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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:

OliviaCat · 28/02/2019 15:21

I adore my cats but they are not allowed on the beds. They shed fur and it's very irritating to eyes and skin for all of us.

If they DO sneak on then I have a supply of those sticky-lint rollers from Primark which does the job and gets all the fur off.

Personally I would change the sheets and pillow case for your partner. Depends how much you like him really! :)

Rainsunwindhail · 28/02/2019 15:24

My partner knows he’d never win in an ultimatum involving him or the cat. No man would. My cat got me through some tricky times. It would be the same with a dog, or a bird. I love my partner but am very self sufficient in every way and don’t think romantic relationships are the be all and end all, having now been in a few and got the battle scars.

Original poster

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 15:31

Thanks all for your opinions :)

I've taken everything on board and obviously it's something some people find disgusting and some people find endearing.

Thanks again!

OP posts:

Grumpelstilskin · 28/02/2019 15:31

The freshly covered pillow is a good compromise. It’s a great test to see if someone has the potential to upgrade to full on live-in DP/DH. Mine passed with flying colours. We have eventually built a custom bed of two king-size mattresses because we have 4 large greyhounds that will come for their morning snooze with us. They don’t smell, don’t have any dander and don’t shed a lot though. We change the bedlinen 2-3 a week. They have better morning breath than most people…

MrsFrankDrebin · 28/02/2019 15:38

Unashamed cat lover here (we have several, all rehomed/adopted at various stages of kittenhood/adulthood when no one else wanted them).

They do sleep on our beds - they all seem to have decided who their own 'designated human' is between them (humans don't get the choose which cat is 'theirs' - it's definitely the other way round!). The youngest one, who we had from kittenhood, is now nearly 4, and thinks I'm his mum (he had a very poor start in life, and latched on to me when we adopted him because I was there all day when others were at work/school). He sleeps on the bed with me every night - not on the pillow (I'm guessing that's his choice!) but he likes to snuggle up on the duvet with a paw draped over my arm so that he knows I'm there. It's unbearably sweet! They also love to be on the sofa with us (it's leather, but I wash the cushion covers weekly, as I do the bedding.)

Dogs, however - no, could never have a dog on the bed, or the sofa. We don't have dogs, and none of us are dog people, but friends have dogs, and there's one huge advantage of cats over dogs: cats don't smell of wet/dirty cat. Ever. Dogs nearly always (unless they're really kept scrupulously clean on an almost daily basis) somehow do. Cats also don't go often out in the rain unless they want to (which is rarely!) whereas dogs need walking no matter what the weather, so wet dog can't really be avoided a lot of the time, and I do understand that.

But the reality is the house, the sofas/chairs and our beds don't smell of cat(s), wet or otherwise, and we have covered indoor litter trays (well-used) as well. In addition, I work from home, and sometimes have clients coming to the house, and they would not be backwards in coming forwards if the house smelt unpleasantly of cat in any way at all! Whereas I know people with just one dog, beautifully cared for, lovely and looked after, but their houses (sorry) smell of dog. It's just 'there'. I believe the difference is in the fur and how the two species deal with water.

So you go right ahead, OP, and sleep with your cat, but the suggestion of having clean bedding for your OH when he stays over sounds like the perfect compromise.

Cats are the best! (Bias completely obvious - apologies to all the dog people out there!)

GummyGoddess · 28/02/2019 15:39

I have two cats, one sleeps on me at night but she is not allowed on pillows. Their paws have been in the litter tray, I don't want that on my face. It's bad enough when she tries to stick her paws in my mouth to wake me.

GunpowderGelatine · 28/02/2019 15:45

And saying put the cat at the end of the bed.....have you ever owned a cat. I could put her on the end of the bed a million times, she's a wilful soul and would just creep back to sleep next to me

Fair enough. And no never owned a cat. DH is allergic. The fucker if he wasn't I'd have 10 (but not on my bed!)

Jaxhog · 28/02/2019 15:47

Either tell him to bring his own pillow/pillowcase when he stays over or to sling his hook! (Love me, love my cats)

BlueSkiesLies · 28/02/2019 16:28

My cat sleeps on my bed when DP isn't here. Cat-on-bed cuddles is the whole pint of cats IMO.

Can you just cover up his pillow when he isn't there so ti doesn't get catted?

BlueSkiesLies · 28/02/2019 16:30

Or just keep his pillow in the wardrobe to be got out when he stays over.

