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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:
2manybiscuits · 02/03/2019 10:23

Sounds like he is allergic which will cause conjunctivitis and itchiness etc. I am highly allergic and couldn't sleep where cats are. If he doesn't like it though then he should choose what to do. I don't want red eye and allergy flare ups so won't visit anyone with a cat. Simple.

altiara · 02/03/2019 10:33

Cats protection league do say cats should be kept in at night.

I think it’s different when it’s your pets vs other people pets. My pets are family and can sleep in the bed, other people pets are potentially dirty animals that I wouldn’t want to share a bed with.
In your boyfriends shoes, I’d be having a relationship with you and not the animals, but over time they i’d become friends with the cats and maybe wouldn’t mind them on the bed.

blackteasplease · 02/03/2019 10:42

I would change the pillow case for him when he comes. I'm not sure he's going the right way about expressing it but I wouldn't want cat hair on my pillow either!

MitziK · 02/03/2019 18:58

I'd change the boyfriend. Far less hassle in the long run.

YoThePussy · 02/03/2019 19:14

blighter your cat is lovely, would happily wake up to that too. Mine are not allowed in the bed as they bring bits of cat litter with them!

Serin · 02/03/2019 19:30

We have a lovely cat and an adorable dog but dear God, we wouldn't want to sleep with either of them. They dont use toilette paper for a start and both if them eat stuff that I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. I'm with your boyfriend, I'd leave.

Brigante9 · 02/03/2019 20:02

My dogs sleep with me if my dh is at work. I try to keep them off the pillow (picture is the spare bed, in my ‘dressing room’) because it is unpleasant having hair and poo crumbs on your face. I love my dogs but they don’t get to lie on my or the dh’s pillow. Generally, the pillow is put on the floor, propped up.

dreichuplands · 02/03/2019 20:08

We have a cat and he isn't allowed in our bedroom, he covers the rest of the house in enough fur as it is.

caringcarer · 02/03/2019 20:17

We have a kitten and she has run of downstairs but not upstairs. Dogs downstairs only two. They all have own beds dogs in dining room and cat in lounge. The problem you have is your cat has always slept on your bed so will think she is being punished if you stop her now. My kitten knows no different and enjoys a snuggle on sofa but happy to sleep in her own basket. Animals even when flead every month could still get a flea.

codenameduchess · 02/03/2019 20:19

the compromise is fair enough, if he still has issue I don't see what else you can offer. He doesn't live there and definitely can't expect to dictate what you can and can't do- I agree that's a much bigger issue than where the cat sleeps.

My cats sleep on the bed, much to my grandmas horror! And I don't think me 'not letting' them would change that... I tried to shut them out a couple of times but they howled until I caved. They're hairy little monsters but I love spooning them while I drop off. No cases of pink eye in 7 years and a lint roller deals with fur patches.

Sassysolly08 · 02/03/2019 20:26

I love cats; I've owned cats (or they've owned me). You've kinda met him halfway as you said you've covered his pillow. But if he has a true allergy to cats then it would have been a problem from day 1 of your relationship. Cat hair is there whether you like it or not. Okay he doesn't like the cat sleeping on his pillow - tell him to bring his own and take it with him when he leaves! Your bed, your pillows! He's probably jealous at the thought of the cat getting all the attention when he isn't there. You've compromised by stating you've covered his pillow so that when he comes to sleep over then his pillow is clear. If he still makes a fuss then tell him - this is the cat's home and cat was here before you! Like it lump but the cat stays!!!!!!!

BlimeyCalmDown · 02/03/2019 20:30

I have a cat and a small dog on my bed! My ex used to be a little allergic so I just kept his pillow in a cupboard and it was brought out each time he stayed. It's not why he is an ex!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 02/03/2019 20:52

It’s your bed, but yes, I think YABU and slovenly. They’re animals; human diseases come from when we slept with animals centuries ago. No need to go back to sleeping with them; it is disgusting and there’s a reason animals spread disease.

Sure, you’re not gonna get some strain of flu from the animal, but you really should have higher standards.

echt · 02/03/2019 21:08

human diseases come from when we slept with animals centuries ago

Really?

