To think that Sunday roasts with 3 kids are hell

[lostinthoughts]

Feeling like a failure....

My 3 DC are ages 5, 3 and 1 and will sit at a table during a family roast dinner with my parents for approximately 10 minutes and eat next to nothing before asking to get down from the table to go and play.

I wish they would sit for longer and have a chat/do their usual funny stuff as my parents would love that but instead the scarper.

I can literally feel my DM's disdain and know what she is thinking that I have ferral kids

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Or if I am, then tell me your secrets

There is pretty much nothing in a roast that I find appealing (food wise). I simply do not like that sort of food. My mum will often cook one (I will have something different that can be microwaved) but oh the smell of it cooking! It makes the whole house feel so stuffy and heavy and makes me sleepy. By the time it is cooked I actually will have lost my will to want to eat anything and just want to rush out into fresh air.
That probably sounds completely daft to most of you but seriously it does.

Life is tough when dc are that age, especially with 3 in such close ages. All ideas of how situations and behaviour will be go out of the window and you often wonder how you even have time to blink.

Just keep plodding on with your expectations and routines and they will eventually get there. My dc are now in their teens and can sit and chat at mealtimes, something I didn’t ever think would happen when they were tiny. They often behaved better at home rather than away as there were too many distractions around but we kept on and all is fine now.

Fuerza apologies for the lack of correct grammar. If I had been around in Downton days I probably would of left school at 12 and be working in the kitchens!

Tell them to sit back down at the table and don’t let them run off?? They’re kids and they won’t learn if you don’t teach them.
^^ This! No wonder children run around in restaurants....

Ah yes because we all know when you tell a child no they must stay at the table the sit there perfectly and whip out their spring watch chat ....... or you know they fidget and get bored and ask to leave the table 1200s times or start to annoy their siblings, or cry, or spill salt. And yes you tell them off and ask them to sit still and ask them questions and try and get them to join in but usually it just gets very awkward for everyone and raises everyone's stress levels and makes the whole thing miserable !

That gifted and talented comment, ouch. DS was on that but I had no idea until he had almost left primary school and think it’s bollocks anyway.

When it comes to dinner we always made and do still make meal times about having a laugh, chat about the day whatever so it’s a social time. I currently have MIL staying she can be a bit of a joyless lemon sucker about things. I tend to get through those moments by thinking how at least I can get away from her, she can never get away from herself. People like your Mum and my MIL just don’t enjoy life which is why she is like that. If it’s formal misery I would want to be getting down to play. I like good manners and long dinners but the environment has to be right.

Ah yes because we all know when you tell a child no they must stay at the table the sit there perfectly and whip out their spring watch chat ....... or you know they fidget and get bored and ask to leave the table 1200s times or start to annoy their siblings, or cry, or spill salt.
Strange how it works for so many parents, and how it used to work for practically all parents when I was a child. But I guess some people expect to teach their children how to behave and others leave them for someone else to sort out.

Why not give them a different dinner? Nuggets and beans or pizza? Just so that they stay and eat at the table.

FriarTuck

My DM was claiming once that we didn't act up when we were children because of her sterling discipline. I reminded her that she and I used to do grocery shopping together on Saturdays and leave my brother at home...because he threw a tantrum every time. Funny how people remember how great they were at parenting but forget the reality of it day-to-day looking back.

It doesn't matter why OPs DCs won't sit still, but the fact is that they aren't now. It will take time for them to get used to it but during that period, her DM needs to be understanding and not judgemental. Children don't learn skills overnight - whether or not you think they should have those skills already is irrelevant.

Parenting tip of the day: Why not give them nuggets?

Those who say they don't 'let' their DC get down until the end of the meal- how do you actually manage it?

DS is 2 1/2 and this is something we are really trying to work at at the moment. Telling him not to get down doesn't work. He just ignores us. He is not one to follow instructions generally unless we can really engage him in the reason why. Forcibly returning him to his chair doesn't work. He just ends up furious and screaming and it doesn't result in him sitting nicely at the table - not that I consider brute force to be a great way to install manners anyway. Small toys or colouring helps a little but doesn't always solve the problem. Introduce an activity too early and he gets distracted from eating and starts playing instead. Introduce it too late and he has already decided he wants to get down and won't be distracted from that. Bribery with dessert or a treat doesn't work. He is a good eater in that he is not fussy and sometimes will put away a huge amount of food but generally he is not that interested or motivated by food and would rather leave it than take it.

We are currently trying a sand timer with a star chart but he hasn't yet managed to sit for a full 10 minutes. We eat together as a family most evenings and always try to engage him in talking.

I would love to know what brilliant feat of parenting I am missing.

I honestly think that children should be eating a wide variety of foods, including meat, potatoes and vegetables. These are dietary staples. My kids love a roast dinner, especially the Yorkshire puds and roast potatoes. I do a variety of veg to suit everyone. The children are expected to eat a reasonable amount and to stay at the table until everyone has finished. Basic parenting.

At two, mine would come and sit on my knee. I would very much have preferred if she went to play.

