Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 28/02/2019 14:16

when I'm there on my own if I want cat snuggles then I shall have them.

And this makes you sound like a child.

Aquilla · 28/02/2019 14:18

I would hate this because I'm allergic too. Every time we go to PIL's my MIL makes us up a lovely bed but then lets her cats sleep all over the bloody pillows that day. Just shut the door ffs, I always silently howl. They are proper country cats too - eating baby rabbits and goodness know what...

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 14:20

Eliza I haven't dismissed his request at all, I shall make sure when he comes over he has a fresh pillow and I will put a throw over when he is not there so there won't be any cat hairs (not that there really are many anyway).

Would you let anyone dictate to you what you do in your own home? When they aren't even there?

OP posts:
NoCauseRebel · 28/02/2019 14:21

Tbh I don’t think either of you is wrong. you like the cats there, he doesn’t, and the compromise is fair enough.

However to talk to him about how lovely the cat is on the bed when he’s not there is rubbing that fact in his face a bit isn’t it? Fair enough to let the cats sleep there when he’s not there, but I’m not sure that it’s on to then gloat about it to him is it?

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 14:21

Oh and pink eye IS conjunctivitus

OP posts:
Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 14:22

Nocause it isn't. I wasn't gloating it was more of a OMG she looked so cute type of thing.But you're right, I just won't mention it again, will be far far easier.

OP posts:
LondonJax · 28/02/2019 14:23

Our cat's not allowed on the bed and we shut the bedroom doors at night time. Mainly because she is up with the sun and playing with her toys downstairs.

When we first got her (she's an ex cats protection league cat) she would be in our room at 4.30-5.00am so the door was shut to keep her out at night.

I used to have a cat when I was single who would curl up at the end of the bed and give me a gentle pat when she wanted breakfast but she was a 6.00-6.30am girl so I could cope with that! 4.30am is just too early.

I must admit I have become a bit more anti bed for the cat when I stayed at a friend's house and found a flea (moving) on the duvet cover one night...that was an interesting night's sleep...

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 28/02/2019 14:25

I love the fact he thinks he has a choice in the matter!

I like to think Im in charge of my house but the truth is my cat rules it with a furry iron paw.

Honestly, unless hes allergic... dont tell him.

Motherofcreek · 28/02/2019 14:28

My mum lets her cats sleep in her bed. It’s disgusting. Clumps of cat hairs and bits of weird cat skin stuff. How can anyone sleep in that. I bet it’s full of mites 😷

One singed his tail buy rubbing it around the out side of a coffee table which had an ash tray with a 🔥 lit cigarette in it Blush

maras2 · 28/02/2019 14:36

eliza
Pink eye is an inflammation of the conjunctiva ie.Conjuncivitis.

QuietlyQuaffing · 28/02/2019 14:39

Oh and pink eye IS conjunctivitus

Indeed, just like a sidewalk is a pavement and a faucet is a tap.

I think givemesteel has it right. It's not so much who's right and who's wrong, whether he's being pernickity or you're being minging, but having a similar level of tolerance over this stuff would be a more promising start.

I love my cats. I also love my parents and my 12 year old. None of them sleep in my bed. This is fine and normal to me - you don't have to be some strange cat-hating monster to not sleep with your cats.

SilverySurfer · 28/02/2019 14:42

Of course cats should be allowed on the bed. My old cat was a great judge of people. If I invited a boy friend home, the cat would go for strokes if he liked him. If not he would go to the opposite side of the room and sit facing the wall. Confirmation was when we woke in the morning and if he was sitting on the bloke's chest giving him the eyeball, I knew he wasn't the one for me, not to mention the bloke running a mile after waking and freaking out at the cat staring at him two inches from his face lol Grin

SpringForEver · 28/02/2019 14:43

I love having a cat on my bed, but I struggle with the fine hairs as I have weird skin and they irritate a lot, also problems with my eyes.

The solution is a light throw on the bed and I keep cat away from the pillows. Also have a lint roller by the bed to whisk over the pillows or the bedding that is near my face. Otherwise it tickles all night or until I get up and wash. Might be the dander I suppose.

I can see the reasoning in not having a cat on the pillow if this is the case.

KirrinIsland5 · 28/02/2019 14:45

LTB
Seriously
Cats are far more loyal than men

KM99 · 28/02/2019 14:46

I wouldn't want to share a bed with a cat. I find the idea a bit repellent. I'm a dog lover, but even with dogs I don't think they should be on furniture. But it's your house, you love your cats and he surely knew that from early on in your relationship.

Supersimpkin · 28/02/2019 14:49

Your BF is jealous of the cat. Correctly, as cats are nicer in bed than any gentleman.

madcatladyforever · 28/02/2019 14:50

LTB

I would make an exception for my ancient old girl though as she definitely isn't hygienic and has been know to crap under the bed Grin

OneStepSideways · 28/02/2019 14:52

I wouldn't like to sleep in a bed cats have slept in, and I love cats. When I was a student my housemate's cat used to share my bed (only the foot end) but I wouldn't do it now, and certainly not with a partner who found it icky.

It is unhygienic to be honest. They shed fine hair on the sheets and duvet, the sort of hair that drifts that gets into your mouth and nose. It is ITCHY!!

Cats mouths are teaming with bacteria and they lick themselves including their bottoms, then roll on the bedding. So yes, eye infections from a cat on the pillow are a real possibility. Along with worm eggs and mites!

Add to that the catty smell that you don't notice when you live with them but isn't very nice if you're not used to it.

I think at the very least you should change all the bedlinen and ban the cats from the bedroom before he stays over. And change his pillowslip if your daughter's used it! I think that's common curtesy when you have a guest.

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 14:56

Madcat that's nothing. I had an ancient old poorly girl god bless her soul, and she peed on the bed once.......whilst I was in it Grin
She was banned from the bed after that, for a while. I was single though, it didn't matter to anyone else.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 28/02/2019 15:02

Would you let anyone dictate to you what you do in your own home? When they aren't even there?

If it was a case of swapping pillows 3 times a week, then yes I would. Why can't you switch the pillow on the days he's there and swap it back when he goes?

I don't think it's unreasonable to let him have his own pillow that the cats don't wipe their arses all over.

Lizzie48 · 28/02/2019 15:02

When I first met my DH, I had one rescue cat, who always slept in my bed at night. I lived in a one bed flat and she used to miaow until I let her in. My DH wasn't keen on that, as she used to wake us up at least once a night.

I have 4 cats now and they no longer sled on the bed at night, though they do during the day.

It's all about compromise IMO.

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 15:14

I totally agree Eliza and I have said about a hundred times I will make sure whenever he stays he has a fresh pillow. I am going to buy him a new pillow and will keep it in my wardrobe when he's not here so the cat won't ever be near it.

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 28/02/2019 15:16

My cats sleep on the bed - I couldn't live with anyone who didn't love cats as much as me. Fortunately DH does.

Hazlenutpie · 28/02/2019 15:17

I think animals sleeping on human beds is disgusting.

Hazlenutpie · 28/02/2019 15:17

I think animals sleeping on human beds is disgusting.