Death announcements in the paper - who was BU?

[GraceMarks]

Sorry for a slightly morbid topic, but I recently had an experience where the mother of a friend of mine died unexpectedly and she and her sisters had to suddenly sort out all the various arrangements for the funeral and notifying banks, utility providers, etc etc. It was a very stressful time with an awful lot to think about.

A couple of weeks later, I was talking to my own mum and she happened to mention that she had been "looking out for the death announcement" in the local paper, but hadn't seen one and wondered if my friend knew that this was something that people are supposed to do. I asked my mum why she actually needed to see a death announcement at all, given that she already knew that my friend's mother had died, and surely anyone who is particularly interested or who knows the person who has died would have found out through friends, family etc. She got a bit huffy then and muttered something about tradition and etiquette. She seemed to be implying that my friend had made a kind of faux-pas by not announcing her mum's death, on top of all the other things she had to sort out.

Is this really something people still do, or is my mum being hopelessly old-fashioned? Just wondering what the norm is where other people come from!

All the announcements in our local paper go online as well. So people who only read it online still see it. That way it tends to get seen and word gets about.

To be clear I don't mean daily or as a hobby or anything 😂 I just mean like say if a neighbour or someone died you'd check the obituaries for a few days if you wanted to attend the funeral.

A lot of funeral directors place notices and use them as adverts (as their details are included) which I find completely distasteful.
About a third of the families we deal with choose to have a notice - usually where its the death of an elderly person who's friends have dispersed to various residential homes and who don't have social media. Or because the person is high profile / widely known outside their immediate family/ friends.

I think a PP is right it was considered rude to ask arrangements I know my stepdad wouldn't want to bother folk

My dad passed away in January & we didn't bother with an announcement in the local paper. We are a small family & we let everyone know by phone or through a post on Facebook, our local paper wanted over £100 for a death announcement, we thought that money was better spent going towards paying for a wake after the funeral. It's really nothing to do with anyone else if the family decide to not bother with a death announcement in the paper.

I think its practical for say, a retired person with lots of former colleagues that family members might not have contact details for.

I think it has been replaced as traditional etiquette by other means though.

where I am it would be the norm to have an announcement with funeral details, and there is the expectation that people would probably be reading them online, in other words id look for an announcement online as you'd never know what paper people used, there are many reasons I'd look them up the last was a friends mum died a few weeks back two ways to spell her first name, was sending friend a card obviously wanted to check spelling.

£100 blimey

Local paper to us, local paper to where our heritage lies (as in grandparents birthplace type thing) and Times for most of our recent deaths (young and old).

My brother lives in a rather old fashioned town and the local deaths and funeral arrangements are posted in the windows of the shops.

I love local newspapers, I always read our local one and if I am on holiday or away ( in this country ) I would always buy the local paper as it gives a real flavour of the place. Although I think I am probably very old fashioned, I don’t use social media (does Mumsnet count?).

I used to work for local newspaper classifieds, the death notices were usually organised by the funeral director. As far as i am aware it’s something the family can opt out of but the FD usually sends over the details.
This was 10 years ago and the BMD section is considerably smaller nowadays so it’s obviously less popular.

Oh, my parents check it every day as a sort of hobby! They're of an age where practically every week brings the death of someone they vaguely know. Mum would never have said anything to my friend about it, btw, but she would definitely quietly judge someone for not doing things "properly".

My brother lives in a rather old fashioned town and the local deaths and funeral arrangements are posted in the windows of the shops

Sounds like he lives in my town we are kinda stuck in 1985 here .

It's the norm here, also local radio read out death notices too. Funerals tend to be bigger here in Ireland so people read the death notices especially on rip.ie

Perfectly normal where I am - let's everyone know funeral and visiting arrangements etc

E.g. Visitors to son's house, family flowers only, donations in lieu of flowers to xx charity.

Saves bothering family at an already stressful time.

Good job Dp didnt read the death notices in the paper he was reading.

It announced that his much loved df had passed away.

This was hours after he had spoken to his dm who told him his df couldn’t come to the phone at that time he was out.

Very odd family.

Never understood why you would put s death notice in the paper

I think it’s a “do what feels right” type situation.

My dad reads the obituaries in the local paper every week. He was a nurse for the elderly so used to check for his old patients dying.

He did discover that way that an old family friend had died the other week and the announcement meant they where able to attend the funeral and get back in touch with the family.

I guess it’s just an old fashioned version of posting it on fb reAlly!

In ireland death notices would appear on local radio, local papers, announced at mass and there is a dedicated website rip.ie that would have all the death notices. It isn't an obituary just the announcement with funeral details. Funerals here though are quite large and you'd often go to a funeral never having met the person who died but because you knew the bereaved and wanted to support them and give your respect. All the above would be organised by the funeral directors

In my hometown people still do and my family have done for a relative who was a teacher in the town. Quite a few former pupils attended, so it served its purpose in that respect.

It's quite old fashioned but I know a lot of people from outside Dublin read them.
One poor woman told me her husband was sick. I texted her a few days later to see how he was, and she told me he'd died and was already buried. Nobody from work knew anything about it...she'd assumed that it would have been seen in the newspaper so didn't tell anyone.

In ireland death notices would appear on local radio, local papers, announced at mass and there is a dedicated website rip.ie that would have all the death notices. It isn't an obituary just the announcement with funeral details. Funerals here though are quite large and you'd often go to a funeral never having met the person who died but because you knew the bereaved and wanted to support them and give your respect. All the above would be organised by the funeral director

It's a very big deal in Ireland, but my very limited experience with funerals in the UK was quite different.

In Ireland, you wouldn't assume that the family would know of everyone who wanted to come to the funeral, so best to make the arrangements widely available.

We put my Mum's death announcement in the local paper.

Her abusive ex who stole all of her money turned up at the funeral and caused a scene. He had to be tackled out by several family members. Never again.

Also in Spain, where I am from, announcements are stapled to the local town hall.

It's normal to put a notice in the paper. Seeing the comments from posters in Ireland, I wonder if that's because we're from an Irish family and so are most of the community around us.
My DM would definitely comment as your mum did.

I'm in Yorkshire, not Ireland. Funerals here are less of a big deal than they used to be, I guess - most people I know either go for a humanist service at the crematorium or have a small service at the local church followed by a sandwich buffet at the pub. I know in the past that it was more usual to have a large church service and then go back to the family home for a tea, always with a ham (I have no idea why that became so traditional and personally find it really distasteful). Newly-widowed women were judged on the quality of the spread they put on for their guests. I can't stand all that stuff but I suspect my mum is of the silently-judging persuasion. I do find it interesting how these things change over time, though.