Office brew making drama... AIBU?

[Katlow]

So I'm an office manager in an office of 5 people.
3 of us (aged - 24 - 39) often make each other and the other 2 members of staff brews because we want one ourselves.
We have 2 younger members of staff (19-21) who literally NEVER get up to make a brew but always accept them when someone offers them one.
Sometimes, the directors will walk in and ask someone to make them a brew, generally addressing everyone. The 2 younger members of staff were apprentices last year (but are now full paid members of staff) and hardly ever make any brews so it is always kind of expected that they'll do it. There's always an awkward minute where no one stands up to the point that sometimes I have to say Is someone doing (director) a brew or what?! but the majority of the time, one of the 2 get up and do them.
There's a member of my team who wants me to mention the fact that they never make brews. I've told him that really, I can't give someone a telling off for something that they've not been asked to do or not been directly asked to do and it's annoying but a bit of a non-issue. If they were asked and refused, that's a different matter. We do them off our own backs because we want one ourselves and it's only polite to offer everyone else. He's growing more and more resentful towards the 2 younger members and I've just told him to let it go and laugh it off. Now he's complaining that one of them sings to the radio too much, we all always hum under our breath but in my eyes I see it as the lads happy doing his job having a bit of a sing song, it's not effecting any of our work so let him be cheerful, we are all guilty of doing it sometimes. I've said he's probably letting this get to him because he's resentful towards the brew making situation.
I started working in this office as an apprentice and was constantly nit-picked at for daft things such as not talking enough, not saying peoples names when I was talking to them and other things which I just thought were pathetic. I used to hate it and go home crying (I was 18) and was constantly looking for something else. My office manager at the time then left and I took over her role and I don't want to make anyone feel the same way that she made me feel.
It's got to the point now where no one will make a brew while these 2 younger member of staff are in the office because they don't want to make those 2 one.
In my eyes, this all seems a bit silly. Should I be saying something to the 2 younger members of staff? It just seems a bit... pathetic really...

*non tea or coffee drinking

Sometimes, the directors will walk in and ask someone to make them a brew, generally addressing everyone.

I think this is the problem, TBH. Who do they think they are? Can't they make their own?

I would do several things:

• at a point where it wouldn’t be a big deal say to the 2 who don’t make tea that they either have to not accept it when offered or start making. Say it seems small but that’s just how manners work.

• I’d carry on as you are with the complainer.

• I’d say to everyone ‘when boss asks for tea get up and make it’

I don't know what the answer is, but I have this argument with my husband a lot. I want a cup of tea so I'll make one, but out of politeness I offer him one too and he always accepts. He never ever makes tea on his own initiative, so I never get the favour in return. But if I just make myself tea and I don't make him one I'm 'selfish'.

no one has raised the really important issues. Who buys the milk? Replenishes the tea/coffee, and more importantly washes the cups up properly so there isn't a grim tide mark in them (and wipes down the draining board and sink.....)

I started a thread once as my manager was appalled that I didn't ever make anyone a cup of tea or coffee- despite never drinking either myself. So some of these responses I find interesting.

In my opinion, tea rounds are a joke. If the person complaining is that bothered they need to not offer to make either of these people tea and just sort themselves out.

So there's 3 of you that make 2/3 drinks a day so that's, what, at least 6 drinks a day each? More if the director coming in part way through the day.

Does any work actually get done in your office?

It is a bit pathetic that your work mate is getting so wound up over it.

Can't you all just take turns throughout the day/week. As PP said, if the shirkers keep shirking, ask if they want one and tell them all go make everyone else one.

Leave a cope of everyone's tea/coffee preferences on a kitchen cupboard next to the kettle and voila, that takes the endless asking of 'how many sugars do you want?' out 😂

I find this whole tea thing ridiculous - I'm of the view if you have time to makes lots of teas then put out the offer to make them for colleagues regardless of who gives you one back or not. But it should also be the option if you are busy just to get yourself one - its sometimes nice to have a quick break without thinking it means serving lots of people. But if its an issue - I agree with others - point out to the people its their turn. A bit like rounds in the pub!

Am I the only person who is disappointed that this isn't about making home brew in the office?

Nettle wine, anyone?

I'd be more pissed off at the Director walking in and asking for a brew.

What a piss take!

Two words, OP: Tea. Rota. Up on the wall.

(But then when I shared houses in my 20s I was an incorrigible rude-note-leaver. And I secretly relish a passive aggressive office Post-It war to this day! )

This is absolutely pathetic, everyone in my office makes their own cuppas and nobody cares/bats an eye.

Tell your colleague to bloody well grow up, should be focusing on doing his actual job instead of crying over tea and coffee?

@KidLorneRoll
But in your team meetings do you not have AOB that includes team news and resilience/ wellbeing issues?

