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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a baby in hospital is an exception to the rules

265 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/02/2019 15:34

Thursday night my DD 18months had a seizure, no idea what was happening at the time. It was horrific, fortunately she is ok now (being referred for tests), but we were kept in hospital overnight and much of Friday whilst they ran tests.
Work have informed me I need take this as annual leave. Would your work follow the same line?

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/02/2019 00:23

Sorry, that sounded bitchy, but yes from my very limited understanding force majeure may be applicable in my jurisdiction

PigletJohn · 26/02/2019 00:35

It's hard to tell if the manager is an arse or if the people running the company want it to be horrible.

I joined a well-known utility company shortly after my mother had a disabling stroke, and mentioned I would need occasional time off to consult with the care team and make arrangements for her homecoming. A month or so later I told my manager I'd need a few days leave to set her up at home and was astounded when he said I didn't have a leave allowance yet, as a new starter I would only be entitled at the start of the next leave year; I couldn't even "borrow" from next year's allowance. I said "I'm taking it anyway" and did.

As it happened they didn't sack me but it wouldn't have affected my attitude if they had.

I have no doubt at all that there was a "compassionate" or "special" leave process. They probably just liked the idea of noses and grindstones.

WowWowWomen · 26/02/2019 00:56

Take it as sick leave if you need longer, never known a GP not back up a parent on this.

enidalton · 26/02/2019 02:37

I think while it would be nice to work for a company that could afford to give paid leave, it's not a case of the company being a bad mean company if they don't. All companies are businesses and REGARDLESS of the circumstances, when you're not there working SOMEBODY has to pay for that. The loses incur the same negative value whether somebody loses a child or they have a stuffy nose and want to stay home. With a DH as director of a company these are sometimes the tough decisions that fall on him, but I can assure you its never because there's no compassion.

Nothinglefttochoose · 26/02/2019 05:31

Absolutely not! It is sick leave at minimum. But they should be supporting you at full pay in my opinion

Darkestnight · 26/02/2019 06:10

Yes my manager even put it down as annual leave when dd was ill

CluedoAddict · 26/02/2019 06:28

All those saying it should go down as sick leave. The OP was not sick it was their child.

SubparOwl · 26/02/2019 06:31

I'd get the option of unpaid leave or annual leave. I work for the NHS.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/02/2019 06:34

midgwit Yes in her sleep, she went to bed at 7, seizure happened just after 8. What happened following your sons?

OP posts:
JollyAndBright · 26/02/2019 08:15

At my company its a similar policy.
dependant leave and companionate leave are different,
You are allowed X days of paid dependant leave per year and then it’s all unpaid,
Compassionate leave is always paid but it has to be signed off.

Dependant leave is typically for when the DC’s are off school ill and you don’t have any other childcare, or you need to go and collect them early for an appointment, etc.

Compassionate leave is typically when it involves serious illness or a death in the family.

WoahThereMama · 26/02/2019 08:18

At my work it would be unpaid emergency leave or paid annual leave dependant on what I wanted. My private sector company wouldn’t quibble the time off but I wouldn’t get paid for it unless it came from my AL allowance.

midgwit · 26/02/2019 10:08

OP His happened about 15 mins after he had fallen asleep. No temperature or any indication beforehand that it would happen. We were away at the time so had to go to the local hospital, they wanted to do a brain scan but as we were coming home the next day said the results wouldn't be there in time (small hospital) so to have one done at home.
He's being investigated for Benign Rolandic Epilepsy, he has an EEG booked for next week. The description of the full body seizures it can cause matched what happened to him exactly. Have a read up on it, it usually starts from age 3-8 I think but can affect younger children. The seizures happen when the child is sleeping or just waking up and the main trigger is lack of sleep.
One plus side is that seizures are usually infrequent, and the majority of children outgrow it by the time they hit puberty. Hopefully your daughter's was a one off though!

VanGoghsDog · 26/02/2019 11:32

@VanGoghsDog in Roi there is.

But you asked if there was in the UK, and I answered no there is not. Obviously it might exist elsewhere but I was answering what you asked.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 26/02/2019 12:03

I would presume that seriously ill would mean potentially being close to death's door, e.g. heart attack or your child needing life saving surgery/put into a coma etc. Not that what happened wasn't serious to you or indeed might have serious implications going forward, but I wouldn't read your policy as 'serious illness' covering an overnight stay for tests and then outpatient clinic for further investigations.

