Death announcements in the paper - who was BU?

[GraceMarks]

Sorry for a slightly morbid topic, but I recently had an experience where the mother of a friend of mine died unexpectedly and she and her sisters had to suddenly sort out all the various arrangements for the funeral and notifying banks, utility providers, etc etc. It was a very stressful time with an awful lot to think about.

A couple of weeks later, I was talking to my own mum and she happened to mention that she had been "looking out for the death announcement" in the local paper, but hadn't seen one and wondered if my friend knew that this was something that people are supposed to do. I asked my mum why she actually needed to see a death announcement at all, given that she already knew that my friend's mother had died, and surely anyone who is particularly interested or who knows the person who has died would have found out through friends, family etc. She got a bit huffy then and muttered something about tradition and etiquette. She seemed to be implying that my friend had made a kind of faux-pas by not announcing her mum's death, on top of all the other things she had to sort out.

Is this really something people still do, or is my mum being hopelessly old-fashioned? Just wondering what the norm is where other people come from!

I will put it in for my parents, but not bother for younger relatives.

Normal for my region too. Not everyone is online and its a mark of respect. If people have moved away or drifted apart over the years it can be their only way of knowing and last chance to pay their final respects to the deceased. Usually the immediately family posts but anyone related, was friends or worked with the person can get a notice in the paper. I have seen full pages for one person who has passed away many times.

. I have seen full pages for one person who has passed away many times.

I think even I'd put it in the paper if one person had passed away many times.

My mum is terminally ill and expected to pass within a couple of weeks. There is no way I’ll be putting an announcement in the paper. She only has me visiting, me doing things, no one else has enquired how she is etc. If people can be bothered with the living then why should they be allowed to grieve over the dead or satisfy their morbid curiosity? Sod that. My mum just wants a cremation with no service and as little fuss as possible.

*cant, not can

Sorry to hear that Fairylea

Thank you

I discovered that my real dad had died in the obituaries. I would never have known otherwise as there's been no contact at all since I was 8. I had to tell my mum.

fairylea that's really tough, sorry you're going through that. You're right that some people do scan the obits out of morbid curiosity. I'm sure that's at least partly why my mum does it - in the case in my OP, she already knew that my friend's mum had died, she was just looking out for the announcement because she wanted to have a nosey and see what it said. She wasn't planning to go to the funeral or anything. I do see what other people are getting at in some of the other examples they've given here, though.

I put Dad in the Times and the local paper, a) because I thought he'd like it, and b) because he'd been well known in the town in a previous role and I thought people who'd known him then would have wanted to know he'd died. I wouldn't expect an announcement when I die because I'm not well known and don't want to be.

My mum’s 80, and the first page she turns to in the local paper is the Deaths. I’m fairly sure it’s the reason she buys it.

How else would she prepare herself for her favourite game - Guess Who’s Dead?

Sorry, wrong emoji there. I meant to put

We put my Dad in the Times, but that was cos he would have liked it and he was kind of notable having invented all sorts of things. Also it's a generational thing.

We get two local papers, both with notices in.

When my mum died, the funeral people asked my (sort of) stepdad if he would like a notice in the paper - he declined. Presumably they would have sorted it for him if he did. A lot of death notices often ask for donations to be made to the funeral parlour to be passed on to a relevant charity.

LaurieMarlow....As I've already said, I'm not "some brit"...that is just rude. You don't know where I'm from as I haven't said. This is just what I mean....people saying something is fact, when it might not be to everyone. Please don't make second guesses that I am from the UK and calling me "some brit" is really really bad.

Old fashioned and last generation. Only needed if you think there are people who might not know and would want to hear this way. Not etiquette and not necessary. My elderly Mum used to read them to see how many more of her acquaintances had popped their clogs. There might be folks who would choose to come to the funeral if they read it. If the social network is small I wouldnt

Yes old fashioned, but the vast majority of people who die are elderly.

It is best to ask your older relatives what they want and then do it. I know my parents liked it and I want my children to do it for me - a short notice in the times and perhaps in the legal press would be nice.