Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:

Ghanagirl · 28/02/2019 21:15

I’m with your DP, animals in the bedroom yuk!

MitziK · 28/02/2019 21:37

DP grew up with cats that never came upstairs. Admittedly, they were farm cats, so rarely came in the house anyway, but he was a bit taken aback by my TwatCats having free roam of the house.

Number One TwatCat didn't help matters by waiting until he was just dropping off each night to launch himself so that he landed on DP's chest or bollocks before stomping over to my side, where he'd usually go to sleep neatly on the bottom third of the bed all night. Number Two TC didn't do that - she'd just overwhelm him with her love by getting as close as possible to him, clawing, purring and slobbering.

As he was becoming a nervous wreck at the thought of going to sleep, I let him get away with putting them out of the room after they had fusses for a while and, if he was staying up late, I'd leave the door open for them to come in, as I found it almost impossible to go to sleep without them., even though they were surprisingly fine with this.

Over time, he learned that the chances were that he'd have to navigate a TwatCat or two if he wanted to go to sleep and he was often too tired to argue with them, or they made a point of looking cute, all cuddled up to me and he felt too guilty to attempt moving their Royal Furry Arses.

These days, they've pretty much completed their training of him and he rarely even notices them except when we were doing 'stuff' the other night and he nearly squished one as he put his leg over

I chuck the quilt over the pillows when I make the bed each morning and they're never covered in fluff or worse and, as we change the linen weekly, the bed is clean.

Gingermuffin · 28/02/2019 22:28

Well I had the same argument with DP many years ago, he used to let his cat and dog sleep on my pillow while I wasn’t there. I’m not massively allergic to cats or dogs but I am slightly and prolonged contact with cat and dog hair around my face or just cats and dogs that are shedding like mad gives me horrible hayfever type symptoms. Not life threatening but massively uncomfortable for me.

My eyes swell and itch like mad, my throat itches and Sometimes I sneeze a lot. I love cats and I love dogs. I can spend time with both as long as I’m careful about not touching my face with no problems usually. I’m better with long haired cats (and have one) as they don’t shed the same so it’s a lot easier to minimise the amount of hair that gets near my face. Took him ages to believe I wasn’t just being a precious duck though.

My cat sleeps on my bed but at the bottom, she’s banned from the pillows but has her own comfy bit at the bottom of the bed.

Newname12 · 28/02/2019 22:38

I once had an over affectionate cat who needed to be touching someone all the time. She had to sleep on someone, beside or at the end of the bed wasn’t enough.

When i first started seeing dh the cat would climb up and settle on dh’s back when we were “getting to know each other” in bed

I loved that cat but even I drew the line there! Mind came in handy a few years later when i couldn’t get dc to stay in bed. Let the cat in, she would plonk herself down, pinning child to the bed, who then wouldn’t move for fear of disturbing the cat!

Ginnymweasley · 01/03/2019 14:20

My cats sleep on the bed... generally at the bottom but sometimes under the covers. I love the sound of them purring etc. The littlest one has deserted me now and sleeps at the foot of dds bed instead the little traitor.
Cats are wilfull and I am too lazy to argue anyway. Luckily my dh doesn't care. We recently moved house and one of my cats wouldn't come out of the cat carrier until dd came back from her gps, she then followed dd around for 3 days until she got used to the house. Cats can be so affectionate and loving.
I think your compromise is fine, it's not like you have hidden the cats sleeping on the bed from him for your entire relationship.

BeardedMum · 01/03/2019 14:25

Cats rule.

It’s you who are sleeping in their bed😉

cushioncovers · 01/03/2019 14:29

Just change the pillow case. Or rehome the boyfriend.

My cat sleeps on my bed. Wouldn't have it any other way 🐈

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 01/03/2019 19:08

I love my kitties and they sleep on my bed, but not the pillow. To be fair it is a bit gross to put your face where your cat's bum has been. But as long as you put an extra cover on it should be ok.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/03/2019 19:27

I'd make him bring his own pillow.

