To think that Sunday roasts with 3 kids are hell

[lostinthoughts]

Feeling like a failure....

My 3 DC are ages 5, 3 and 1 and will sit at a table during a family roast dinner with my parents for approximately 10 minutes and eat next to nothing before asking to get down from the table to go and play.

I wish they would sit for longer and have a chat/do their usual funny stuff as my parents would love that but instead the scarper.

I can literally feel my DM's disdain and know what she is thinking that I have ferral kids

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Or if I am, then tell me your secrets

also we had our own mats.we even wanted to set the table so we could put them down!

when the kids we in a particuly shitty mood my gran would get a cookie cutter and cut a star out of a few of the potatos and it would be to "let sit and wait and see who will get the stars" sounds daft but it worked. just make sure you know where it is because not finding the flower cutted carrots because they were at the bottom of the pan was a tagedy!

Sorry I don't believe for a minute any of the "supermums" claiming that their under 5s always sat at the table happily because it was their expectation. Unless you don't actually have children but robots.

DD1 is 3, depending on her mood and the situation she can sit still and eat or she can whine and try to run off. It's not the same every day or even within the same day lunch vs dinner. DD2 is 1 and better at sitting still, that's just her personality though not because I'm such an amazing parent.

OP sounds to me your issue isn't DCs behaviour but with your DM and her view of your parenting. Is she actually making comments? Or are you just sensitive that she's judging you.

Me and my two sisters were very fussy eaters. My middle sister can’t stand the sound of others chewing and would sit with her face screwed up and her fingers in her ears. I remember my mom attempting to get us to eat a Sunday roast at my grandmas house and it was just torture for everyone involved. I dreaded and hated every second of it. The main topic of conversation was how fussy and spoiled we were. My mom would come home and cry because everyone would be so critical of us and her.

Now we’re older we aren’t fussy eaters anymore but the only meal we eat together is Christmas dinner. We all get on really well and spend loads of time together. We sit on sofas with cups of tea and chat, go for walks together sit in the garden together etc. But for some reason meals round a table are just always tense. I’m not sure of the point I’m making, I guess it’s just the whole “family meal” thing while a nice idea isn’t the be all and end all. In my experience adults being very strict about the whole ritual just meant we never wanted to do it and still don’t!

My 3yo is a fucking nightmare at mealtimes. He's just not motivated by food at all. I regularly whip out the iPad just to get him to sit still for 5 mins at the table. Unless I use physical force or restraints, I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to keep him at the table, let alone eat something. Thankfully, DM doesn't judge when we eat with her.

@Lszypuppy “1yo easy as they'll be in a highchair” LOL! both of mine would have just screamed at the top of their lungs.....
agree though, 5 year old should be ok, 3 year for a shortish time (15 minutes?)

They will get there eventually OP, my Grown up DC have loved sitting at the table for hours eating and chatting, since they were about errrrrrr 14? 😂

DS does He's nearly 3. I think its because we remind him a million time he has to be well behaved. The fancier the restaurant the better!

This doesn't work at all with church though...another place with a million 'be good!' reminders.

Yanbu we used to have ours after they went to bed. Including Christmas Dinner which we had as a sophisticated adult meal in the evening without them!

The 5 year old is old enough to be learning table manners. They are at school!

I’m still crying with laughter at witchend post about the revolting food comment 🤣🤣

My suggestions are :

Small plates
Put small portions of the bits they like
Sausages, Yorkshire pud,
Say they need to eat 2 thirds at least
Tell them how yummy it looks.

I guess it’s just the whole “family meal” thing while a nice idea isn’t the be all and end all. In my experience adults being very strict about the whole ritual just meant we never wanted to do it and still don’t!

Some of the worst childhood memories I have are of Family Meals. My Mum was a very angry person and being under her sustained focus for so long was terrifying. We avoided her in general. So many arguments between my parents too, not to mention the fear if we didn’t like what she’d made. I don’t force my children to stay at the table and never have. In fact we rarely have family meals all together unless we are eating out where they manage just fine manners wise. My ex H spoke of family meals in tones of dread too. His Dad would use that time to express his dissatisfaction in general with his wife and children; sawing and sniffing at meat pretending it was inedible, shouting at his kids for bad manners etc. Family meals - meh!

OP - don't you normally sit down for family meals (at home, not at MIL)?

bold fail for that first paragraph.

