To think that Sunday roasts with 3 kids are hell

[lostinthoughts]

Feeling like a failure....

My 3 DC are ages 5, 3 and 1 and will sit at a table during a family roast dinner with my parents for approximately 10 minutes and eat next to nothing before asking to get down from the table to go and play.

I wish they would sit for longer and have a chat/do their usual funny stuff as my parents would love that but instead the scarper.

I can literally feel my DM's disdain and know what she is thinking that I have ferral kids

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Or if I am, then tell me your secrets

I couldn’t disagree more bud.

I’ve known some dc (older dc, like 7/8) who don’t recognise a peach or plum, never mind be given the opportunity (by parents) to choose crab or samosas from a food market.

A ‘broad pallete’ doesn’t just happen by chance in most cases. Nor (in my probably unpopular opinion) does the opposite.

If you think a dcs ‘tastebuds’ (ie what they will eat or refuse and general eating habits) are not massively influenced by their parents, you’re crazy.

Building the problem with personal experience is that it's usually not a very broad sample size. Just because something is true with your kids, doesn't mean it is with everyone's!

My 2 year old DD wouldn't recognise a chicken nugget either. We are "foodies" and basically only eat home-made from scratch food. We're not English so staples are rice, beans, spices, and lots of vegetables.

From weaning, we also have been giving her pasta and rice dishes, every veg or fruit available, soups, curries, casseroles, loads of vegetables, asparagus, lentils...and lots of other random ‘adult’ food"... But guess what? She just refuses most of it. She's flipping fussy! It's not like we give up and give her processed crap instead, we've never done that. We also repeatedly attempt foods. We don't just give up after 1 or even 5 tries. But a lot of foods, she just doesn't eat! There are some things she likes, but many many more things that she does not! Including most of the more "adult" dishes that we repeatedly put in front of her! If your child just says no and clamps their mouth shut, there's not much you can do. You can't force it into their mouth!

In summary, I do actually partly agree with you that they learn what to like based on what they're given, but I also think fussiness or the lack of it are genetic to some extent. If your DC happily took to all those foods then it's not PURELY your top-notch parenting skills. You've also been very lucky!

What's so wrong with a chicken nugget? If I call it schnitzel does that make it OK? It's chicken in bread crumbs. Unless you're talking about the highly processed crap from McDonald's honestly I have no idea what the problem with it is. Why is a load of roasted meat and starchy carbs any different healthwise?

I use a maximum of two pans at dinner time - so no roast dinners chez-nous. Leftovers are recycled.

We also do not eat out as a family either - paying for something to be hard work and also not eaten? Where's the gain? I'd rather eat at home, saves money, time and effort!

Nowt wrong with nuggets, Brooks

Fuck me there's some sanctimonious bollocks on this thread

From weaning, we also have been giving her pasta and rice dishes, every veg or fruit available, soups, curries, casseroles, loads of vegetables, asparagus, lentils...and lots of other random ‘adult’ food"... But guess what? She just refuses most of it. She's flipping fussy! It's not like we give up and give her processed crap instead, we've never done that. We also repeatedly attempt foods. We don't just give up after 1 or even 5 tries. But a lot of foods, she just doesn't eat! There are some things she likes, but many many more things that she does not! Including most of the more "adult" dishes that we repeatedly put in front of her! If your child just says no and clamps their mouth shut, there's not much you can do. You can't force it into their mouth!

This is basically my experience. We have a very varied diet yet ds is so fussy. He eats what (and when) he wants to eat and no amount of coaxing and bribery (he doesn't actually like puddings) will change that.

I used to be very much if the opinion that parents created fussy eaters... I honestly don't know what more we could do to give him a more varied diet than he already has.

Some people seem to think that the children who eat chicken nuggets, only eat processed food?! I make lasagne, fish pie, chicken and mushroom pie, chicken curry, vegetarian chilli con carnie, beef stew, pasta and roast dinners from scratch. We rarely get take out (6 times a year for birthdays). Once a week we have pizza and chicken nuggets, seriously you'd think I said crack cocaine!

I remember dd shoo-shooing one of her school-mates when they were about 6. It was some government programme to get kids eating healthily at school. Her nemesis refused to eat grapes and started to cry. (The little runt had bullied her the previous year so I was delighted to hear of this. Yes, I'm that fucking base).

I can only presume that he had never seen a grape in his life.

Oh gosh, they're still babies!

