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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:
Moneys2Tight2Mention · 28/02/2019 12:37

Ummmm your bed, your rules I think!

But you could suggest that you would change his pillowcase if he's due to stay over. Just buy those packs of 2 cheapy ones and change it for when he comes over?

MojitoMojitoo · 28/02/2019 12:38

Mine sleep on my pillow with me or on my boyfriends pillow if im on that side! I will lint roll his pillow for him if they have been on it though or sometimes i put a little blanket over it.

I struggle to sleep without my cat haha i think her purring sends me off!

Anywho cats were there first so he needs to learn to deal with it Grin

Candidsugar · 28/02/2019 12:38

Your house, your cat it’s up to you. There’ll be lots of different opinions on this but offering to cover his pillow is a good compromise and he shouldn’t be arsy anymore about it. If he carries on about it then yes he’s being a prat.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/02/2019 12:38

or is he being a massive prat about it
Unless he's allergic, then yes he is.
Your house, your cats, your rules.
He cannot dictate what you do in your own home.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/02/2019 12:39

When I got with dp 11 years ago he had a cat which wasn't allowed on the bed. I soon changed that, now dp wouldn't have it any other way (different cat).

DingDongDenny · 28/02/2019 12:39

If he is allergic to cats, then YOU are being a massive prat about it.

And I am someone who is slave to 2 cats who also like to sometimes sleep on my head

But I love my DH and if he was allergic they would be out of the bedroom. I don't think you care too much about your DP

DonnaDarko · 28/02/2019 12:40

LTB

kidding, but he is being ridiculous. I had cats for years and never got ill from them. He's more likely to catch pink eye from a snotty nosed kid

RedSkyLastNight · 28/02/2019 12:40

I wouldn't want to sleep in a bed covered with cat hair either, so I'm with your bf.
So, whilst I agree, it's up to you what you do in your own house, I suspect you may have to choose between the cats or him ...

IDoN0tCare · 28/02/2019 12:41

Next it will be, ‘cat shouldn’t be in the kitchen, cat shouldn’t be on the sofa, I don’t think the cat should be allowed in at night, etc’. Think about the future OP and how far you’re willing to change things to accommodate this man.

Fannybaws52 · 28/02/2019 12:41

He honestly sounds a bit of an arse. It's YOUR house and YOUR bed. You decide who or what sleeps in your bed.

Cat hair on the pillow would annoy me too but if you are changing the bedding for him coming over or keeping a set of pillows aside for him, he can't complain and if he does then he thinks himself more important than he is to you.

Cats rule, boyfriends drool! Wink

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:42

Moneys yes I will do that, and make sure she doesn't come into contact with his pillow but then he was just as perturbed I'm letting the on the bed at all. He said it was "our"place to sleep (it bloody isn't, it's my house not his but I bit my tongue) and that I should think about his comfort.

He did text this morning to say sorry for moaning about her and generally he is a brilliant guy, but this has really pissed me off.

OP posts:
IDoN0tCare · 28/02/2019 12:42

If he is allergic to cats, then YOU are being a massive prat about it.

If he is allergic to cats, then he is being a massive prat getting into a relationship with a cat lover.

MojitoMojitoo · 28/02/2019 12:43

Hes not allergic tho is he? Just having a moan about the fur?

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:43

DingDong he is not allergic and of course if he was I would be more tolerant....but he isn't.

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 28/02/2019 12:44

Well it's up to you. Why not just keep a stack of fresh pillowcases for each time he stays with you.

MojitoMojitoo · 28/02/2019 12:44

Then clearly the cats just havent trained him fully yet!

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/02/2019 12:45

He's BU. It's your house and your bed so he doesn't get to dictate. I would maybe put a pillow aside in a cupboard or somewhere that he can call 'his' pillow - I do understand him not wanting to sleep on a hairy pillow as I think when it's not your cat and you don't love them it becomes an irritant rather than lovely warm fluff.

Finfintytint · 28/02/2019 12:45

Could you get your boyfriend a basket and put in next to the radiator at night so he doesn’t get too cold?

adaline · 28/02/2019 12:46

Your house, your rules.

Maybe suggest he brings clean bedding and changes the bed if it bothers him?

reallyanotherone · 28/02/2019 12:46

“Pink eye”? Is he american?

No, you can’t catch conjunctivitis from a cat.

He’s a bit possesive about his place in your house/bed, isn’t he? Like you say it’s your place.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 28/02/2019 12:46

It's more like 'your house, your cat, your cats' rules'.

We don't like the cat being on the table and chase her off every time.
Ten years later, she's still on the table every chance she gets.

I'm with a pp, just get him his own pillow and keep it in a cupboard for when he comes over.

DareDevil223 · 28/02/2019 12:47

I made it very clear when my DP and I got together over 6 years ago that it was 'love me love my cat'

Dcat sleeps on the bed sometimes and DP is cool with that. He loves Dcat to the extent that he's made up songs for him Grin.

Stick to your guns OP or he'll be trying to control some other aspect of your life.

MrsMozartMkII · 28/02/2019 12:47

If you're happy and it's your home... you'll have to decide if you're willing to make the change.

Had a boyfriend once who didn't like my German Shepherd (dog) sleeping in my room. He went onto say that when we got married and had children then the dog would of course have to be got rid of. Hm. He was an ex-boyfriend pretty smarttish.

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:48

Mojito they've trained him well as in he loves them, buys them dreamies and lets the kitten bite the fuck out of him, he just has a thing about them on the bed.

I change the sheets etc every week, they're not rank or covered in cat hair, he's just a bit precious about certain things. But yes, a fresh stack of pillow cases will be a good thing, then when he comes over he can change them himself so he knows they're fresh.

I still think he's being a massive pillock over this, and the cats will always win lol.

OP posts:
NoParticularPattern · 28/02/2019 12:49

I guess so long as you change the bedding so he doesn’t have to sleep in cat hair then YANBU. I’m not allergic to cats but they do make my nose a bit itchy if I were to come into close contact with their hair (ie on a pillow) although this is the same for any animals, not just cats! I’d not be happy sleeping on a pillow where the cat has slept if the linen hadn’t been changed but if it has then no problem whatsoever.

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