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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 24/02/2019 17:44

This is my dog Radley he is wishing you a very happy birthday.

Haffdonga · 24/02/2019 17:45

@Radley60

Do you think they had forgotten it was your birthday or that it was a big one? Do you often downplay birthdays and make a deal about not needing presents?

I'd be very very hurt and would make my feelings known by telling them you are going to give yourself a big present because nobody else did.

What do you fancy? A cruise? A new car? A round the world trip to visit all your friends and relatives who live in nice places?

Spend their inheritance and the pension fund on something just for you and fuck'em all enjoy!

Happy birthday!

XiCi · 24/02/2019 17:45

60 is a landmark birthday so its really surprising that it hasn't come up in conversation beforehand. Its my dh 50th this year and we've been discussing plans for months now eg shall we have a party, shall we go away etc etc. Even a normal birthday I'd have a what shall we do for my birthday conversation a few weeks before. I'd certainly have a where's my pressie conversation if it got to the actual day. Did you just sit and say nothing? that must have been torture, I'd have been seething!

FurrySlipperBoots · 24/02/2019 17:46

How Immensely hurtful! I think you need to tell them how upset you are OP. I never understand people on here saying 'It's just a random day, it doesn't mean anything' or 'You need to remind people or they'll forget' - as far as your family is concerned birthdays ARE special because that's how you make it for them! Have your friends wished you a happy day? Any particularly close friends you'd like to do something fun with - go to the theatre or for a pamper day or out for a meal with? I would plan something now to 'take the taste away' from today.

n0ne · 24/02/2019 17:46

YANBU at all, that's utterly shit. If you can't be made of fuss of on your 60th birthday, when can you?! If it's any consolation, I organised a party for my 40th recently and no fucker came so I know how much it stings. Happy happy birthday, OP. You matter CakeWine

FurrySlipperBoots · 24/02/2019 17:47

Oh, and Happy Birthday from me! (((Hugs)))

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 24/02/2019 17:47

This is awful, how did this happen? What about your friends did you not have plans with them that would jog your spoilt family’s memory?

StrongTea · 24/02/2019 17:48

Really out of order of your family. Think I would be downing tools for a few days. Happy Birthday from me.

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:48

Thank you to everyone who responded. In answer to those who asked. No they didn't forget they day they simply didn't acknowledge it. My daughter was home for Xmas and told them to make sure I had a great day but then she didn't bother either.

So thanks again to everyone. The birthday wishes meant a lot.

OP posts:
Margot33 · 24/02/2019 17:49

Do you think they forgot? Please tell them you're 60 today. It's not too late for the day to be salvaged. Chinese takeaway and a nice bottle of wine would save the day. Happy 60th birthday!

DowntonCrabby · 24/02/2019 17:50

What a load of selfish, ignorant, pricks quite frankly.

60 is a big deal and your wife or Mother turning 60 should be a huge deal.

I’d book yourself the most extravagant treat, something you’d never normally do for yourself. Find it with the fuckers’ birthday and Christmas budgets for the next few years.

Did anyone at all acknowledge the date?

CakeCakeCakeFlowersFlowersFlowers

DowntonCrabby · 24/02/2019 17:50

*fund

elephantoverthehill · 24/02/2019 17:52

Happy birthday 🎂 Radley, many Happy returns.

Wauden · 24/02/2019 17:52

FlowersCakeGinWine
Happy Birthday to you!

Margot33 · 24/02/2019 17:52

Oh no I've just read your latest update. That's awful, I'm so sorry. I think it's only fair to do the same back to your family. See how they like it! You can order yourself some take out and ice cream and eat it in bed!

Haffdonga · 24/02/2019 17:53

It sounds quite odd really. Is there a problem in your relationships? Had you said you didn't want a 'fuss'? What normally happens on your birthday?

XiCi · 24/02/2019 17:54

OK I'm confused. If they didn't acknowledge the day at all. How do you know they didn't forget? What was their reaction when you told them how hurt you were?

AlwaysCheddar · 24/02/2019 17:54

I hope you treat everyone the same way this year. That’s appalling to not do anything for your birthday.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 24/02/2019 17:54

Happy Birthday Radley! So sorry your family let you down today. Do they realise how upset you are?

I would be telling them all now that this is a milestone birthday for you and it is not going to pass uncelebrated. They have until midnight to talk to each other and sort out something special, or you'll be doing it yourself and sending them the bill. Your DH in particular should be under no illusions this is going to cost him. He should have been checking the DC had remembered.

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 24/02/2019 17:54

OP, this is the saddest thing I’ve heard in a while 😞. Personally, I’m not a fan of my birthday and receiving gifts but a thoughtful card is always welcome as it means you have a place in someone’s heart.

Rise above it. Tell your family you are disappointed your milestone was forgotten (bus pass birthday!!) but you know they love you. That’ll guilt trip them!!! (Or is that the definition of passive aggressive?? Ach, so what!)

Happy birthday from the Shades of Grey xxx 🎂

ShowMeTheKittens · 24/02/2019 17:54

Really sorry. That's horrid. I am always annoyed my eldest brother doesn't remember our Mum, she is in her Nineties!
Big hugs. Cake Flowers

Bellatrix14 · 24/02/2019 17:55

I had just gone on to the last page to ask if you were certain that they hadn’t just forgotten (still not ideal, but preferable) when I saw your update. Have you discussed it with them, or are you just assuming that they haven’t forgotten?

I’m really sorry that they have made you feel like this and not put the effort in for you, especially as you sound absolutely lovely. Happy birthday from me Flowers

Tiredmum100 · 24/02/2019 17:56

Happy birthday! 60 is to be celebrated. Sorry your family have let you down. You have right to be angry. I'd be forgetting there's this year if I was you. What would you like to do? Book yourself a special treat. Sod the lot of them x

LondonJax · 24/02/2019 17:56

Bloody hell I can't believe close family need reminding it's someone's birthday!

My DH may ask me what I want to DO for my birthday, about a week or two before, but he's never needed reminding that it's coming up.

If he did he'd find his birthday conveniently forgotten. He's an adult, he can remember, use a diary, put an alarm on his phone. No excuse and no reminder needed. It happens on the same date every year. Like Christmas. Easy.

I'd be telling DH and adult children that this year they are on their own regarding birthdays. No card, no present, no good wishes. Let them know how hurt you were OP. But tell them now - don't do tit for tat on their day. If they realise now that they've slipped up they can make up for it. Make sure they do.

Happy Birthday. Go out and treat yourself. You deserve it.

LuciaLuciaLucia · 24/02/2019 17:56

Happy Birthday from Slovakia Radley!
🦋💐🦋💐🎂
Please tell them and demand your presents! Make them guilty so they overcompensate tomorrow! 😁