To want a friend with benefits within a marriage ?

[Dadboddancer]

Totally ready to get flamed here but surely someone feels same as me.

I'm 35. Married man. Got two beautiful children.

Sadly my wife has given up on sex. We have had sex once in 4 years. No other sexual contact.

I realise with young kids sex is going to be less frequent. I also realise there are more pressures on my wife to deliver childcare and run house as I work full time.

I've rearranged my work life to get a day a week with kids and to help with housework and childcare. I've taken sex mentally off the table and focussed on being a caring husband so she feels loved.

Sadly there is just nothing .

I know I'm not perfect. Neither am I s gorgeous lethario. I do however genuinely love my wife. This is tearing me apart.

She tells me things will get better- but how long is reasonable to wait. 3 years ? 5 years ? A lost lifetime.?

To me my options are :

1. accept it and carry on loving my beautiful wife non sexually
2. Tell her I'm leaving and break 2 children's hearts and futures (I think or hopr we are good parents)
3. find a friend with benefits and keep marriage as is

No option is perfect . Has anyone else done this? Does anyone else want this ?

Flame away- but remember id accept a life without sex for my children's benefit. I'm just not sure that's right

Or the lack of sex is due to resentment that has built over years, and she needs to feel valued and appreciated (which she may feel despite you generally being a good guy - trust me!) and with a bit of attention and effort on both sides, things will improve.

Which, simplistically, means I don't want or fancy my partner. Whatever the underlying reason.

Do yourself a favour and repost this in a week under a different name and withhold your gender, you might get more decent advice.

As I see it both of them have a responsibility to their relationship. If one side does not have their needs met then that’s a big issue. Communication is key but if they cannot work together on it then they face the consequences. He has needs she isn’t interested in fulfilling them. She must see there’s a danger of him having those needs met elsewhere.

Zombie thread.

If your wife is ok with it and you respect the boundaries you mutually agree, then no problem. If you can’t or won’t discuss it with her first and get her agreement, big problem.

It seems like you have another option - talk to your wife and find out if she’s willing to try and resolve this issue.

Gah, sorry for contributing to a zombie

You have a 2 year and a 4 year old but only had sex once in 4 years?

Yanbu op.
Your wife needs to be open and honest with you.
You should not be forced to live like this and she is being unfair by just saying it will get better then walking off.
If she loves you she would want to work on it.
Offer counselling again either her alone or joint and express how you feel ,that you love and desire her and it's not about sex but the intimacy it brings.
If she continues to blank you then you have to decide with her you step forward.
I hope things work out for you both.

Zombie zombie zombie!!

How do people even find threads this old to post on to begin with?!

ZOMBIE

I think your relationship is over for you. It’s where it will end up as it’s likely you will get emotionally involved with whoever you sleep with, if not the first person it will happen.
You should make it clear to your wife this is where you are at and give her the opportunity to do something about it. If at this stage she doesn’t then you have to be honest with yourself that it’s not working for you

Hi i am in a similar relationship but it is neither of us that can be bothered to have sex, we both have low labidos.
Since having kids I've never wanted it, almost 100% down to being all touched out by the kids as your wife has said. I just don't feel sexual in any way. But..... I would not accept my husband to have a friend with benefits. No way. I would have to seperate and coparent the kids 50/50

Zombie thread.

I don't think the OP wanted help anyway, he started it then buggered off.

I was like this for about 6 years . Only just got my libido back after stopping my pill and changing to other methods .
I have self confidence issues but they all fly out the window when I want my husband .
I’m like a different person

I don't think you're selfish at all and in your shoes I would have already left.

4 years is a long time and your wife is being very unreasonable to expect you to stay in a sexless marriage.

If you are otherwise happy with your wife and she agrees, an open marriage could be the answer.

If she doesn't agree with an open marriage, I would be talking to her about how you can both co-parent whilst separated so you can both find someone you're more compatible with sexually.

Sex might not be everything in a relationship but it is a massively important part.

I wouldn't waste my life in a sexless marriage.

ZOMBIE

This is like the Rasputin of threads, can't be killed.

IT'S FROM A YEAR AGO