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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 24/02/2019 17:27

Wishing you a very very very happy birthday op

There is no excuse for your family not acknowledging your birthday, that is appalling, and I would tell your DH and D's face to face, and your DD by Tel, that as of now they better sort their own birthdays and Christmas gifts out as you are making no further efforts with any events.

Make sure you do something just for you x

ChasedByBees · 24/02/2019 17:27

Do they know it was your birthday? It is really sad that they didn’t acknowledge it. Happy birthday Flowers Cake

Butterfly84 · 24/02/2019 17:27

That is truly awful OP. To the poster who said they always remind everyone it's your birthday, you shouldn't have to remind your own close family! All I can think OP is that your husband maybe wrongly assumed you didn't want to do anything at all because of the crutches. I cannot understand why he couldn't make a fuss of you at home though.

Happy birthday from me Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 24/02/2019 17:28

Honestly, people need reminding about birthdays. Otherwise they forget, you get upset, then when you tell them afterwards they feel guilty and it all goes wrong. When I got to 60, I said to family that I'd booked a table at a local pub restaurant (they paid for themselves!) It was all good, and they all brought presents. Grin

Singlenotsingle · 24/02/2019 17:28

PS happy birthday Wine

NataliaOsipova · 24/02/2019 17:29

Happy birthday. Think of something you’d really like to do - for you. Something a bit extravagant. And then book it and do it!

AutumnCrow · 24/02/2019 17:31

💐

Springisallaround · 24/02/2019 17:31

To the poster who said they always remind everyone it's your birthday, you shouldn't have to remind your own close family!

Judging by the amount of posts on here where people are forgotten about every year, it is worth at least dropping it into conversation in the week or two leading up to it.

Also- how can you make plans, dinner, take-away, holiday, party, if you don't discuss your birthday?

Now the OP feels shit, the family will feel shit too- I don't see how this is a win just because people 'should' have remembered. If they are normally good with birthday gifts, then this isn't a deliberate slight.

karala · 24/02/2019 17:32

this is so horribly sad to not even wish you a happy birthday

Flowers
SuchAToDo · 24/02/2019 17:33

I'm sorry opFlowers I have this every year from people mentioning their birthdays and when it comes round to mine there's not even a happy birthday text message....my 30th birthday passed by without a mention like yours did....(I'm 37 this year)...I've started to treat my birthday as a day to do something I want to do, I treat myself to something I really want as a nice gift to myself, I buy something nice to eat, go and see a movie etc

Also, happy birthday opCakeWineFlowers

doggydoodoo1 · 24/02/2019 17:33

I'm so sorry, Happy Birthday 💐 xxx

humpydumpybumpy · 24/02/2019 17:34

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Radley60!!!!!!! Best wishesCakeWineFlowersCakeWineFlowersCakeWineFlowersCakeWineFlowers

Mmmmbrekkie · 24/02/2019 17:34

How can we say unreasonable or shit of the family
This is very unusual for three close family members to not even acknowledge.
There is a likely a very very compelling and disturbing back story

user1478597636 · 24/02/2019 17:36

Happy Birthday!
I'm so sorry that you didn't get a lovely day. Please tell them. Make a bloody big fuss so that they know.
I resent like hell if I don't get the attention I feel I deserve as I make time to do the same for others.

Also I would spend a ridiculous sum of money on something just for you. Unappreciative buggers!
Hope your knee heals soon Flowers

XiCi · 24/02/2019 17:38

Oh god OP, thats just heartbreaking. What did they say when you told them?

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 24/02/2019 17:38

I dragged my mum to Disneyland Paris with my kids, my ex and ex stepkids when she was 60 because hell five kids all small and a manchild, i needed the help but it was ace.

Ok, didn't do much for my dads 60th but he did make my mum cry for it so... Well actually I dont know where Im going with that.

I'd be fuming. Only my parents ever remember or acknowledge my birthday, I organised something last year and was yet again left in tears when no one came/ gave a shit/ whatever.

Let us know their reaction when yoh remind them of the date.

Ninkaninus · 24/02/2019 17:38

That’s really shit.

I wouldn’t do anything for any of their next birthdays.

Happy 60th, and make sure you treat yourself to something nice.

Flowers
Butterfly84 · 24/02/2019 17:39

@Springisallaround I do not agree with having to drop into conversation about your upcoming birthday to your close family.

Of course, you can discuss/book plans in the months/weeks leading up to it. But if you had decided not to do/go anywhere, your close family should at least remember to buy you cards/presents and shock horror...maybe suggest/organise something.

0rangeB0ttle · 24/02/2019 17:39

Happy birthday Cake

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2019 17:40

Is this a 'one off' or do they always ignore your birthday?

If they always ignore, then that mindset isn't going to change just because it's your 60th. If you want your birthday celebrated, you have to tell them how much it would mean to them to be remembered. Yes, it would be lovely if they just remembered on their own, but they don't.

If it's a 'one off', I'd be asking DH why. Maybe somehow he got the mistaken idea that you wanted to ignore turning 60? Some people can be pretty dense sometimes and a simple "Oh God! I can't believe I'm turning 60!!!" could be interpreted as "I just want to ignore my birthday". And it's quite possible he communicated that to others.

Happy Birthday from me in the USA. Do something nice for yourself. If you can't get out and about, there's some lovely things on Amazon Wink.

fullofcoldahhhh · 24/02/2019 17:41

That is really shitty OP you are definitely not BU.

Big happy birthday from me! Not the same but sod them... get online and order yourself something nice as a birthday treat you know you'd like to have... make sure it's something totally frivolous that you'd never usually get for yourself xx

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2019 17:41

mean to YOU, not to them!!

JoyceDivision · 24/02/2019 17:42

If your immediate family need reminding / telling it's your birthday... All of them, not a single one has thought if it, then that is totally shit.

Gramgram · 24/02/2019 17:44

Happy birthday FlowersCakeWine

Serin · 24/02/2019 17:44

StarCakeFlowersStarFlowers
Happy Birthday Radley
You must be a lovely person to have not completely flipped over this. I would be giving them hell.
What would happen if you told them exactly how you feel now??