To think that Sunday roasts with 3 kids are hell

[lostinthoughts]

Feeling like a failure....

My 3 DC are ages 5, 3 and 1 and will sit at a table during a family roast dinner with my parents for approximately 10 minutes and eat next to nothing before asking to get down from the table to go and play.

I wish they would sit for longer and have a chat/do their usual funny stuff as my parents would love that but instead the scarper.

I can literally feel my DM's disdain and know what she is thinking that I have ferral kids

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Or if I am, then tell me your secrets

Nursery taught DS that cups/ glasses stay behind plates which works pretty well to prevent spillage.

The gravy thing is a rookie mistake , dips are always put separately and without touching the rest of the food, not that DS would try any- he recently called it poo.

But those things are just kids being kids, I'd expect them to mostly behave, but you know, like kids.

I don't understand what the difference is between a Sunday roast and a normal dinner? Do they not sit and eat dinner usually?

Could it be because it's the main meal at lunchtime so they're just not as hungry as usual?

My 11 yr old loves a roast but still at every meal will woof it down n sit tapping his fingers til he 'allowed' leave the table. DC2 not bad she enjoys the chat now at 9 (more chilled!) . DC 3 is 2.5 & shes up n down the table like a yoyo but will eventually get back up n eat a decent amount if we ignore her. When it's just us doesn't bother me long as they all eat something. but when my mother there with her running commentry it makes everything worse.

Auntie I just feel that a lot of parents feed their kids crap meals for 95% of the time . I see it all the time on holiday abroad. British families complaining there’s nothing to eat and then gathering around the chips and burger selections like they’re in heaven and ignoring cooked from scratch food. Fresh fish yuck, grilled chicken yuck, vegetables yuck. Fruit, no chance. Quite frankly this is why we have an obesity problem. Cheap processed food pushed at kids.

@ItStartedWithAKiss241 absolutely howling at the idea (I know it was a typo!) that brining the DC together with the yorkshires was the way to go

It’s stuff like this that puts me off having DC#3. DS1 (4) is just about ok with food and did a passable attempt at Christmas dinner for example. But even he had to be carted off to go sit with some screen time to let us enjoy the rest of that meal at our own pace. DS2 (2) would whinge like anything, and spend most of the meal under the table at best. I am seeing light at end of tunnel though and think by time he is 3 there should be an improvement. Shivering at the thought of adding a baby to the mix and going back to the start again. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to eat food for pleasure rather than shovel it in for fuel in between pandering to a small tyrant.

I don’t understand all this angst about ‘a roast’ and people saying they gave up on them with dc etc.

It’s just meat and veg on a plate Our dc have sat around a table (at home or family or restaurants) and had roasts since 6 months old, along with any other meal.

Personally we’ve never let the dc get down from the table until everyone finished, no exceptions...it will be hard to change ingrained habits later imo.

If you are doing sausages, then microwave a tin of baked beans, throw in some happy faces potato shapes and the children might be happier. My DS hated a roast until he was about 10, now a roast dinner, with sausage stuffing, crispy potatoes and veg. is his favourite meal.

Chesire we’ve now bought those fancy mini jugs so everyone can do as they will with gravy . It’s definitely the way forward.

Forget the 1 year old. Bribe the 3 & 5 year old (yes, yes 5 year olds should be able to do this without a bribe but who wants to take this risk).

We used to visit an extremely formal great grand parent when older DC were small. Treats for the journey home were very visible in the car and the 'rules' made clear. Sit still until excused, they must not comment on the food, and they must say please and thank you. They did not have to EAT the food but they must not be rude. If they could manage this then the journey home would be full of treats! During the meal I filled their plates with whatever they most liked but generally kept their portions tiny. DH kept everyone talking and we excused them as soon as humanly possible.

Focus on manners rather than food eaten because a public food battle will never be won.

I wouldn't stress about a 1 year old or a 3 year old but after the age of 4 mine were expected to stay at the table until the end of the meal. Grandparents/cousins etc were good at engaging them in conversation etc but there does come a point where you can expect them to cope for half an hour.

Not that I’m advocating those in the hands of the OP’s DC - can you imagine .

*There was also the gravy conundrum.
“DC would you like gravy?”
“Yes please, I love gravy”
“Shall I put a little bit on the side in case you change your mind, we can always put some more in if you like it”?
“No mummy, all over my dinner”

Gravy is poured all over dinner.

