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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU re cats sleeping on my bed

189 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 12:34

This is going to sound really petty but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I've been with my bf for about 18 months now. He as a bit shocked when we first started seeing each other that I let my cats sleep on my bed. He makes jokes about how he hopes they're not sleeping on "his" pillow and how he'll get pink eye from them. I don't let them in the bedroom at night when he stays over (maybe 3 times a week) but on the nights I'm on my own they come in and snuggle and my 4 year old girl does like to sleep on his pillow.

Last night we were chatting on the phone and I was just saying how cute she looked the night before and he was genuinely annoyed I'd let her sleep there, said that he wants to be able to go to sleep without cat hair going up his nose and feeling itchy. Now, I have had cats all my life and have never had a problem and surely all cats sleep on the bed.....isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

He was a bit of a misery and said he wouldnt stay over anymore to which I replied fine, I've had her four years, she was here first and I will not be banishing her from my room. I have however said I will cover his pillow up so she doesn't sleep directly on it but seriously, am I being slovenly letting them sleep on my bed or is he being a massive prat about it.

OP posts:
Frangipane · 28/02/2019 13:20

Gosh there is a compromise to be had here surely? I have lived with cats all my life, and let them sleep on my bed during the day, though they are always shut off from the main part of the house at night to avoid waking up to prey all over the house in the morning. My dh was not a cat person when I met him and still prefers that the cats do not sleep directly on his pillow. Sometimes they get on it anyway, but I also try to keep a cover over the pillow if the bed has not been made and they get on it to sleep. That is no hardship to the cat, but it shows a little respect on my part towards dh.

All you have to do is reserve a pillow for when your bf visits, or at the very least change the pillow case when he is staying over night. No need for this talk of cats v bf. Confused

Frangipane · 28/02/2019 13:20

Sorry, I crossed posts with you OP. I think your compromise sounds very reasonable.

MIA12 · 28/02/2019 13:27

Could you get your boyfriend a basket and put in next to the radiator at night so he doesn’t get too cold?

Grin Grin

OP, don’t banish them from the bedroom unless you want to. Next thing will be him banishing then from the house. It’s your house and he has to fit in with your routines to some extent.

Eliza9917 · 28/02/2019 13:41

isn't that the beauty of having a cat, the bedtime snuggles.

That;s the beauty of having a BF, which you won't have for much longer if you carry on like this.

I let dogs on the bed but I don't let them sleep on the pillows. If he's told you he doesn't like hair all over his face then you need to respect that and cover the pillow when the cat is on it or change the pillow case when he stays.

Breathing in hair, dander, dirt from the ground or their bums is just minging.

fourquenelles · 28/02/2019 13:42

I put a throw over the pillow next to me so one of my Galgo boys (greyhound type) can sleep on the pillow next to me. I whip it off when BF comes to stay.

fourquenelles · 28/02/2019 13:42

Ugh horrible grammar

sewingbeezer · 28/02/2019 13:43

If he's not a cat lover, sorry but you need to find a new boyfriend who adores them as much as you do.

When I moved 100 plus miles to a new area for my job, I had to leave my darling puss with a friend whilst I sorted somewhere permanent to live as I was staying in temporary lodgings. A cute new work colleague heard about my dilemma and said he loved cats, didn't have any at the moment and he'd be happy to look after puss whilst I looked for a place to rent.

He's now my DH and our current 2 cats still sleep on the bed with us.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2019 13:45

I think your boyfriend is a big fucking cry baby who has the audacity to dictate how you live in your own home. What a twat.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/02/2019 13:46

Ahhhhh.... @sewingbeezer - what a lovely story.

RiverTam · 28/02/2019 13:49

One of our cats sleeps on our bed but she has learnt to sleep only on DH's side (where she disturbs him several times a night), as I'm not keen. I don't like her blanket being on my side during the day either.

Of course it is your house so he only has so much say - but if you want your relationship to continue and prosper compromise is needed.

ZanyMobster · 28/02/2019 13:51

I think it's a bit like having kids, you tend to like them better if they are your own Grin. Neither DH or I were particularly cat lovers but got kittens as we felt it would be good for the DCs. We adore them now.

They of course were NEVER going to be allowed on the worktops, the bed etc etc but they of course do as they please no matter how much we try not to. They never came upstairs to begin with but as they got older they just scratched at the lounge door. They sleep on our bed every night now, they are huge 7kg cats and take up so much space but we bought a snuggly throw and put it at the end of the bed so they tend to sleep at that end which is good. Could that work?

