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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 01/03/2019 07:59

@NigellaAwesome
I haven't rtft but your list is exactly what I would think, is he hiding from someone, give him until Monday to go, stay with a friend until then, ring the non emergency police number first for advise, explain you are unsure of his temperament.
Change all locks on Monday.

twofingerstoEverything · 01/03/2019 08:30

Did she have kind of reason / excuse for it?
Apparently 'she forgot to close it...' every time and, in the previous place she lived, it 'wasn't a problem'.
Just weird.
I must say, the installation of doorbells, speakers, etc would be a massive red flag to me, too, as would being locked out of my own home. I'd have given protein guy notice by now. I am very clear about house rules before people move in (loud music is a massive no for me), but I wouldn't expect to have to tell someone they couldn't installl new doorbells etc because it wouldn't occur to me in advance that someone would be so ignorant of boundaries.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2019 09:03

That’s progress. So what is your next move Scrabbled?

Twofingers
What?? Yes. Really normal.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2019 09:03

Sarcasm btw.....

NigellaAwesome · 01/03/2019 11:11

Two fingers it almost sounds like pathological demand avoidance syndrome.

Peacocking · 03/03/2019 01:07

Be careful he's not logging your internet use - if he was it would mean he'd be likely to have seen this thread.

PregnantSea · 03/03/2019 01:24

YABU.

Why do you think you haven't already kicked him out? I don't believe that you don't know that his behaviour is unacceptable. Do you have issues with standing up to people? If so then I think it's time to knock those on the head.

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 03/03/2019 08:03

Hi scrabbled

Not read the entire thread but just wanted to check you have a lock on your bedroom door and I’d be sure not to leave dirty laundry basket in bathroom etc plus keep all post and personal ID stuff in your bedroom locked just in case

I think it’s good he’s reigned it in but even so it must feel very difficult knowing it might flare up again but I’d listen to some of the other advice and have someone with you when you ask him to leave obviously he’ll need time to find somewhere else but be strict re The time frame there’s always premier inn while he looks xx good luck

YouDancin · 03/03/2019 09:39

@scrabbled how did you get on with the lodger on Friday? Did you tell him to go or are you giving him a chance?

Busybusybust · 03/03/2019 12:02

Any update on this? Has he gone?

Original poster
scrabbled · 03/03/2019 14:30

Well I thought we were doing ok, haven't seen or heard much from him.

Then yesterday morning he took all the door handles off the internal doors because he thought they were squeaky?

At 11am ish he said he was going to make a cake so I thought fine, but I didn't realise it's a sponge with 10 LAYERS!! He's cooking all the layers individually. No sign of leaving the kitchen any time soon SadI KNOW people say that I needed to lay out some ground rules but I would never have foreseen this!

OP posts:
oldowlgirl · 03/03/2019 14:33

You now need to give him notice - he sounds quite unhinged. I completely agree - not removing door handles should never need to appear in a list of house rules.

What have you said to him?

RandomMess · 03/03/2019 14:36

Urgh issue notice today!!!

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2019 14:36

Enough is enough, he’s got to go

SauvignonBlanche · 03/03/2019 14:37

That’s just batshit crazy!

Thehop · 03/03/2019 14:44

He’s mad. Give him notice!!

Mamia15 · 03/03/2019 14:49

And what did you tell him re the door handles...?

Mamia15 · 03/03/2019 14:51

How come he's still there, baking after taking off door handles?

Surely he would have been packing after you gave him his marching orders?

You must have doormat stamped on your forehead Hmm

AlwaysCheddar · 03/03/2019 14:51

This is still going on??!! I hope you have a deposit to fix door handles etc.

IceIceCoffee · 03/03/2019 14:51

o.p sorry to worry you but taking handles off would concern me for my safety. Why does it matter if they make a noise does he have plans to sneak around? Get him out.

Belenus · 03/03/2019 14:52

That's worryingly odd. Things like not taking door handles off are usually just covered by a generic "don't make alterations to fixtures and fittings" rule so you don't have to second guess these things.

Bluestitch · 03/03/2019 14:55

o.p sorry to worry you but taking handles off would concern me for my safety.

Yep, I'd be getting pretty concerned now too at this point, that's not normal behaviour at all.

TheInvestigator · 03/03/2019 14:56

Why didn't you give him notice? He is treating it like a house share. You need to put your foot down.

TheInvestigator · 03/03/2019 14:57

If you can't deal with him then you really shouldn't be taking in lodgers.

FannyFifer · 03/03/2019 14:58

Did you tell him to put all the door handles back on immediately?

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