP doesn't bath baby but has bath with baby.

Games being played on here, two sides.
I, for one, pity the referee.
I have a feeling the one deserving pity might have XY chromosomes.

@LadAlive

"Op 'thinks' MIL heard latch being discussed = she knows she did."

Nope. I did not. I have ASD and if someone is upset and I don't know why I worry about all the possible things I may have accidentally done to cause the upset. She was in the garden, door closed as she was smoking. There were three rooms between us.

"Bath time? Both upstairs after DS and BIL left...baby's bedtime.
DH assisting because OP doesn't bath baby but has bath with baby."

No one was asked to leave when we went up to bathe and put DS down for the night. But my sister and BIL took it as a natural break in the evening and left. MIL put Netflix on. We were following our baby's bedtime routine. If we hadn't he would have been up three or four times throughout the night, instead of once. Yes, I bathed my baby with me. He likes playing with bath toys with me. DH have me a hand because I was tired but then went down to spend time with his mum.

"Games being played on here, two sides.
I, for one, pity the referee.
I have a feeling the one deserving pity might have XY chromosomes."

I literally have no idea what on Earth you mean by this? No games at all.

I'm really not sure why you have been repeatedly really quite nasty to me in this thread?

Also. Who the hell measures whisky when pouring it at home

We quite often do with spirits as it’s useful to know roughly what a measure is. That’s not to say we don’t ever have a double!

This is my take on the situation:

What actually happened:
DH: Would you like a whiskey to toast SIL?
MIL: No thanks, I don't like whiskey. Do you have anything else?
DH: Yes we have some spirits and wine.
MIL: I quite fancy a lager or beer tonight, do you have any?
DH: No, sorry. Can I offer you tea, coffee, squash or lemonade?
MIL: Oh, no bother then, I'll leave it.
So MIL is left looking and feeling like a spare part as the 4 other adults make a toast. That is an awkward situation to be put in and she no doubt felt very left out.

What should have happened:
DH: Would you like a whiskey to toast SIL?
MIL: No thanks, I don't like whiskey. Do you have anything else?
DH: Yes we have some spirits and wine.
MIL: I quite fancy a lager or beer tonight, do you have any?
DH: No we don't but I can go to the shop later and get you some. Hang on though, I have just remembered we have prosecco for you in the fridge, would you like some of that?
MIL: Yes that would be lovely, thanks.
MIL is really pleased that she can join in the toast and relieved she can actually have a damn drink! She is also pleased that her son and DIL have made the effort to buy a drink she really likes.

What could have happened with intervention by OP:
DH: Would you like a whiskey to toast SIL?
MIL: No thanks, I don't like whiskey. Do you have anything else?
DH: Yes we have some spirits and wine.
MIL: I quite fancy a lager or beer tonight, do you have any?
DH: No, sorry. Can I offer you tea, coffee, squash or lemonade?
MIL: Oh, no bother then, I'll leave it.
OP joins the group to start raising their glasses to toast SIL.
OP: MIL, you don't have a drink to toast SIL, can I get you one?
MIL: It's OK I don't want to trouble you (said in slightly martyred voice).
OP: But we have the prosecco you like in the fridge!
You or hopefully DH then come to rescue and pour MIL a glass so that she feels that she actually belongs in your family rather than being a spare part, or even worse, a nuisance to you. She is grateful, and not for the first time, that she has a great DIL like you.

I think the lager part is not the real reason for the huff but I think it will be resolved and lesson learnt.

Re: latch
In your original post you say 'I thought she may have overheard and been offended '.

God, I need to get out more!

OP take heart, my mum once had a big strop because I said she did NOT need to do any ironing for me.

Don't let it worry you too much, hopefully she'll be back in touch soon and you can get to the bottom of why she is upset.

@LadAlive

"Re: latch
In your original post you say 'I thought she may have overheard and been offended '."

Which was clarified some posts ago. A couple of times actually.

Oh! Ok, OP I struggle to read sometimes.

Thanks @Pinkblanket - things like this really throw me for six. Not heard back from MIL. But she has seen messages. Hopefully it'll all be sorted.