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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
GooodMythicalMorning · 24/02/2019 17:57

Id not be impressed. hope they make up for it.

Hobbz · 24/02/2019 17:57

Happy Birthday Radley! Cake Flowers

The happened to a friend (was a colleague too at the time) for her 50th - neither of her two sons or husband acknowledged it (they forgot I think, so slightly different). Thankfully we made a big fuss of her at work. It really stuck with me (and it was 21 years ago!).

I'm so sorry - no wonder you are hurt. Did they acknowledge your 59th? Has this happened before? I would definitely have a conversation with them about how much it has hurt you.

speakout · 24/02/2019 17:58

OP can you tell us a little more about your family dynamics?

Any back stories?

I think a little context is important here.

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 24/02/2019 17:58

Happy Birthday!

gamerchick · 24/02/2019 17:58

Happy birthday OP Flowers

Well maybe it's time you started thinking of yourself from now on. When you're back on your feet, book yourself a treat finances allowing and let the ungrateful gits look after themselves for a bit.

spongedog · 24/02/2019 17:58

I am so sorry for you - all adults, with the means and money to do even a little something. They are beyond selfish. But are your relationships with DH and the DC good in other ways? I am wondering perhaps not.

LikeYouSaid · 24/02/2019 17:59

I’d order cake from a dessert takeaway just for me and when it arrives tell them it’s to celebrate my birthday Wink watch them squirm.

Happy birthday OP FlowersCakeStar

LesLavandes · 24/02/2019 17:59

🎂Wishing you a very Happy Birthday 🎂

DorisDances · 24/02/2019 18:00

Oh OP that is so thoughtless of them and I would be upset too. A huge happy birthday from me x

Lizzie48 · 24/02/2019 18:01

Sorry, OP, I've seen your update. Really shitty of your family not to acknowledge your birthday, especially a milestone one. You need to let them know how it made you feel.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 18:02

The fuckers. Have you brought it up with any of them why they didn’t even wish you a happy birthday? I bloody would have and they wouldn’t be getting off me on their next birthday either.

Happy belated birthday 🎁 🍰🍾🥂

StarJumpsandaHalf · 24/02/2019 18:02

Gin Flowers Bear

Are they always so thoughtless? How mean even if it wasn't a significant birthday.

Many happy returns from me and hope you get well soon and take yourself for a big treat.

Itssosunny · 24/02/2019 18:03

Happy Birthday! All birthdays should be special. I would be a cow and forget their birthdays.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 24/02/2019 18:03

Happy Birthday.

I am very sorry you have been let down.

Context is important. Is your husband older or younger than you?

Are you otherwise happy? Will he be mortified to know you are upset, or will he not care?

What things/people do you have in your life to be thankful for?

I am 52. My 50th birthday was, by choice, a quiet affair, but I would have been very upset indeed to have had no acknowledgement at all.

Best wishes to you. Keep posting here and we will see what we can do to help.

Springisallaround · 24/02/2019 18:03

All those saying- so don't do anything for them this year! You could start a tit for tat birthday war or you could try directly communicating with them- I'm really upset about you forgetting my birthday and seeing what conversation comes about. Hopefully, if they do care, they'll be mortified (but also wonder why the heck you left it up til the day to even mention it) but if they are not, perhaps this is a sign of bigger problems and taking you for granted, which is what you hint at in your OP.

This is sad, OP, but some direct communication wouldn't go amiss here.

BarbarianMum · 24/02/2019 18:04

I really hope you give them a taste of their own medicine on their next birthdays. Bet you don't though.

Drogosnextwife · 24/02/2019 18:06

Happy birthday!

Phone yourself a take away, order something nice online for yourself since you can't get out to the shops. If they ask why you are having a take away say "ell it is my 60th birthday" and leave them to stew.

BarbarianMum · 24/02/2019 18:06

How on earth is the husband's age relevant to this LadyMacbeth? What age would he have to be to make this OK?

hellojason · 24/02/2019 18:06

I, too, am confused. They know it's your birthday but haven't so much as wished you a happy birthday let alone given you a gift ? Your daughter reminded them a while back then 'forgets' herself?

Have they lost track of which day it is? Maybe they're planning a big surprise for later..... doubtful, tell them now and let them know you're upset. They could still make amends.

Happy Birthday!

CharlyAngelic · 24/02/2019 18:08

So , @Radley60 what will you do ?

Neckercheiftheif · 24/02/2019 18:10

Do you think they might be ‘ignoring’ the occasion for a reason? That is to say, do you think they may have organised something secret that may be next weekend for example?

Happy birthday! X

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 24/02/2019 18:10

Happy Birthday 🥳

Sorry this happened to you. However you should let them know how you feel. Don’t just bury it down and stew over it, this will make you feel like crap for a long time.

Overtheborder · 24/02/2019 18:11

Is it today Radley?

Happy birthday from Ireland FlowersCake

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 24/02/2019 18:12

The reason I asked the OP’s husband’s age was to see if he had already passed this milestone birthday. It would have opened a conversation about what she did for him on the same date - whether he expected something to be made of such an event or whether in their family such dates went largely unremarked. I agree that his age would not be in any way determinative of how he should respond, but if he were very much older or younger it might have provided some context.

MakeItAmazing · 24/02/2019 18:12

Happy birthday 💐🎂🍷🥃☕️

Either have it out with them or ignore all their birthdays this year.