The best thing to do is ask HR for further advice on what they mean by serious and take it from there. Or choose between paid annual leave or unpaid time off. If it's one day, I've taken annual leave in similar circumstances (DS being admitted overnight with bronchiolitis). I took compassionate leave when my mum had an accident (not life threatening but life changing) in order to see her.

WowWowWomen · 26/02/2019 15:25

Epilepsy is extremely serious and difficult to manage initially when the details and diagnosis are not yet clear.

Hopefully it turns out to be a passing phase or one off but no one would be surprised at a parent not wanting to be away from their child (now at risk of further seizure/crisis) until they know what's what.

Ghanagirl · 26/02/2019 15:33

You’d probably get compassionate leave in the public sector.
Not in the NHS

gamerwidow · 26/02/2019 16:18

Seriously ill is hard to quantify because all emergency hospital visits are going to be serious to you when it’s your child. I would read it as imminent danger of death or permanent disability. E.g. my neice is admitted to hospital as an emergency for her asthma several times a year. The only time it was really ‘serious’ was when they couldn’t stabilise her with nebulisers and were considering inducing a coma. The other times were horrible, stressful and exhausting for her and her mum but not ‘serious’.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 26/02/2019 16:18

You’d probably get compassionate leave in the public sector.

DH and I are both public sector... we wouldn’t get compassionate leave for this. Compassionate leave is for bereavement, specifically for the death of an “immediate family member” for DH this means parent, spouse, child or sibling; my manager has been known to include grandparents.

Yura · 26/02/2019 16:43

My work - private sector - would consider younger child in hospital to be serious and would offer time off, work from home etc, depending on the situation and length of time

CountFosco · 26/02/2019 17:25

CI insurance will pay out if the policyholder is diagnosed with, as it says on the tin, a critical illness. Nothing to do with insuring a parent for time off with sick kids.

You can get critical illness cover for children, I get it via work. The payout is less than if I (or DH who is also covered) is ill but it is a lump sum paid out for a child's critical illness (precisely because a parent would need extended time off work to care for them in hospital). I also, as stated above, get a payout on my private health insurance if one of the DC has to spend a night in hospital, it doesn't cover the full loss in salary if DH or I had to take unpaid leave but it help with short visits. Both those are fairly standard insurance policies.

You are right that there's no insurance policy for little Oliver getting a cold and wanting a day off school because the cost would have to be as high as the cost of a day of unpaid leave because the likelihood of it happening is 100% each year. So no-one would actually pay for that.

SardineJam · 26/02/2019 17:26

We get emergency carers leave (3 days a year)

Seniorcitizen1 · 26/02/2019 17:34

If this happened to one iof my staff they would not have to take it as holiday. They would be able to take however much time they needed. Apart from PCs staff are my company’s only assets - I look after my staff and they work hard for me

pembs · 26/02/2019 17:34

My daughter broke her arm last year. I was actually off on al the day she did it but took "special leave" the following day for the op and a week later for a full hospital check. I do work for a local authority though so maybe more compliant??

Nearly47 · 26/02/2019 17:35

I think you are entitled to 18 weeks unpaid parental leave until they turn 18. I work for a small company and as long as I don't abuse they always gave paid leave. Your employer is being mean. I usually try to make the time once they are better. Kids get sick all the time.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 26/02/2019 17:37

Dh works for a multinational & it would be classed as emergency leave (fully paid) if it went on over 10 consecutive days he'd be asked if he'd like to use a/l or buy extra a/l (to be deducted from his company benefits not his actual salary). They were brilliant last year when my Dad died, he could have had up to 20 days off to support me at full pay (as it was he had about 5 or 6 in total, a couple of days immediately after, the funeral & the days following to help me clear the house) they rearranged his rota as well so he only had to go away for one night & he was working close to home where he should have been away for 14 days. They are a very family focussed company though.

At my old company (I stay at home now) I would have been allowed up to 5 days at full pay, 5 at half pay, then expected to use a/l or take it as unpaid. I know that wasn't set in stone though & they did pay at full & half for longer in exceptional circumstances.