I certainly wouldn't expect a 1 year old or a 3 year old to sit for more than about 15 minutes to eat, and then leave. I mean, what sort of sparkling conversation and wit is your mother expecting from them?!

The 5 year old I'd be expecting to stay longer, certainly until at least everyone at the table has finished their main course. Then they can go and play for a bit. Then I'd expect the 5 year old to come back for pudding. The 3 and 1 year old, probably not.

Could your 5 year old be encouraged to participate in other ways, to increase their engagement? Perhaps they could help with the cooking, or lay the table? Perhaps they could put on a little performance between courses? Most 5 year olds I know (I'm a teacher), would happily sing a song, or tell some really random jokes to a friendly and receptive audience! Big-up that they're sitting at the table "with the grown ups" while the "babies" are playing.

If they really must get down from the table, could the rule be that they must at least stay in the room? Have a few quiet toys, and some books. They can get down, but they can't run around like mad things. Post-meal is quiet play time.

You can wean as adventurously as you like, but there is evidence to suggest that around 2 children become very selective and conservative about food.

I think it is based on instincts from our hunter gatherer days, when toddlers who refrained from eating every leaf, mushroom and berry they came across lasted longer than those who did not stick to the familiar, proven non-poisonous ones.

My Ds always refused grapes. And not because he hadn’t seen one. He would not eat grapes, apple , peach, but devoured strawberries, kiwi and pineapple.

No carrot sticks, definitely no cucumber or red pepper, but okra, spinach, green beans, no problem.

My dc have always managed Sunday roasts fine. I struggle with them with a lot of things as 2 are autistic, one is a wheelchair user and another was a nightmare for running off and trying to climb things as a toddler v t for some reason Sunday roasts are fine, maybe because they all like eating .

I don’t think it has much to do with how you weaned really unless you exclusively give only beige food or very limited choices (as an example)

My eldest is fussy as hell. He loves pasta but won’t eat any type of potato unless it’s chips, which obviously I won’t give him everyday.

The younger two were weaned in exactly the same way. They’ll eat anything. They cant be conditioned to like things. I don’t like a lot of things still. It’s great if you do give a varied diet but it may still have no outcome on the child’s taste buds.

All of mine eat a roast though. The eldest just has veg and meat with extra Yorkshire’s.

BuildingBackUp, so please, pray tell, why my ds would eat pork casserole, moussaka, modules mariniere (every element, including the mussel meat) etc etc etc at 18mo, but now won't? My cooking habits haven't changed. Is there some sort of subconscious shit parenting that I'm doing?

Mine only eat chocolate, deep fried chips, and crisps. I let them run around and shout and scream and cause lots of lovely annoyance for sanctimummies. It's great fun :)

When you think about it, a roast isn't that weird. Surely most children eat meat, potatoes and vegetables? Mine certainly do but if I expected them to sit down and eat one of DH's very spicy curries I could understand them not wanting to.

I want my children to grow up eating proper food. They aren't given beige prepared food at home they are given fresh fruit, salads, vegetables, fish, chicken, some red meat, dairy, eggs and this is the sort of food they like.

Children learn what to eat from what they are given.

“Children learn what to eat from what they are given.”

Yes. But many many children, from a particular age, become very selective within what they are given.

It really is pretty effing patronising for parents of enthusiastic eaters and wide-range eaters to keep implying that parents of other children have brought it in themselves by feeding non stop
Nuggets and pizza.

@Hazlenutpie my youngest eats what he is given. i am a brilliant parent. oh, wait - my oldest only eats a selection of foods (thankfully healthy ones). its slowly getting better, but if he doesn’t want to eat, he doesn’t eat.

And HazelnutPie, that’s all very subjective.
As it happens one of my Dc has loved curry (and pretty spicy curry too) since a very early age but will not eat most boiled veg, any salad or most fruits.

You have your view of normal food and weird food and judge by that standard. But it is all very subjective. It doesn’t all work your way.

Oh I gave up with all this nonsense for s couple of years. Ds did not want to sit down for a long roast dinner at ages 2 or 3. I got fed up of my mum trying to cajole and bribe him . I could have tried to make him sit there but occasionally I wanted to enjoy a nice meal and chat with my family instead of dealing with a stroppy and miserable child. I'd give him his lunch first, something he actually liked then let him play while the adults were eating. He's 5 now and sits with us nicely at family meals and eats what we eat, he's very well behaved and asks nicely to leave the table. I'm so glad i didn't stress about it , it's for such a short time, they soon grow up