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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
Missmother · 28/02/2019 01:40

My mistake it was alarms.

RockinHippy · 28/02/2019 01:42

👍🏼😊

Monty27 · 28/02/2019 01:49

That's great news he was probably just settling in. But I would ask him why the alarm and demand straight talking. Hope it works out well.

pollyglot · 28/02/2019 03:18

www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12201864
This has just happened here Down Under.

maddannafizz · 28/02/2019 03:36

You need to get some support..and not do it alone. Some women are beung really unpleasant to you and others helpful. Just read the helpful.ones. I sent and every tenant I've had has been selfish. Yet I rent a beaitiful room and it's a fun house . I'm expected to clean their scum off the bath, clean up as if I'm the cleaner..
You must ask him to leave with someone there. By law u have to give notice though which no one is mentioning..

Missmother · 28/02/2019 04:03

I actually didn’t know that there was legal differences in being a lodger compared to a flatmateConfused

Jenny70 · 28/02/2019 04:53

He's obviously a mumsnetter!

Sheffmum1 · 28/02/2019 05:50

Has he signed a contract?
give him two months notice (the legal minimum) either way. Hopefully he will move sooner. You have plenty of reasons to quote hiim for eviction - But seek legal advice and see if you can change the locks. He sounds delightful! 😫

YequeTuZainti · 28/02/2019 06:38

@Sheffmum1 that legal minimum applies to standard assured shorthold tenancies not lodgers. This is the OP's own home which gives her way more rights than buy-to-let type landlords. One week's notice is fine.

@scrabbled it's good to know he's behaving now but tbh I still think you should give him notice. Obviously something has made him get his act together and stop being awful for now. However, personalities don't just suddenly change. He's still the same person who did all that stuff. He is putting in extra effort just now. The mask will slip sooner or later. Best to get him gone while he's still wearing it.

MyOtherProfile · 28/02/2019 07:04

I would be very wary of this sudden change. Hope it lasts.

icelollycraving · 28/02/2019 07:11

His mum/gf/colleague is on mn. I’d still be wary tbh.

twofingerstoEverything · 28/02/2019 07:52

give him two months notice (the legal minimum) either way.
This is a LODGER. There is no 'legal minimum'. Jesus. You are expected to give 'reasonable notice', which is very open to enterpretation.

I've had lodgers for about 15 years. Mostly they stay for a very long time, but I gave one of them 3 hours' notice after she'd been with me for 4 days, because her behaviour was thoroughly unreasonable.

NotANotMan · 28/02/2019 08:10

@sheffmum1 lodgers are completely different to tenants. There is no legal minimum to ask a lodger to leave.

TatianaLarina · 28/02/2019 09:37

Of course he’s not read MN. He knew he was taking the piss and has dialled back to avoid eviction.

He will continue to cause hassle though.

DarlingNikita · 28/02/2019 09:43

I hope he's come to his senses, OP. I'd still be on alert though, and wouldn't hesitate to give notice if he takes the piss again.

RockinHippy, TBF, a few people have mentioned cameras.

ralfeesmum · 28/02/2019 10:43

I take it you are a woman living alone - so you have a problem with a right Mister Creepy!

He needs to go for sure. Locks you out of your own house?

There's something sinister going on. Out!Out!Out!

Or ask C.A.B. about how you stand - pronto.

He's either a bully, a weirdo, a control freak or all three.

SomeDayPerhaps · 28/02/2019 13:24

"but I gave one of them 3 hours' notice after she'd been with me for 4 days, because her behaviour was thoroughly unreasonable"

I NEED to know details! 😀

Nikkik77 · 28/02/2019 13:41

Omg I feel sorry for you I know how u must be feeling, you need to sit him down and tell him this is how it is, this is your home you need to get the rules in place, other than that kick him out if he doesn't want to stick to the rules then that's his look out, and stand up for yourself and your home do not let this person make you feel guilty in your own home, good luck love x

twofingerstoEverything · 28/02/2019 14:24

someDay It's not very exciting Grin
She basically left the front door wide open EVERY TIME she went out. The tipping point for me was coming downstairs in the morning and seeing my front door had been wide open (not unlocked, not ajar, but WIDE OPEN!) for the whole night. We live on a fairly busy street and the distance from pavement to front door is approx. 3 feet. I asked her once, I asked her twice, I told her it was a deal-breaker, she did it again...
She was 42 years old FGS!

AutumnCrow · 28/02/2019 15:23

twofingers that's insane. Did she have kind of reason / excuse for it?

Reminds me of a former flatmate of mine ...

HolesinTheSoles · 28/02/2019 15:28

@twofingerstoEverything

That's just bizare I'd almost thing there was something a bit wrong with her - that's not just lazy or selfish behaviour (presumably she doesn't want her stuff stolen either!). Either way YANBU to get her out.

TakeNoSHt · 28/02/2019 15:28

If he’s that much into protien supplements he’s may be taking steroids too. Get him out and get help if needed. Take the doirbells down and make sure you have a key to the back door so you have another way in incase he locks your out again

lahoob · 28/02/2019 15:31

Tell him you need to sit down with him and discuss the arrangement.
Tell him the house rules. Tell him why it worked out so well with your previous lodger and you just need to be clear about what you know you can live with and what you cannot and you both need to be clear about the house rules by negotiation. This will cause a better atmosphere and you'll feel relieved... Or he will react and the atmosphere will change for the worse...Then you'll know it definitely isn't going to work out.
If this sounds too confrontational or you've already decided... 'Create your own crisis' and tell him there's been an unexpected turn of events and you're going to need the room back, a family member needs your help so you have to give him notice... Goodluck

NigellaAwesome · 28/02/2019 20:56

The installation of the doorbells (presumably camera ones) make me think the following:

  1. He wants notice before you come into the house because he is doing something illicit. Either drugs, wanking or going through your stuff.
  1. He needs notice because not very nice people might come to find him.
  1. He's using your house for drug deliveries or identity theft. Needs to be alerted as soon as post has been delivered.
  1. He is paranoid.
  1. He has anxiety issues about personal security.

Even though he has dialled it back, I'd be very wary.

Are you going to acknowledge and thank him for sorting the things out? I think you should.

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 01/03/2019 07:56

WERe an ground rules laid down before moving in ie this is your shelf this is the rule re main areas etc sounds like a problematic person who’ll only be two worse tell him the rules and if he doesn’t abide by them tell him to move out- job done

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