“Mummy this isn’t the gravy you made last week, take it off” [wail, wail’ thrashes about, knocks drink all over dinner]

Bugger that.*

So you’ve been to my house then... actually, with DS2 I’d add
“Mummy I want to try your dinner”
“But it has gravy on, you know, that brown stuff you just said you don’t like”
“I want to try yours!!”
After trying my identical to his dinner
“Mummy I really like this gravy, why won’t you let me have gravy on my dinner? “

Bold fail

Absolutely agree about focusing on manners rather than food eaten. I think the added stress is that myself and DH are also trying to eat whilst simultaneously encouraging the little ones to eat/picking up peas from the floor/maintaining good conversation with the olds. It's enough to make anyone sweat 😅

Sweating even more at the thought of the 1 year old with a mini gravy jug 😂

One of my dc has never been strapped into anything and fought car seats straps endlessly.

High chair no fucking way.

OP your children are not feral... your parents on the other hand maybe lacking in common senses or politeness... how often are these roasts!!
. they are far too small to be forced to sit eating stuff they dislike in boring atmosphere.

I've never forced my DC and now they haveexemplary table manners . far better than any friends we host! Better than cousins Etc.
. when they're older end ready to understand gradually work on it. For now .. take your own food or ask your mother to cook child friendly stuff.

Maybe even have small table just for them.

Mini gravy boats what an amazing idea!

Honestly I think we expect too much of kids young kids to sit at the table for adult conversation. It’s very hard for active kids. The interaction with grandparents at this age should center around being part of the kids own activities.

Table for 10 - 15 minutes max.

Sorry but it doesn’t always get better.

My Dad used to pick arguments with my son (then 25) about politics or my daughter’s partner about being vegan. She wasn’t vegan but he thought she could be. She’d only met him a couple of times.

My eldest daughter would sit and smile - she knew the score!

I’d get into the dining room earlier and usher my children to seats near my mum. I sat near my Dad.

The food was inconsequential and to be honest I’d have been happy if they’d finished in 10 minutes.

I must admit having glanced back through some comments...

Forcing DC too eat roasts and sit at table from 2 doesn't mean that is why they will do it now! They do it now because they are ready to!!

Like forcing potty training or anything else!

Doesn't the lure of pudding keep them there? That's the only reason i used to stay at the table when I was little. My dad ate sooo slowly, I could feel my free time slipping away. I think if you want them to sit at a table for ages, you have to give them something to do - christmas cracker type prize things maybe?

The only way to get kids to sit still is to do it every day. You can't expect kids who normally get given food to quickly scoff then are allowed to leave the table to suddenly be good dinner guests when grandma visits (or you take them out to eat).

We always sat at the table as kids, consequently when I had kids as soon as they could sit in a high chair they joined us for dinner and always sat until everyone was finished. We also ate out with them in non family type restaurants from infancy (our choice) never had a problem - but it's because they always did it. In my house meal times have always been sacred and we have always eaten late (6.30/7pm) to ensure we all eat together.

We used to have to try and get through a Sunday lunch with DH's dad and stepmum. His dad was lovely but she was a real stickler for children being seen and not heard. It didn't help that we had to eat at 12pm and she did tinned veg that my DC had never eaten before let alone liked. It was like eating lunch with Mrs Trunchbull watching over you...... our DC swore she had a chokey cupboard in the hallway for naughty kids!

I still shudder thinking about those Sundays............

The only food mine won't eat is peas. They despise them. It's one I have decided to let go. Can't say I'm fond of them myself. Mine love roasts and always have (always cooked by DM though, I can't cook for shit). Do you mash the potatoes/carrots? I think dc are more inclined to eat mash than sliced carrots for e.g. Salt for one day of the week might not go astray either. Mashed potato, mashed carrot (with butter mixed in maybe). When pouring the gravy, let them help hold the gravy jug, so that they can't blame you if it goes all wrong for some bizarre new reason they've decided on. As a child I loved sitting at the table while the adults were discussing juicy gossip. Could you pretend you're discussing something the dc can't hear - believe me, that will peak their interest. I also find that small portions are the way forward. They get overwhelmed with too much going on. Also, forbidding something (e.g. No, this gravy is just for the adults, I'm not sure you're old enough for it yet) will make them suddenly interested.

See, I disagree kids need to sit at the table until everyone is finished, unless everyone is willing to eat reasonably quickly. If you have someone who takes forever, then it's pretty miserable for them.