Sympathies op. I also had 3 very close in age. I found it harder away from home because sometimes people don’t realise that long dinners are a bit of a stretch for youngsters.

I found not sitting them together slightly easier. Ie you sit next to grandad, you sit next to me, you by grandma so they each have their own adult to help them and chat to and for help.

I would 100% not give a rat's arse what my mum thinks. Your kids are still so young and they are not show ponies. Discipline for the sake of discipline is such a waste of energy. Believe me your kids will learn to sit through a meal one day. Why the rush.

Oh OP - these sorts of dinners with young children are a nightmare if you have children that like kicking off at dinner. My friend is a 'you just have to set the expectation' type, but the truth is that her DC are extremely placid in the dinner context and actually she admits that she's never had a single dinner/highchair tantrum, which changes it all a bit!

Anyway, my DS's are 3 and 6 but nearly 4 and 7. We hardly ever sit together because life is so busy, most of the time in the week they sit with the ipad and watch something. I am one of 'those' parents. So - they have hardly any practise anyway. Over time it should get easier for us to all sit and eat together fingers crossed but at the moment with work schedules it just doesn't work.

Having had 2 children who kick off at mealtimes, I've decided that there is no point in establishing rules until 3.5 at which point we've got tougher about sitting for longer etc. The result is that now the oldest DC is fantastic, and the younger one is getting there. Anything before would have been a futile battle and just resulted in misery and indigestion and to be honest - we sit down together so infrequently that i didn't want to not enjoy the time with DH.

I suppose what I'm saying is - don't sweat it - although I would enforce some quite strict boundaries on the 5 year old. Presumably he eats nicely at school so should be able to at home.

Lots of snotty, judgement comments on here. And it seems the people judging don't have the same amount of children or the same age gaps.

Yes of course they sit at the table each night to eat their dinner. They don't eat off the floor! And yes, I'm aware it's just meat and veg. But for some reason, add in some other guests and a slightly more formal setting and it all goes to shit.

It doesn't make me slovenly or mean I have no rules or expectations, or mean that I only serve them pizza and chips normally. And to the person who only has 1 dd who is 1 - please get back to me if your family triples in size in a very short space of time and they all sit still at the table for an hour then

Lostinthought, I think we have all had the nightmare Roast dinner scenario with little children. There’s not much you can do, but just stick it out as best you can, because eventually you’ll be proud you did. 💐

I think it might just be having 3 stiring each other up and being on different schedules rather than their ages per se. For some reason a roast is the most likely meal that my 2 year old will be an angel for as long as the timing is ok. It took a while for my parents and in laws to get used to that fact that serving lunch at 1 when she was smaller wasn’t going to result in a great time for anyone. Late afternoon/early dinner after a nap was a far better time for us. Now she’s closer to 3 we can do a lunch out as long as we have a table for 12.

I feel your pain my three are the same. They like a roast at home (but that doeant mean they will sit nicely/eat without complaint) If we go to one of the grandparents and they cook the chicken differently or have different gravy all bets are off. In general I find meal times one of the most stressful times of the day it could always go either way !!

Also is everyone else so over doing pep talks !! Every time we go anywhere we do the pep talk in the car about behaviour etc and it really sucks the joy out of everything ! 🙄

The one year old is too young to sit for too long but could happily sit on a parents knee, perhaps.
The three and five year old are old enough to sit at the table without fussing. Maybe for the three year old get a small tub of table toys just for extended lunches. Tiny things reserved for such events. I think we had things like a pocket Thomas set and Polly Pockets.
Do they not have to wait and ask to leave the table?

You know back in Downton Abbey days no child would of been eating Sunday Dinner with the grown ups - oh the horror! They would be upstairs with nanny eating in the nursery. From the age of about 12 or 13 they would be allowed to start eating with the adults - after having extensive lessons from nanny of how to behave.
(lighthearted)

Tell them to sit back down at the table and don’t let them run off?? They’re kids and they won’t learn if you don’t teach them.
^^ This! No wonder children run around in restaurants....

And no one would be using 'would of' instead of 'would have' or leaving out an apostrophe.

I never made my kids sit there. Boring and stressful for everyone. Funnily enough, as they've got older, they're perfectly capable of sitting and making polite conversation through lengthy meals.

Just like the fact that they learned to read and write even though I didn't teach them when they were 3. Who'd have thought it?