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Original poster

Was I a complete bitch?

196 replies

Needsupporttoday · 26/02/2019 10:17

In our department (15 colleagues) there is always a collection for birthday presents. All but 3 of us are around 30, I and 2 others are 50 ish.
It was colleague A's birthday last week and I knew it was her 50th and mentioned it was a round birthday to another colleague who has worked there for much longer and knows colleague A better. I have been there since November.
We collected 50 pounds for a restaurant voucher but never actually made a big thing of it being colleague A's 50th birthday.
She is very upset with me for letting slip that she is 50 as she feels the younger colleagues now treat her differently.
I had no idea she was so sensitive about it and have no problems myself with my age but have learned that others do.
I feel awful for offending her but the other colleagues could have also mentioned that it was not wise to draw any attention to the fact that it was a 50th birthday.
I have apologised profusely but she says she can't forgive me but will get over it.
Was I a complete bitch to let slip that it was her 50th or is it a bit of an over-reaction on her part?

OP posts:
averystrangeweek · 26/02/2019 14:30

It was a 50/50 shot wasn't it? You weren't to know. If you hadn't mentioned that it was a milestone birthday, she could have been just as pissed off about that instead.

RedBerryTea · 26/02/2019 14:39

When I turned 50 I made sure EVERYBODY knew about it. My father died young so reaching 50 felt fantastic!

SenecaFalls · 26/02/2019 14:41

I don't get all this angst about women and their age.

Because a lot of us who are "of a certain age" had to fight years of sexism when we first started our careers, and then about the time we got really good at what we do, we hit the nasty wall of ageism.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/02/2019 14:43

Very odd behaviour on her part

littlemeitslyn · 26/02/2019 15:15

Rescue that made me 😂😂😂😂!

littlemeitslyn · 26/02/2019 15:16

And I've just had my 70th !!

Alsohuman · 26/02/2019 15:17

Absobloodylutely. @Senecafalls. So easy for women in their 20s and 30s to say “What’s the problem?”. I hope they don’t have to find out in 20 or 30 years’ time.

RiverTam · 26/02/2019 15:19

quite a few of us are of an age with this woman, Also...

Alsohuman · 26/02/2019 15:20

And your point is? If you’ve never experienced ageism, you’re blind ode lucky.

Alsohuman · 26/02/2019 15:21

Bloody lucky even!

RiverTam · 26/02/2019 15:25

yes, I understand that, but your post said it was easy for younger women and I'm just saying - oh, never mind.

Jengnr · 26/02/2019 15:28

Presumably she thinks acting like a toddler will make her seem younger.

Tell her to spend her vouchers on grips, because she fucking needs one.

Steamedbadger · 26/02/2019 15:32

Some of these comments are getting a bit harsh towards this woman who isn't even here to argue. As I've already said, I absolutely don't think the OP is a bitch, she sounds lovely, but it's a good idea not to assume that older people want their age made public. Ageism in the workplace certainly does exist and some people prefer to keep their age private, others don't and that's fine too.

Redglitter · 26/02/2019 15:39

The whole thing about younger colleagues treating her differently is ridiculous. Does she think they'll be shocked by discovering shes 50?? They probably had a pretty good idea she was around that age

Her reaction is very OTT. You did a nice thing

ALannisterInDebt · 26/02/2019 15:45

She's being ridiculous, you've done nothing wrong...are you sure she's 50? She sounds about 12 Grin

YouokHun · 26/02/2019 15:59

She is 50 and should be bloody celebrating rather than buying into the crap that there’s something wrong with older women

Exactly, she’s being ridiculous and needs to grow up to match her advanced years (and I can say that as I’m well passed 50). I’ve been working in an environment where the average age is about 30 and my boss is a couple of years younger than me. I make no secret of my age and good job because I look my age! I am certainly not apologetic for it and like many people my age I think I bring a lot to the workplace in terms of experience, calmness, hard working attitude and I can even laugh when I am given a walking stick as a birthday gift (bless my colleagues). She’s being silly and you didn’t do anything wrong.

NoCauseRebel · 26/02/2019 16:08

Nope, I’m almost there and most of this ageism stuff is just crap. Besides which does she really think that her colleagues are treating her differently now that she’s 50? Maybe she lied to them about her age before and they’re now seeing her for what she is, an immature idiot.

Obviously she has an issue with her age but its her not you. She needs to grow up and start acting her age rather than like a spoiled child.

UrsulaPandress · 26/02/2019 18:01

You haven’t answered how you knew she was 50 but others didn’t.

FlagranceDirect · 26/02/2019 23:11

You haven’t answered how you knew she was 50 but others didn’t

I've asked twice already. I don't think we'll ever find out.

LouJJersey · 27/02/2019 17:49

I think it was a lovely gesture . We always make a nice thing of someone’s birthday where I work.

Jojoanna · 27/02/2019 17:56

You should not assume she wanted a fuss

Fishwifecalling · 27/02/2019 18:07

It's her problem - not yours. Ignore

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 27/02/2019 18:13

You mentioned it was a round birthday, everyone else concluded (correctly) it was her 50th. If she continues to be pissy with you, suggest that she’s lucky they didn’t assume she was 60, because she sure as hell wouldn’t pass for 40. She’ll then have something not to forgive you about. Silly woman.

Jojoanna · 27/02/2019 18:15

Why is she lucky that didn’t assume she was 60 ? Why does she have to be happy about a present she didn’t ask for ?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 27/02/2019 18:21

Why is she lucky that [they] didn’t assume she was 60 ?

Because she seems hung up about people knowing her age, which suggests she wants people to think she’s younger than she is. And I find that a bit pathetic.

Why does she have to be happy about a present she didn’t ask for?

She doesn’t, but she could appreciate the effort her colleague made with the best of intentions and get over herself.

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