Thankfully DH is a cat lover, I wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place, let alone married him if he wasn't. We both know the cat is number one priority.

When we decided to move house I told DH I would only move somewhere it was suitable to have a cat. It would have been a deal breaker for me if he'd wanted to move somewhere different!

ShinyMe · 01/03/2019 19:58

I love my cat, and he always sleeps with me - as you say OP, it's a lovely part of having a cat (or a dog), snuggling up at night. My cat loves to get under the duvet when it's cold.

I had an aborted one night stand a year or so ago, and told the guy I have a cat before he came, and was all oh that's fine but then he PUSHED MY CAT OFF THE BED and shouted at him and then still expected me to sleep with him.

ForalltheSaints · 01/03/2019 20:25

You are the owner of the house that has a cat who lives there. Surely the cat should decide on where to sleep?

Stompythedinosaur · 01/03/2019 20:48

Dp struggled with dcat when we first got together, but because he isn't a twat and actually likes me he decided not to start our relationship by laying down rules about how I lived.

Tavannach · 01/03/2019 20:53

He said it was "our"place to sleep (it bloody isn't, it's my house not his but I bit my tongue)

Don't bite your tongue. Your house, your bed, your rules.
Perhaps he could seek professional help.

3in4years · 01/03/2019 21:00

Eeewww! I wouldn't sleep where a cat had been sleeping either. But it seems like most people would.

Meandwinealone · 01/03/2019 21:14

@ShinyMe

Maybe that should be a test! If they snuggle up with your something else cat
Then they’re a keeper

Hearthside · 01/03/2019 21:34

Well he wouldn't like our house then because we have two dogs and cat's sharing a space on the bed every night. If you tried too move the cats they would give you the look and put themselves straight back .

Almostfifty · 01/03/2019 21:42

I love cats, I've two of my own.

I went to stay with my DS who has two cats. I got into bed and realised there was a total fur blanket from the shredding cats on the quilt.

I've not stayed with her since.

Our cats sleep outside every night, unless the weather is baltic, when they sleep in the shed.

JenniferJareau · 02/03/2019 08:18

Our cats sleep outside every night, unless the weather is baltic, when they sleep in the shed.

Cats should be kept in at night.

ShinyMe · 02/03/2019 08:33

My childhood cats always slept outside, because they preferred it. We were rural though. They liked prowling around the field catching things, and they had a double walled insulated bunker bed in the woodshed to sleep in, and hay bales in the barn too. They only came in overnight when there was heavy snow.

My current cat hates being outside unless I'm with him and it's sunny. I do also share an outdoor cat with next door though, and he rarely comes in. He likes sleeping in the hedge where he can see what's going on and catch the odd mouse.

SandyY2K · 02/03/2019 09:03

I'm a cat lover, but I don't think he's being unreasonable and neither are you necessarily.

Much as I like cats, I don't have sleeping in my bedroom. They do sometimes come in during the daytime and lay on the bed, but I wouldn't have them on the pillows.

I don't want them grooming themselves on my pillow, with legs cocked up and licking their private parts as they do.

For a minute when you said your 4 years old girl, I thought it was your DD.

BrokenWing · 02/03/2019 09:08

He is being unreasonable, your house, your rules, but if you prefer your cats in bed to your boyfriend maybe call it a day and find someone who either doesnt mind cat hair in their bed, or your like enough to kick the cats or of bed.

I wouldn't relish sleeping in a cat hair bed either.

blighter · 02/03/2019 09:10

this is what i wake up to most mornings..dh has to suck it up

Oldraver · 02/03/2019 09:24

Tell him it isn't 'his' pillow it's the cats, and he's lucky she will share

MoistMolly · 02/03/2019 09:47

Cats should be kept in at night.

What a load of bollocks

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2019 10:21

I agree, @MoistMolly my cats would absolutely hate that!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8