Death announcements in the paper - who was BU?

[GraceMarks]

Sorry for a slightly morbid topic, but I recently had an experience where the mother of a friend of mine died unexpectedly and she and her sisters had to suddenly sort out all the various arrangements for the funeral and notifying banks, utility providers, etc etc. It was a very stressful time with an awful lot to think about.

A couple of weeks later, I was talking to my own mum and she happened to mention that she had been "looking out for the death announcement" in the local paper, but hadn't seen one and wondered if my friend knew that this was something that people are supposed to do. I asked my mum why she actually needed to see a death announcement at all, given that she already knew that my friend's mother had died, and surely anyone who is particularly interested or who knows the person who has died would have found out through friends, family etc. She got a bit huffy then and muttered something about tradition and etiquette. She seemed to be implying that my friend had made a kind of faux-pas by not announcing her mum's death, on top of all the other things she had to sort out.

Is this really something people still do, or is my mum being hopelessly old-fashioned? Just wondering what the norm is where other people come from!

This morning I picked up our local paper to find that someone I went to school with has died. This means I can go to the funeral next week, without that conventional death notice I wouldn’t even have known.

My granny left a note that there be no notice in the paper , it's up to the family themselves what way the announcement is made

My nan past away in January. As far as I know my mum and sisters didn't put anything in the paper.

Does anyone under the age of 80 or so read the notices though?

Yes me!

My mum died in 2017 - honestly it never occurred to us to put anything in any paper. If we had thought of it, we'd have put something in one of the Irish papers as Mum was from Ireland - none of her friends in the UK get a paper anymore but all our Irish relatives still check the obituaries.

And I did tell one of her ex-friends not to come to the funeral as I know 100% that Mum wouldn't have wanted her there (and I wouldn't have been able to trust myself not to punch her....)

I think your mum is worried you won’t put a notice in the paper for her when she goes. You’ve said you will here so maybe best to gently let her know that!

It wouldn't occur to me to check any newspaper (we still have one delivered every day) for death announcements. And I'm 'older generation'.

However I've heard of old people checking the papers whenever possible, to see if anyone they know has died - not in order to mourn, but to positively relish the fact of having outlived them. 😈

When my dad died, the undertaker organised the notice. We just had to send what we wanted in it to her. That's how a lot of people found he'd died and then came to the funeral.

We didn’t because we told all of the people we knew mum would’ve wanted there.

It honestly wouldn't occur to me to put a notice in a paper, for a death, birth or marriage. Most people I would be likely to be involved with the arrangements for have moved a fair amount so there would be very little point in putting one in the paper at their final location, including myself.

I was asked by the funeral undertakers if I wanted my mum's death put in the paper. This is an additional cost to the funeral plan. That is how someone's death is announced in the paper. Even if it is external friends and family. Announcements are not part of funeral plans.

I think this tradition will die of death

@Pishogue have just seen your photo and caption. Actual lolz

I think this tradition will die of death

When the tradition dies I hope that means obituaries will get their own obituary

Our family always put the announcements in the local paper. I’ve done it for both my mum and dad as I wanted to let as many people know as possible. Both their funerals were incredibly well attended.

Still happens round here but usually only for people who were born pre-1960 or so.

Not such a tradition nowadays. I've even seen a Notice if a death (relative) on FB! Must say I was horrified.

Bearing in mind the costs associated with a funeral, I think it is a great idea.

My fathers death was in the Irish Times, a school friend of my brother who he had lost touch with was reading the IT weekly digest in Shanghai and was then able through other friends to offer his condolences. They then reconeccted and have a great long distance texting friendship.

I have just felt very old, I was born pre 1960 and probably wouldn’t expect an obituary in the local paper. We put one in for DM though who was born in 1933.

My father passed away and we are putting one in his home town and also in his current location. we don't know all his contacts and he was active in his business area. this allows people to know and have a connection with us. Some people have a relationship with a person ,though not active, still had an impact on their lives and they want to know to show their respect.

My sister died last Summer, my bil did not put a notice in the paper and I know it would have annoyed her but unfortunately I was not allowed to have any input into the funeral (long story).

However Hatched, Matched and Despatched were a big family joke... when my sister was married the first time, her Kiwi husband would crack up when letters arrived from my mum as little cuttings would fall out of the envelope and they would have to work our what had happened to whom! She would have laughed her socks off at an obit in the paper.

Its usual in our family to put a notice on the papers. The undertaker asked and arranged it.

I put my mother's in the paper. I wish now that i had saved the money. I also paid for it in our town bc of my dc. I don't think my mother would have cared but i followed tradition.

If your mother wants it, put it in. It's your final or almost final thing that you will do for her.