Ours do - as how the team functions as a unit is key to improved service. We deal with high stress cases and situations (healthcare field). So whilst it'd be a light hearted mention, how we present to our senior bosses, deal with visitors and liaison with reception, would get briefly raised!

My manager would openly nip it in the bud if a niggle was causing resentment between colleagues. It's easy to say let colleagues sort it out between them if you don't work in a field where you have to pull together regularly to deal with crises. So I guess OP will be best judge of that.

explain the nuances of workplace etiquette as they just have no awareness
This^

You and Disgruntled Person might think they are "shirking" but I would bet they are completely oblivious to the whole issue. Why on earth DP came to you instead of simply speaking to them is beyond me.

I've managed a lot of staff. I would get the two youngsters together and spell it out to them than it's considered good manners in any workplace to take turns at making drinks. You've noticed they don't pull their weight and want to see them participating like everyone else. If they argue them make it clear they are can make their own drinks but no-one else will be making them one.
Please avoid passive aggressive or sarcastic comments as they won't help.
If someone must jump up to make the boss a drink then I suggest for a few weeks you shout out who's turn it is to the best of your memory.

I don't know what the answer is, but I have this argument with my husband a lot. I want a cup of tea so I'll make one, but out of politeness I offer him one too and he always accepts. He never ever makes tea on his own initiative, so I never get the favour in return. But if I just make myself tea and I don't make him one I'm 'selfish'.

Er, just ask him to make you one? Be More Director

OP I think YABU. It is an issue for your colleague. The situation is clearly unfair. All you need to do, as PP have said above, is say "oi, it's your turn" to one of the striplings in a lighthearted way. And then "you're next" to the other one. It's really not that hard and tea break logistics surely come under Office Management 1.01! You could easily nip this resentment in the bud but, for reasons I can't fathom, you choose not to.

Meandmetoo Our office has it's own kitchen, it takes max 5 minutes to do a brew.

viques the milk, teabags, sugar, coffee etc is bought out of petty cash so the directors pay for it. We have a cleaner who does the washing up at the end of the day but we all leave our mugs on our desk and wash our own at the start/end of the day.

It's a family run business, the directors are the owners of the company so pay our wages so I don't really have an issue with making their brews for them, it's just the way it's always been.
Usually, it's a very laid back atmosphere and we all have a laugh with each other and get on well.

@Katlow - if it is causing angst in the office, I don't think you can just tell the upset member of staff that it's no big deal and they should buck up - that doesn't sound like good man management to me.

Why let these two younger members of staff go on doing something that is causing tension in the work place? That's not fair to the other members of staff, or to the younger ones either. Maybe they need to be taught work place etiquette.

I literally do not get the weird tea culture in some offices.

When I want a cup of tea I go and make it. Others do the same. Nobody gives a shit or even notices. I wouldn’t want anyone else doing it for me, as I like the opportunity to get up and stretch my legs. As do others! It would just turn into a massive PITA if I had to make 5000 cups and remember how everyone liked it, Carry them all back...

Just Me?

Tea rota

This whole team making thing for senior staff is a joke unless you're actually their assistant and you're hosting a meeting with refreshments or something. What's wrong with their arms and legs?

When I was a junior member of staff back in the mid-noughties I had a director that used to announce 'coffee!' and bang her cup down on my desk or the other junior (or actually just young, we weren't actually any more junior than the rest of the team it was general a customer service area). I used to get up do it for a while, and this director liked a coffee made with just hot foamy milk, half a spoon of coffee and one spoon of sugar. We had no coffee machine it had to be warmed in a microwave and foamed with a little buzzy stirrer. It all had to be perfectly made or she'd ask for another one.

I just made it wrong deliberately so many times that eventually she got the point and stopped asking me. And because she had hot milk the cup got filthy and I never used to wash it in between cups either on purpose. Obviously that was before I was particularly bothered about making friends and influencing people

When it was my turn to be a manager (at a different company) I never ever asked people to make me drinks. They did, usually without asking they'd just make me one when they made a round. Probably because I wasn't a dick, and I made the first round every day for my team in the morning as I got in first so they all came in to a nice hot drink on their desks. Partly to be nice, and partly to cut down on the half hour of them all farting about with making drinks when they all got in. Win win.

I did always take my turn at team rounds though at that early job because I drank it. I was young and I 'got it' it's just about being part of the team. If they're drinking, they should be making too. I wouldn't make a huge fuss as a manager though next time they're accepting an offer though I would say 'right well it's your turn to make isn't it?'

Lots of vitrol against the word 'brew' on this thread

I agree with SDT...

Make your own drinks. Don't make drinks for anyone else. Don't expect anyone else to make drinks for you. Whoever you are.

it's this kind of bollox that makes me think that my deep rooted prejudice against tea drinking / drinks rotas / shirking off work to watch a kettle boiling is in fact entirely rational.