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2019 21:32

human diseases come from when we slept with animals centuries ago

But unlike centuries ago, we now have highly trained vets! Pets are vaccinated against serious diseases, with annual boosters, and are given regular treatments protecting them from fleas and worms.

There's no evidence now that diseases are spreading due to allowing pet cats and dogs to sleep on our beds. Some people are allergic; like my DH is to dogs hence we don't have a pet dog. (I'm a cat person, so I'm happy with this.)

As long as you wash your bedding and clothes regularly, then it's not slovenly.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 02/03/2019 21:32

I don't think he is being unreasonable. I'm allergic to cats and this would make me furious.
But even without an allergy, he's within his rights to not want to sleep on a pillow that an animal has been lying on. And I say that as someone whose dog is generally flat out on our bed.

dragonsfire · 02/03/2019 21:34

Love me love my cat (who sleeps on my pillow)

We also have a dog that sleeps between us- so romantic 😂

On a serious note what happens if live together?

He obviously is not a cat person - would be a deal breaker for me.

Helpmytrousershavesplit · 02/03/2019 22:54

@whattodo - you made me laugh.
Wow. Some folks are just plain thick.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 03/03/2019 05:30

whattodo - you made me laugh.
Wow. Some folks are just plain thick.

Helpmytrousershavesplit Oh really? Please, tell me what in my post is factually incorrect.

Right now there are 39 diseases humans can catch from animals (and those are just the important ones). There are at least 48 diseases from the bite of bugs that bit an infected animal, and there are at least 42 important diseases that people get by ingesting or handling food or water contaminated with animal faeces.

Animal to human diseases are called zoonoses. If we’re talking about cats specifically, there’s Cat Scratch Fever (that comes from the germ Bartonella hensela cats can carry), toxoplasmosis and ringworm, Q fever, plague is certainly possible, and there are several other infections and parasites cats can get.

So yeah, humans sleeping with animals is not a good idea and was a major cause of poor health and life expectancy throughout most of human history. We don’t need to be going backwards because naive and silly animal owners think they’re comforting or cute.

madcatladyforever · 03/03/2019 05:41

I've had up to 4 cats sleeping on my bed for 30 years and my son grew up with them and never caught anything. If you have them properly vaccinated, wormed and make sure their claws are cut and they are properly groomed they are fine.
Unfortunately a lot of people don't look after their animals properly.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 03/03/2019 05:49

I've had up to 4 cats sleeping on my bed for 30 years and my son grew up with them and never caught anything.

madcatladyforever Anecdotal and irrelevant.

Jimmy down the road has been smoking fags since he was 11 and he’s fine. So we should all make sure we’re getting our daily dose of lung cancer, right?

Oh, and his wife Paula eats her own faeces and she’s perfectly fine, so we should all add it to our diets, right? Hmm

Just because you have been doing something for decades doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Overwhelming evidence and human history aren’t overridden because your poor choices haven’t come back to bite you yet.

avocadochocolate · 03/03/2019 06:07

YABU. I love cats but I definitely would not want them sleeping on my pillow. I would want a new pillow, not just a clean pillowcase. I would not be so grossed out with them sleeping elsewhere in the bed.

Gingerkittykat · 03/03/2019 06:16

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue

How many cases in the UK of zoonosis exist from a healthy, vaccinated, flea and worm treated cat sleeping in the bed of a healthy person have happened?

The risk is exceptionally small. Fair enough if you don't want cats on your bed but no need to panic about it.

sashh · 03/03/2019 06:24

He is being very unreasonable and I am surprised your cats put up worth it, I mean he is using one of their pillows.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue

And the last case of plague in the UK was when? I know it still pops up in India but the chances of the OP's cats having it are virtually nil.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 03/03/2019 06:35

He totally must be a renowned doctor because firstly he identifies conjunctivitis as “pink eye” and then he suggests humans can catch this infection from cats. Please tell me where he studied.
Is he this thick in other areas of life? Is he worth it? Personally I could neither go out with a really stupid person, nor a cat hater. And he is both, so do you really want this?

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