To think that Sunday roasts with 3 kids are hell

[lostinthoughts]

Feeling like a failure....

My 3 DC are ages 5, 3 and 1 and will sit at a table during a family roast dinner with my parents for approximately 10 minutes and eat next to nothing before asking to get down from the table to go and play.

I wish they would sit for longer and have a chat/do their usual funny stuff as my parents would love that but instead the scarper.

I can literally feel my DM's disdain and know what she is thinking that I have ferral kids

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Or if I am, then tell me your secrets

@Auntiepatricia my dd is 1 and sits in her highchair for an entire meal, this evening we had a roast at my mums and she sat at the table for the whole hour quite happily. My nephew, who lived with my partner when we met was the same, and now at 5 he sits for a whole meal, joins in conversation, and then he is allowed to get down after the meal. In my experience it is easy.

My dd sits in her highchair every evening when we have dinner. We go out for dinner at least once a week and she sits and eats all of her food and is quite happily babbling away with us.

Kids have to be involved in the conversations at the dinner table or they will get bored. Well behaved they get pudding and can get down to play so adults can have some kid free time

Gosh, I sound like a master manipulator there haha

Kneehigim DS would just say the grown ups should eat it then , but I get your point.

IMO the main thing beyond getting them used to eating nicely is keeping the conversation mostly at a level they can engage. Controversial perhaps, but otherwise it's bad manners from the adults.

Lazy, so you have 1 dd who is currently 1 and sits a whole meal in her high chair. Oh Lordy. Please keep your first post in mind over the next 5 years😁.

Do they sit at the table for dinner at home OP?

It sounds like you’ll have to take this one in small steps and reward for 5 minute increments or whatever.

Good suggestions about table mats you can colour in.

Also, are your parents/you actually engaging with the children with chat? Rather than just encouraging them to eat veg. If someone is chatting and making being at the table interesting they’re far more likely to forget they want to get down and play. My dad is great for telling DCs jokes and little funny stories that have them howling and Completely forgetting that they “don’t like” the carrots they’re shovelling into their mouths.

Can you seat them so that there is an adult next to every child? Might help take the pressure off you and keep the conversation a bit more child focussed rather than kids at one end adults at the other. Also I wouldn’t expect them to sit for more than 20 minutes at those ages. But enforce good manners when it’s time to get down. Thanking the cook and bringing their dishes to the sink.

@buildingbackup yes!! As is a roast is some exotic and unusual meal to serve kids...I’m astonished so many of you claim your children won’t touch it! It’s meat and vegetables?
I am a pretty laid back parent but teaching my kids table manners is something I’ve always done. Yes even at 5, 3 and 1. Some people’s attitudes here is that you’re showing off or acting like you’re a perfect parent for setting very basic rules for your children. Weird. It’s honestly not difficult and frankly it’s lazy parenting to not teach kids table manners.

@ilovemaxibondi has the right idea. Making it a routine and it becomes normal for them to sit and eat a meal and engage with family at dinner time. Some very good suggestions

I vividly remember the agony of meals at my SIL's house before she had kids, her culture means that everyone stays at the table until the end, when you pray. So my 5 year odl sat nicely until he had finished, and then sat nicely for another 5 minutes, until I let him get down, poor thing was beside himself with boredom - add in the fatc that he didn't understand the language...
Queue bloody narky comments from SIL.
Roll forward 5 years, my 3 sitting nicely (oldernow) and her bloody 5 eyar old not even expected to sit long enough to eat his food.

BUT when I read your post, I did wonder - don';t you sit down normally for meals?
To me a roast isn't any different, we sit for meals, have to last at least until your plate is finished, and usually the whole meal. But when there are visitors, adults talk and that is boring, so they are allowed to get down, and come back for pudding

@Auntiepatricia

Lazy, so you have 1 dd who is currently 1 and sits a whole meal in her high chair. Oh Lordy. Please keep your first post in mind over the next 5 years.

Yes, not sure why thats so hard to believe?oh i'm sure she'll push boundaries soon, but there are rules at our dinner table that she has to follow. And like i said,my nephew who is now 5 has been the same since he was 1.

