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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that moaning about how little money you have..

202 replies

clairemcnam · 01/03/2019 15:37

when you are in an office with a couple of staff, and you are earning at least 7 times their salary, is incredibly insensitive?

OP posts:
EvePolastriBaby · 03/03/2019 14:01

I find the "its all relative" brigade tend to high earners, trying to convince themselves they are not as well off as they actually are.

Well, you got that wrong.

I'd say I'm pretty average. I live in a terraced, rented house.
I have been very, very poor as a young single mum...therefore my current situation feels pretty damn good.

Someone who has never had money issues or is a high earner may think our household income is low.

Alienspaceship · 03/03/2019 14:42

I wonder if there is another factor here. People who reach a senior position, do the ‘extra’ to get there, take on the stress and responsibity, take work home etc perhaps had expected to feel wealthier on a particular salary than they actually do when they get there.

Purpletigers · 03/03/2019 14:47

It’s uncalled for . What a dick !

LancsPear · 03/03/2019 14:51

I would never openly complain but our household income is £100k and we're definitely not living in the lap of luxury as people from the outside probably assume.

CSIblonde · 03/03/2019 14:55

Having worked in admin for seriously wealthy people (oil & banking) , a lot of them live beyond their means. The Mistress, the holidays, the private school fees, the horses, the cars, the boats, eating out 4 nights a week, the 2nd home, it soon mounts up. A good few fiddled the business & their taxes to cover it. One I didn't work directly for had 3 mistresses & was paying his bills with the company's money having spent all his wife's private wealth.

m0therofdragons · 03/03/2019 15:07

A consultant was speaking to our hr director loudly in my office recently about how unfair the tax rules are once you hit £110k salary. Now, this may be the case but in an office with nhs band 4 PAs nearby it felt rather lacking in awareness on his part. Directors regularly moan re money but that's because all their dc are in independent schools and they still manage skiing and a summer holiday, private jets to London etc. It's a different world.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 03/03/2019 15:12

The person I am talking about earns just over £150k. The £7.5k a month is his net salary. That is what he actually receives.

OP posts:
Dorsetdays · 03/03/2019 15:55

Claire. What did the person you work with say when you explained how it made you feel?

Blissx · 03/03/2019 17:57

The person I am talking about earns just over £150k. The 7.5k a month is net salary. That is what he actually receives.

A little disengenuous when this net wage is calculated with the assumption that they are younger than 65, not married and with no pension deductions, no childcare vouchers, no student loan payment, no maintenance payments etc etc etc. You actually have no idea what he receives and doing a quick Google is not the same.

The fact he pays on average £90,000 in tax every year means he is vitally important to the U.K. economy and as such many people on Mumsnet. Not such an ogre as he is portrayed on this thread necessarily, even if he may be insensitive, context permitting.

RemodellingMyHouse · 03/03/2019 19:15

Paying tax doesn't give someone free reign to be an insensitive dickhead.

NotTheDada · 03/03/2019 19:21

I'm sorry OP, but I think YABU. My DH is a contractor and as such earns a high hourly wage. However he does not get sick pay, paid holidays, any pension contributions, courses paid for and any other of the benefits his PAYE colleagues get. Add to that the uncertainty in how long he'll actually have a job for and the admin time in running his own limited company and finally the massive tax he pays and in the end his £40ph wage actually works out not much more than the salaried staff.

Last year his mum passed away and he was working very reduced hours. As such, and as a consequence of the no sick or holiday pay our finances were considerably hit. Yet if he had dared say he was struggling for money someone would be guaranteed to come up with the old cliche of "oh you contractors earn millions, why are you complaining?"

All of the above is a long winded way of saying, please don't judge people by their stressors, you have no way of knowing personal situations that affect individuals lives and finances.

Footloose80 · 03/03/2019 19:59

We are in a similar situation Not the dada dh is on maybe 60K. I am a part time low earner who had just had her hours cut.
Dh is going to need about 3 to 6 months off interm. His full pay entitlement has run out and I am worried.
I expressed my concern. to a friend less well off than me.
So am I really insensitive op?

Blissx · 03/03/2019 20:00

Paying tax doesn't give someone free reign to be an insensitive dickhead.

But it also doesn’t mean that their feelings/circumstances should be vilified automatically. Look, I too agree that this person has been insensitive but I don’t think the OP has been truly objective either.

Footloose80 · 03/03/2019 20:00

That was intermittently. He will be on ssp as our insurance doesn't kick in for 6 months.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 03/03/2019 20:01

He is not a contractor, he is an employee and gets better sick leave entitlement and annual leave than me.

OP posts:
Blissx · 03/03/2019 20:07

You sound very jealous/bitter OP, the more you post and I’m sure that’s not how you really feel. I personally wouldn’t give this any more headspace and not judge people by their salaries/pay.

stanski · 03/03/2019 20:22

back in a previous job one of the managers once told a few of the team members that they were all underworked and overpaid except him... those team members were all on minimum wage....

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/03/2019 20:44

@bliss if you are on 150k you pay around 50k in tax, not 90k.

Dorsetdays · 04/03/2019 18:27

@clairemcnam I’ll ask my question again as assume you missed it? What did your colleague say when you explained how his comments had made you feel?

Original poster
clairemcnam · 04/03/2019 18:28

I didnt say anything.

OP posts:
Dorsetdays · 04/03/2019 18:30

Why, would that not have been the more sensible option bearing in mind you feel it was so incredibly insensitive of him? 🤔

Perhaps he was just having a bad day and didn’t realise?

EvePolastriBaby · 04/03/2019 18:42

He has so much money, he can probably hire a mind reader to walk around with him Hmm

birdsandroses · 05/03/2019 21:47

The fact he pays on average £90,000 in tax every year means he is vitally important to the U.K.

@Blissx, salary calculator says a person, if on standard tax code, would be paying around £53, 000 tax and £6000 NI on a salary of £150,000, good whack but £30,000 less than your figure?

birdsandroses · 05/03/2019 21:48

Sorry missed Ihatemyself’s post saying the same as me.

Dorsetdays · 06/03/2019 14:59

In addition to the £53k tax, he will also pay just under £7k in NI so his deductions are closer to £60k not £50k.

However, I don’t think how much tax and NI you pay is directly proportionate to how insensitive you’re allowed to be 🤔

My point remains that feeling ‘skint’ is relative, we don’t know what this persons financial commitments are and therefore in my eyes you have two choices OP. 1) you ignore it as part of the day to day grumbling you get in every workplace or 2) you explain to HIM why you feel it is insensitive because that way, he might stop doing it.

Problem solved 😁

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