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 28/02/2019 13:52

i'd put a whole set of clean linen out every time he came around and tell him to crack on, "change the bed when you are ready ,darling, give me a shout and I'll be up when you are done" see how keen he is to put himself out

you get to sleep with the cats, and have a freshly made bed more often.

I must admit I am falling more to the side that your boyfriend is a big fat twat than anything else....where will it end??

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 13:53

That;s the beauty of having a BF, which you won't have for much longer if you carry on like this

Carry on like what Eliza? I've offered a compromise which I will do, and to be frank if someone is unwilling to meet me half way and would prefer to tell me what to do in my own house (and whilst hes not even there I might add) I wouldn't want him as a bf anyway. I have no problem at all shutting them out on the nights he stays over but when I'm there on my own if I want cat snuggles then I shall have them.

OP posts:
outpinked · 28/02/2019 13:54

It’s obviously up to you because it’s your house, your bed and your cat. I wouldn’t be best pleased about sleeping there though if I’m being honest, I would need to change the pillowcase.

Rainsunwindhail · 28/02/2019 13:57

My partner stays around 3x pw and is allergic to cats but accepts my dating profile mentioned I had a cat (for this very reason!) I let her sleep on the bed if she wants to when I’m alone but keep her shut out of the bedroom when he stays over. He just takes an anti histamine and gets on with it. He claims to be ambivalent towards her but then last night I heard him giving her Dreamies and calling her a cute nickname he used to call his beloved but now departed dog Grin

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 13:58

I wish DCat1 would sleep on the other pillow - then I wouldn't end up sleeping diagonally across the bed because he's decided to nap on the bottom end of my side of the bed! I think my pets have a tag team thing going on so that I don't get my bed to myself.

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 13:58

Actually that's a good idea Rains, I'll just give him an anti histamine.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 28/02/2019 14:04

I would not sleep in a bed that routinely has animals sleeping in it and I don't think that is unreasonable. It sounds to me, OP, that the cats are more important to you than he is. Which I guess is your choice, but I would not stay with a partner who put their pets above me in their priorities and it sounds as though that is going to be his decision as well. Good luck with finding someone who's happy to come second to a cat in your affections.

givemesteel · 28/02/2019 14:10

Just get another pillow and pillowcase and just put it in a cupboard when he's not there.

But I don't see this relationship lasting as I think you have to be reasonably aligned on how pedantic you are on things like this as you'll drive each other crazy if you were to move in together.

Helpmytrousershavesplit · 28/02/2019 14:10

Agree you are being very reasonable OP - any more BS from him and I would start to get pretty pissed off at his attention seeking moaning!
Love cuddling on the bed with my 2 cats - thankfully so does my DH. We don't get nose fulls of hair or anything!

scaryteacher · 28/02/2019 14:11

Not the cats obviously. Every cat I've ever owned has slept on the bed.

Bridget You evident don't have cats!

Original poster
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2019 14:12

Bridget it's not a case of the cats being more important than him,
it's a case of him feeling he can tell me wha to do in my own house whilst he's not even there.

My cats are part of my family, they are important, my kid is important and of course my bf is important but it's not a competition. Bloody hell, when I was bedridden afer a major op my girl cat was there, she didn't leave my side, she slept with me (on me if she could) and she loves me. If I was to just say oh fuck her, I've got a boyfriend now so she can do one, well I think that would make me a shit person. It's not to do with being second in my affections, they all have their own place, there should be no reason to chose.

OP posts:
BipBippadotta · 28/02/2019 14:12

Your compromise sounds perfectly reasonable. Many years ago I had an ex who was uptight about my cat sleeping on the bed (not allergic, just fussy). It turned out to be one of many things about which he was fussy and uptight.

twoshedsjackson · 28/02/2019 14:12

One of the sayings I've learned from Mumsnet is "cats before twats" and I treasure it......
From the sound of it, this is a bit harsh in relation to your BF, but he's not allergic, and you've offered a compromise, and as you say it's your house and the cat has been there longer.
But from the sound of it, the cat is winning him over anyway.......

Eliza9917 · 28/02/2019 14:14

Carry on like what Eliza? I've offered a compromise which I will do, and to be frank if someone is unwilling to meet me half way and would prefer to tell me what to do in my own house (and whilst hes not even there I might add) I wouldn't want him as a bf anyway. I have no problem at all shutting them out on the nights he stays over but when I'm there on my own if I want cat snuggles then I shall have them.

Carry on dismissing his request.

It is not unreasonable to want to sleep on a pillow that is not covered in hair and a cat hasn't wiped its arse all over. You may not care but a lot of people do. Plus its just basic hygiene really.

And for posters above, pink eye is not conjunctivitis, pink eye is something you catch from faeces.

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