It also depends on the kids. My kids are hyperactive. It’s not their fault that they find it extremely hard to sit still for any length of time. My oldest is 16 now and is the politest boy ever at meal times. I just didn’t make him stay at the table when he was younger as I was bringing up individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses. Not making a one rule fits all family.

Do your kids really not enjoy Sunday roast? At that age my kids would help carve the roast, pour the wine and make insightful conversation about the global economy.

Yes, not sure why thats so hard to believe?

I think it was the fact that you said "In my experience it's easy" when you have precisely zero experience.

Some babies will stay at the table and some won’t. For mine they were both at the table from birth either on me or in a Moses basket by the table. I don’t know why. It just felt like that’s were they should be even though they weren’t going to be eating for months! But gradually they were awake on my knee as we ate and then able to sit in their own high chair and have their own food so it was never a “new” thing for them to sit at the table. It’s just what happened and that’s where they got their food. So they sat. Other families do it differently so maybe sitting at the table to eat is a new thing and they aren’t really that keen on it. Fine if it works for your family but it does mean you’ll Have a battle on your hands when you need them to sit at the table.

nuno!

@NunoGoncalves
A 5yo and a 1yo is zero experience

A 1-year-old doesn't really count, no. Almost all 1-year-olds sit happily in a high chair watching the world go by. It's later that they start preferring to get down and play!

And I don't think the 5 year old counts, no, since I'm presuming you didn't raise him.

I sat my kids at the table or on a high chair from birth. They all eat at the table. They just took 10 minutes from age 3/4!

It doesn’t mean they were then mature enough or calm enough to sit listening to a load of old boring adults!

We eat every meal at the table and always have done.... doesn't stop 2.5yo DS from wanting to get down after 5 minutes. I've given up trying to convince him to stay, it ruins our meals and get ds worked up. He is improving slowly but I'm not turning mealtime into a battle so for now if he asks to get down we let him.

I really wish it was as simple as this is what we've always done and they're used to it.... no one told my ds that.

Drinkygin, surely it entirely depends on how much your children like food. Mine are 11 and 7 and are simply not that in to food. Of you have children that are very keen on food then it is much more enticing to stay put. My Mil is very strict with my DC and that sometimes works in that they stay at the table but she'll say, 'no pudding' unless sat at the table but more often than not they don't like the pudding. It's stressful when you don't have good eaters!

Lazy your 1 year old sits for an hour?? DD is very bright, (G&T at school age 7) she always needed a bit more stimulation than adults dull conversation at 12 months. No need to be so smug - you might want to think about why she doesn’t need a bit more stimulation

Oh, DS used to sit still at 1- he obviously ate slower than now at 4 and was BBC's both hungrier (he certainly ate more at 18 months than most days now) and less fussy.

Both! Not BBC- I don't even watch it

Lazy your 1 year old sits for an hour?? DD is very bright, (G&T at school age 7) she always needed a bit more stimulation than adults dull conversation at 12 months. No need to be so smug - you might want to think about why she doesn’t need a bit more stimulation

Oh dear me...did you actually just try and insinuate that a posters child must be thick/slow to be so easily placated and sit nicely at age one?

I can’t quite believe it but I think you did, whilst referencing your own ‘g&t’ dd 🙈

Honestly I’m cringing for you 😂😂 Good lord, green is not a good colour mind!

They need to be part of the conversation though or they won’t stay at the table. My children always loved the extendable fork making an appearance and some not so subtle food stealing....

know it sounds awful but id keep going as much as you can.
I remember this being the same(sometimes) when we were little.we had no choice but to sit until we had finished to at least pudding.and then had to ask gran if we could get down.and again this wa sonly if we then didn't want pudding.if we wanted choc sauce and ice cream!(instead of their crumble) we had to sit through....but years latr...and now I love those sundays we always spent together.and somewhere along the way the line of hating it seamlessly went to being older,being able to join in.and loving those times we spent with gran.
all the amazingly funny and lovly bits happened round that table of grans.and we still do it now.all together when we can.its like literally coming home.
could you do an insensitive like that.sit through the meal and they have special pudding.

and is it your kids?or is it having to keep up appearance with your inlaws or parents. becaue I know it probably only worked fo rus becaue my parents got on with their elders so it wasn't about having to keep up the show