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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex objects to after school activities

184 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 01/03/2019 18:57

Some may remember I posted here last month about shared custody with my ex and his very new girlfriend.

I haven’t raised the issue of changing the custody agreement, but I have explained my limits on his lady’s involvement in my daughters medical care and education.

I Dropped my daughter at my ex’s after school today and the girlfriend was there, he was not, I had my daughter’s swim stiff with me for her lesson in the morning and the girlfriend informed my they had decided all children should be treated the same and as she couldn’t afford all the after school activities my daughter has the she wouldn’t be attending them when she is with them.

There aren’t that many - swimming, gymnastics and rainbows. I think this is pretty normal for a six year old. She loves gymnastics and rainbows, swimming can be a struggle but I feel strongly that everyone should be able to swim. I didn’t want to start a row, and his girlfriend (who has been on the scene for five months) really can’t be taking this decision. She also told me that they beleive my daughter Is spoiled and it’s not fair on her girls. Apparently she hasn’t too many clothes and toys.

I’m not really sure what I am asking - I am ringin my ex later to say I am calling over in the morning to take my daughter swimming. I don’t think I am being unreasonable - after school activities are a normal part of childhood, and my ex as perfectly happy to take my daughter on his time b fore the girlfriend appeared,

OP posts:
Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 02/03/2019 16:59

Mummy2017 - I suspect ex has been spinning a similar line🤣!

Which is probably were he snide comments about clothes, toys and after school activities has come from.

I know my daughter is lucky - but I’m not going to apologise to some strange woman for spending my hard earned money on swimming lessons!! Or glittery t shirts.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 02/03/2019 17:21

Maybe you should mention to her that he only has to pay food and gifts, and does not give you any maintenance, you pay the rest and while you understand your child has a large wardrobe of clothing, really you are saving him money, in not having to contribute to a growing fashionable child .
I do wonder if Xmas has caused her to mention this, as your DD has got double the presents ..

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 02/03/2019 17:36

Christmas - not sure. Ex came to ours on Christmas morning for Santa - we didn’t open any other presented infront of him - just did the Santa stuff then had mince pies while daughter played with her toys. She spent Boxing Day with ex - and took some of her presents with her, but they wouldn’t have seen them all. She took a kids science kit and a couple of Lego sets. And we were controlled - there was no mountain of presents.

He probably got her a bigger gift than the other girls - but he had only been with their mum a couple of months.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 02/03/2019 18:40

I think she is starting to realise he is a bit cheap and selfish, and not quite the flashy rich bloke he pretended to be at the start.

If only there was a way of figuring out what someone is like before the mask slips. 🤔 They're both irresponsible for moving their relationship along so quickly with kids involved.

She's a CF, he's a tight git and shit Dad for using the GF as free childcare and wanting to see his DD significantly less at the drip of a hat because he's too busy playing happy families with someone else. Thankfully your DD has a Mum with her head screwed on who's more than just a hat rack 😉

WhiteWine4TheLady · 02/03/2019 18:43

She is taking the piss! Totally over stepping boundaries. You need to talk to your ex!

thenextsmallthing · 02/03/2019 19:06

I rarely post on threads OP but I am as so impressed with the calm and determined way your handled this. Bravo Thanks

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 14:47

Update***

Resurrecting this thread to tell all you lovely people that, as predicted by many of you, ex and the girlfriend have split up. All that drama and upset over a relationship that lasted six bloody months.

I will be sticking with the custody arrangement as you never know. But for the time being she is out of our lives.

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 30/03/2019 14:53

I wouldn't have somebody of a few months relationship caring for my dc, Can you stress that she only goes when your dh is able to parent.
I'm sure you don't have to agree to her taking care, none of you know her, including your ex.

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 14:58

She’s gone Romany. Sorry - was a thread I started last month. Got advice and sympathy (and a few YABU) p, so wanted to let everyone know the latest

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 30/03/2019 15:04

I realised after posting, lesson learned to read properly first Grin
So glad and I hope things are better now.

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 15:15

Was probably not the best idea to update the thread like that - sorry.

And thanks. THis sounds really mean but will we have been saving a bottle of bubbly. It’s being opened tonight😊

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 30/03/2019 15:17

Not mean at all, and I don't blame you after what's been happening.
Enjoy it my love, and best wishes. x

timeisnotaline · 30/03/2019 15:40

Enjoy the bubbly!

Urgh2019 · 30/03/2019 15:56

That’s great news. To me it sounded like she wanted to push your DD out so your ex could be new Daddy to her DDs.

mummmy2017 · 30/03/2019 16:02

Yeah, I think she thought he would hand over his wages to her, and then when he didn't move in felt used by him for child care
Wonder round if she is a drama queen, and once you took your child out of her moans, his football and other things were highlighted .
Hope your DD has a good summer now

snowdrop6 · 30/03/2019 16:15

I'm sorry I don't get this ...you drop her of at dads and dad isn't there? Dad dosnt collect from school on his days ,the gf does ,she's sleeping on the floor ,and being stopped from her activities?? I've only got as far as page 3 and I'm fuming on your behalf
Come on op .....fight for her ..back to court and get him Down to every other weekend..she needs to have her needs met.he clearly can't meet them,so no more 50 /50

SandyY2K · 30/03/2019 16:44

That's a great result that they've split up. I can't believe they were talking about living together after 5 months together....especially with children in the mix.

You're a very dignified lady.Smile

Merryoldgoat · 30/03/2019 16:49

There’s something wrong with some people - well done OP, especially as you have a good arrangement in place now.

Imagine talking about moving in together when you have children after less than 6 months - bloody idiocy.

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 16:58

Snowdrop - it all happened very suddenly. In the end she was only doing the school pick up for a few weeks before we changed shared custody - ex now only has daughter on sat night.

The new girlfriend went from being supermum To cruella devile when it became apparent ex wasn’t going to buy them a big house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 17:00

My daughter is really happy with the new arrangement, which is all that the matters,.

School has also commented that her concentration is much better, and she has just been moved up to the top reading group. Going to bed at 7pm every night in her own bed really makes a difference.

OP posts:
polarpig · 30/03/2019 17:01

YANBU, it is nothing to do with his girlfriend.

GarthFunkel · 30/03/2019 17:02

Do you think he will ask to go back to the old system now she's flown off on her broomstick gone?

ivykaty44 · 30/03/2019 17:03

Dealing with ex’s and their girlfriends is not always easy...

I changed swimming to a weekday afternoon.

Dd ended up wanting to do quite a few extra cricket activities and eventually reduced her weekends as she wanted to do this type of stuff - sad that her father never took her but ultimately she choose what she wanted.
Dd was much older by this time though

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/03/2019 17:05

I find it baffling when people introduce children to new partners so quickly, it took me nearly 6 months when I met my new partner. I hope he takes things more slowly next time.

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 17:11

Garth funkel - he hasn’t asked, and if he does I will say no. I am talking to a solicitor about a divorce (finally!!) and they think how he handled the situation with the gf will mean it’s unlikely he would get 50-50 again. I have kept a diary etc. However the new arrangement seems to suit him and he always has something special planned for their weekend. They both seem happier. I am quite relaxed and he knows if he wants to call in and see her during the week he is more than welcome. He has done this a couple of times over the last few weeks -just stayed for half an hour.

They split up around the time we changed the custody arrangement, but he only told me at swimming this morning. It was about money and him not wanting to get a place together.

OP posts: