Was I a complete bitch?

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In our department (15 colleagues) there is always a collection for birthday presents. All but 3 of us are around 30, I and 2 others are 50 ish.
It was colleague A's birthday last week and I knew it was her 50th and mentioned it was a round birthday to another colleague who has worked there for much longer and knows colleague A better. I have been there since November.
We collected 50 pounds for a restaurant voucher but never actually made a big thing of it being colleague A's 50th birthday.
She is very upset with me for letting slip that she is 50 as she feels the younger colleagues now treat her differently.
I had no idea she was so sensitive about it and have no problems myself with my age but have learned that others do.
I feel awful for offending her but the other colleagues could have also mentioned that it was not wise to draw any attention to the fact that it was a 50th birthday.
I have apologised profusely but she says she can't forgive me but will get over it.
Was I a complete bitch to let slip that it was her 50th or is it a bit of an over-reaction on her part?

You are in a company where majority is in their 30s. Must be difficult for her to fit in. And people are very prejudiced about age. I have not issues about my age but I work in a similar company and I don't like broadcasting my age because I had people act chocked in the past after learning my age. As if it was a disease. I look young and young people sometimes are so prejudiced that they can't imagine someone in their 50s being incredibly old.

*as not being incredibly old

*Shocked

Yes, you do, there are plenty who don’t.

I was at a committee meeting once and we were all trying to arrange a date for the next meeting. A date was suggested and one lady said ‘I can’t make that, it’s my 50th’. Another member (male) said in all seriousness and innocence ‘Anniversary?’ She replied, ‘No, my birthday...’ Ouch! Poor woman. On the flip side I helped organise a 90th Birthday gathering for a very sprightly lady. She was coy about revealing her age so the invites just referred to a ‘Special Birthday’. She ended up receiving several 80th cards and was disappointed not to be getting credit for being so amazing at 90! You can’t win!

Omg your colleague needs to get over herself. I work in an office where there are 10 of us, aged between 31 and 60. We all know each other’s ages and have collections for birthdays including a nice meal out and a few drinks that we pay for ourselves.
I think your work colleague is being over- sensitive and needs to get a grip. I’m 54 but it’s pointless having hang ups about it!

Bunny But she-did say it’s a milestone birthday. So, there aren’t that many between 30 (she obviously didn’t look like she was turning 30!) and 60 (hopefully doesn’t look 60), so that leaves 40 or 50. OP took a stab.

My husband and I are mature in age and have been together for 7 years. We each have three grown up children and grandchildren. My husband has an ex wife who, for 5 years came to everything we had arranged including our wedding, although he knows I don’t like it because she remanises and is inappropriate in her manor. I have accepted that she is there for family birthdays. 18 months ago I refused to have her at our home for his birthday and his family kicked off which caused me to be in hospital with arterial fibrillation, and both families fell out, which my husband blames me for as I didn’t want her. Next year it is his 70th and he has asked if she could come, I have said no but I know this will not be the end of it. Comment please.

@lillibee4 why is she coming to everything if they are not together anymore? When children are little it’s understandable and of course mutual children’s/grandchildren’s events BUT for his birthday its weird. Ironically he can’t have his cake and eat it.

Lillibee4 you should start a separate thread. No views on it really, but you did know of her existence when you married him so ... I dunno, just ignore her and talk to other people? Life's too short.

Shimy well that's what I don't get. Nowt wrong with keeping her birthday on the downlow but she was daft to mention it at all and then get miffed when ppl ran with it.

@lillibee4 Do you and your husband go to his ex’s birthdays? And events?

No although before we were together he did, they were separated for 11 years when we met. I’m not jealous at all or threatened. I think 9 times a year in her company with family birthdays is enough for me

I was once grumbling about my age when a younger colleague pulled me up on it. She pointed out that getting old meant you’d had a good life; we could all die tomorrow in a tragic accident so there was no guarantee the younger folk would have a better time of it. As they say, getting old is better than the alternative

She's being oversensitive beyond belief. If she was that bothered by it then I imagine she would hand back the voucher...I dare say that hasn't happened.

You organised a nice thing for her birthday, she has the problem.

Is she actually 50 as she is acting like a petulant teenager? Wouldn't give it another thought or any other 0 or 5 birthday.

You definitely weren't being a bitch.
I think that people lying about their age is pretty pathetic - I own my 52 years!
I used to work with a woman (who looked every year of her real age, plus a few years) who lied about her age all the time, pretending to be a decade younger. People just looked confused.
We need to stop all this fake age bollocks and then, perhaps, people will stop being hung up about how old they are.

She needs to get a grip. YANBU

How were you to know she has issues. She must've told someone at some point. Why would she care if young colleagues thought she was older. 50 is not old. If she looks 50, they would realise her approximate age. If she looks younger, they will probably compliment her on how young she looks. She is being extremely melodramatic saying that she cannot forgive you 🙄. I am afraid it sounds as if she is unhinged.

I understand her upset. Age can be a very emotive thing and it should always, in my view, be treated with caution. It’s such a personal thing. Some people don’t mind but others do. I realise you were well intentioned and so will she, in time, not doubt.

I never disclose my age to others, apart from family and close friends obviously. I ignore attempts at work from people trying to guess my age. I get fed up of people focusing so much on numbers and ages. Does it really matter if you choose not to share your age with people?

She’s an idiot . Some people never reach 50 , she should be thankful she did .
You were being kind . Ignore her .

I realise you were well intentioned and so will she, in time, not doubt.

Well she’s got £50 to soften the wound.🤷🏻‍♀️

No, you weren't a bitch. I do see the other side, as I absolutely HATE to be reminded of my birthday at all, and certainly not to have other people make a 'thing' of my age. But I make it clear to others that I'm a birthday-phobic, rather than exploding AFTER it happens - which is unreasonable. Perhaps in a workplace it would be best not to mention someone's age unless they make it clear that it's OK, as some people will be worried about being pressed into early retirement, etc.

I think you were being nice by flagging up to other colleagues to give her a bit more as her 50th. I am over 50 and it is really no big deal. Getting older happens to everyone but providing you have your health it is all good.

I don't think there's a 'should' about what one's attitude should be. It's an individual thing and should be treated as such. Some people like being older; with some, it will feed into a fear of illness and death, or they may fear discrimination at work, or may just feel that their age is a private matter. I don't think that people should expect others to read their minds, so I do think that this person was unfair to the OP; but if one knows that someone is upset at getting older, one should respect it, and not demand that they be 'thankful' for reaching that age. It might well be someone who was in real danger through health problems of not reaching that age, and is still worried about their future health.