I prefer a Sunday tea to a Sunday roast. If we have Sunday roast round here we have it late afternoon or early evening as we don’t like big heavy meals on the middle of the day. Also everyone can do what they want then eat and all be together.

Cherry, my 1 yr old has arms like an octopus. He’s my 4th and I don’t remember the others being so bad but Jesus, I cant get a bit in my mouth with him on my knee. He even grabs food on the way into my mouth.

I feed my 5 year old before we go to the in-laws becuase he is used to having lunch at 12/12.30 in school and not 1.30 so he is always starving and grumpy. I don’t even bother making him sit at the table but he will do it at home for all meals.

@Thistledew I did a lot of repeating of the rules before dinner and also made it boring for them to get down before we wanted them to. We turn all the lights off in the other rooms and close the doors. No toys out/no tv etc, I wouldn't read a book if they brought it to the table etc and made it more fun at the table lots of chatting and laughing, playing I spy with DH/older DC or child friendly music/radio in the kitchen. We often play a game at the table after dinner so would say don't forget whoever is still at the table can play.
Plenty of praise for sitting nicely and asking to leave the table.
Get them used to sitting at the table for other activities, drawing, play doh etc and then say you stay sitting while I just get a drink or piece of paper etc praise for how well they do it.
Mine had to have snacks and drinks at the table at 2. I think the more chances they have to learn how to do it the better.

@Kneehigim
So only bad parents give children nuggets?! Okay then!

FriarTuck thanks for that passive aggressive comment. There is someone else who will teach my kids to behave ?? Pecan I have their number please this sounds like a great service.

We do try to teach them how to behave at the table my point is it makes for a miserable joyless experience which is what most people are talking about. 3 kids = telling someone off or encouraging someone to eat pretty much every 2 minutes. And it's not exactly fun family time when one kid doesn't listen to nice requests to sit back down followed by threats of time out/no pudding etc and you need to follow through and take them away from the table or declare no ice cream and then everyone is left having slightly awkward conversation while child has a meltdown or huff and is then brought back to apologise to everyone. Yip just how i love to spend a subday evening.

People can discipline their kids but we are still allowed to find it stressful and unenjoyable !

My daughter is 4 and loves a roast! Meat, Yorkshire's, stuffing, veg & gravy. We have always sat down at the table to eat meals, and she wouldn't get up before we've all finished. I'm not smug, she can be an absolute pain, but I think some things come from routine and expectations. I have always loved to all sit down together for our meals. I'd say to persevere, they'll get there.

My kids sit at the table every night btw and 5 nights out of 7 they are pretty much well behaved and we have no problems but you can't predict when the 2 nights of carnage will be.

My love a Sunday at grandparents when cousins are there to and we all get ready for a round of who's kids will be the horror child this week and who will sit sweetly and be delightfully full of funny comments and smiles. Sometimes winner and loser can be in the same family!!

Absolutelylocaltoyou
I honestly think that children should be eating a wide variety of foods, including meat, potatoes and vegetables. These are dietary staples. My kids love a roast dinner, especially the Yorkshire puds and roast potatoes. I do a variety of veg to suit everyone. The children are expected to eat a reasonable amount and to stay at the table until everyone has finished. Basic parenting.

I think so too. Could you possibly tell my 3yo that? I'm at a loss as to how to get him to agree with me, short of tethering him by the arms and legs to his chair and forcing food down this throat, which I believed is frowned upon nowadays.

Don't be so bloody smug and patronising. It's fuck all to do with 'good parenting'. Good parenting doesn't affect a child's appetite or tastebuds.

Also agree with there being nothing more exciting to want to get down to. No tablet, telly, toys etc. We all eat together then once we're done we can all go and play. I think pre school helps too, they all sit for their meals, clear their plates, no one gets to go and play. What happens when they get to school if they don't behave (genuine question, my daughter isn't there yet).

Iam, in school the peer pressure and new environment makes most of the toe the line pretty quickly.

What happens when they get to school if they don't behave (genuine question, my daughter isn't there yet).

Do you mean at lunch ? My experience is they eat as much or as little as they want and no one monitors it. They also want them in and out as quick as possible as they have 3 sittings to get all the children fed in the lunch hour.

In terms of behaviour it's always amazing the things kids will do at school, sports clubs etc when an authority figure is in charge. It's amazing watching a teacher get 25 5 year olds sitting nicely (ish) although hard work. I go in and do parent help with arts and crafts and the teacher has so many techniques to keep their attention and she will stop talking every few minutes to get all their attention back.

Quality time between grandparents and GC is better spent playing with them, reading to them etc than cooking in tne kitchen and then sitting still eating.

IMO ‘Sunday lunch’ is a big fantasy with 3 aged 5 and under.

Mine never saw sitting still to eat and talk as an activity until they were about 7.

Some kids are more into food than others. For some it is simply an uninteresting pit stop. Mine could never be bribed with any foodstuffs.

They are all teenaged gourmets now, with extremely adventurous tastes and with great table manners whether using chopsticks or cutlery.

Encourage your Mum to make Lego castles with them, rather than roast spuds.