GunpowderGelatine · 28/02/2019 16:38

Cat-on-bed cuddles is the whole pint of cats IMO.

What like this? A pint of cats!

YoThePussy · 28/02/2019 16:39

For OP and all the other cat loving posters. My boy helping me change the duvet.

Original poster

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 16:46

Aaaaw Yo he's gorgeous, and looks like he is a great help changing the bedding. My kitten is a nighmare when I change my bedding, loves nothing more than to jump up and hang from it all bless him.

OP posts:

YoThePussy · 28/02/2019 16:52

Betty he’s a very good boy and we love each other a lot. Has a tortie niece who is equally lovely but not so helpful.

MummysBusy · 28/02/2019 16:54

Hi OP, I'm afraid i haven't read the thread so apologies if this has been suggested, but just buy your bf his own pillow. Keep it well away from the cats!

We have cats and I absolutely cant stand them on the bed - they make me itch and it effects my sleep. I dont think either of you ABU, you just need a compromise.

Likethewind321 · 28/02/2019 16:57

Wellll I don’t like cats on my pillow. Mine are only allowed on top of the throw at the foot of the bed not in the bed or on the pillow. If they try it I move them. Cats lick their own arses, and they dribble, they bury their poo and maul dead mice with their claws, which they like to knees in the bedclothes. No thanks.

I especially wouldn’t like it if it was a cat other than my own. It would feel like I was being asked to sleep with my face in a random cat’s basket. Ew no thanks.

Kamma89 · 28/02/2019 18:02

I love my cats. No way would I let them sleep on my pillow! That's gross. Appreciate the cuddles are nice, just get a huge bedspread, protect the linen underneath.

goodwinter · 28/02/2019 18:53

My dog sleeps on my bed about half the night so I'm not against that at all - but covering up the pillow seems like a good compromise, or even taking that pillow off the bed at night? I can understand not wanting to breathe in cat hair from the pillow.

Belenus · 28/02/2019 19:31

I would not stay with a partner who put their pets above me in their priorities and it sounds as though that is going to be his decision as well. Good luck with finding someone who's happy to come second to a cat in your affections.

My animals are dependent on me for their welfare in a way that human partners are not. This means there is a sense in which a partner will come second in certain circumstances. I need to be out of the house at 7am to tend to my horse and that's my priority. It won't change because some bloke gets huffy with me. My horses have always been with me until death us do part, whereas men have dumped me with little or no warning in the past, so I know where my loyalties lie.

That's not to say I don't prioritise partners in some way. They just have to understand the importance of animals to me. The men who are right for me see it as a positive that I am committed to caring for another living being, rather than as a negative or a competitive thing. They see my ability to care for and prioritise a vulnerable living being as a good quality and realise that if they come 2nd, it's a damn good place to be.

Anyway OP, I think giving him his own pillow is a good compromise. I love my animals but don't want to share a pillow with a cat.

he screamed with fear when the car jumped on the bed one morning...!! Not even joking!

A car on the bed would scare the bejeesus out of anyone.

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 20:16

I would not stay with a partner who put their pets above me in their priorities
I don't think I'd want to stay with a partner who didn't put their pets above me! I can take care of myself, pets need looking after. They should come first.

HolesinTheSoles · 28/02/2019 20:23

That is so OTT. It's not like OP is staying in with her cats instead of going out on the boyfriend's birthday. She's just letting them sleep on her bed as she always has done. If he is so averse to cats he can surely just bring his own pillow?

ALargeGinPlease · 28/02/2019 20:44

Well, you're a more accommodating person than me. I had 2 dogs and a cat sleep on/in my bed when I first started seeing DH. He was horrified, but accepted, my house, my rules and that the animals were there first. Over the years, the dogs have been shut out of the bedroom, originally, when I was hugely pregnant, I couldn't fit them on the bed, then they were shut out when I was co-sleeping, the cat worked her way back in as soon as it was safe, but sadly, I've yet to get the dogs back in. I notice you say that your cats don't sleep there on the nights your boyfriend does, how would you feel if your boyfriend moves in and the cats are never allowed on your bed. I feel you're on a slippery slope here OP.

Meandwinealone · 28/02/2019 20:53

Picture please

FullOfJellyBeans · 28/02/2019 20:56

@YoThePussy I love that look of smug contentment. What a beauty!

SofaSurfer20 · 28/02/2019 21:04

Tell him to jog on. The precious dickhead. 😬

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