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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 24/02/2019 17:17

Thinking about the zero birthdays, although it's not my style, if it's yours. then organise a celebration party/dinner tea whatever. For my OH 's 70th we took each of the families out to dinner separately. That was nice. I do think busy families get wrapped up in their own busy lives and you should let them know what you want, they aren't mind readers. There is a recent thing ramping up 30, 40, 50, 60 70. They were a bit naughty not t o phone or send a card

DoneLikeAKipper · 24/02/2019 17:18

Happy Birthday OP!

You have to talk to them, and tell them how you feel. It won’t bring back your 60th, but it might make them treat you better in future.

Sparklesocks · 24/02/2019 17:18

Happy birthday Radley 🎉🎉🎉

sonjadog · 24/02/2019 17:20

That is really shit of them. Have you told them how you feel? Have they apologized?

AbsentmindedWoman · 24/02/2019 17:20

Happy birthday *Radley60^.

Can you treat yourself to something nice this week? Big or small, depending on budget - just to do something nice for yourself?

I'm so sorry they didn't acknowledge it.

girlwithadragontattoo · 24/02/2019 17:21

Have you said anything to them op?
I'm angry for you. I live abroad and It's my mum's 60th this year, although i can't be there I'l be sending a card next week and I'm paying for her to stay her for a week in May. I bet neither or my brothers or father have even thought of doing anything for her.

Lizzie48 · 24/02/2019 17:21

Happy belated birthday, OP. Thanks

I'm so sorry your family didn't acknowledge it, that's very hurtful. Is it possible that they simply forgot?

surferjet · 24/02/2019 17:21

Do they ignore your birthday every year?

CharlyAngelic · 24/02/2019 17:21

Happy Birthday 🥳
When you are fully mobile book something you want to do .

Lovingbenidorm · 24/02/2019 17:22

I’m so sorry, no wonder you are hurt.
I really think you have to point out to them that have been thoughtless and hurtful.
In our family birthdays are ‘all about me!’ (I mean the individual who’s birthday it is)
We love to make a fuss.
Did you not even get any cards?

exitlight · 24/02/2019 17:22

Happy Birthday! CakeFlowers

surferjet · 24/02/2019 17:22

Happy birthday btw CakeFlowersSmile

Fartingisfun · 24/02/2019 17:22

Well a bloody big happy birthday from me!

If it's any consolation my lot are shit on birthdays and so lack lustre I sometimes wish they had just forgotten.

Choose something you would like to do just for you to mark your birthday and then go an enjoy it.

Groovee · 24/02/2019 17:23

Happy 60th Birthday. So unfair they didn't even acknowledge it x

Monestasi · 24/02/2019 17:23

Happy happy birthday dear Radley.

Birthdays can be so disappointing the older we get. If I were you I would note it and treat YOURSELF. Often, it's best to expect nothing from others, but everything from ourselves. You owe it to you to mark your 60 fine years on this planet. Wine Cake Flowers

Echobelly · 24/02/2019 17:23

I'm sorry you experience this, it was very selfish of them.

You shouldn't have to remind people, but I do think that, unless you know your family are very considerate, people might assume you don't want anything to happen if you don't mention it (though I do think your partner really ought to have know better and daughter should have at least send a greeting). If I hadn't organised stuff for my 40th, although my family get on really well, I don't think they would have necessarily gone to great efforts to do anything on my behalf.

sodabreadjam · 24/02/2019 17:24

Happy birthday! Cake Flowers Wine

HollowTalk · 24/02/2019 17:25

Happy birthday. I'm so sorry they've been so rubbish with this.

Perhaps if you feel they see you as the hired help, it might be time to consider how you want the rest of your life to be. Move out and tell them you've retired.

Springisallaround · 24/02/2019 17:25

Did you talk about plans for your 60th beforehand? Plan anything? I like to think no-one would get left out in our family like this, but we do tend to talk through what we are going to do weeks in advance! I wouldn't leave it up to the day and then sit and cry, I'd be saying 'its my birthday next week, what shall we get up to?'

I do agree you shouldn't have to drive it all, I don't, I mention it a bit and then they go off and get stuff, but equally I wouldn't just allow it to become forgotten. Nor would my husband, he plans his birthday parties months in advance!

Sorry this happened to you- I'd immediately tell them and try and let them make this right.

Alison100199 · 24/02/2019 17:26

Happy happy birthday CakeFlowers. Am so sorry your family didn't do anything. I hope you've been able to speak to them about it.

glamorousgrandmother · 24/02/2019 17:26

It's strange they all ignored it completely if they don't usually ignore birthdays. I'm not surprised you are upset you should definitely say something.

Belated Happy Birthday Cake from me.

Caticorn · 24/02/2019 17:26

Have they ignored it or forgotten? Both are unacceptable but if they knew but deliberately ignored it then that's worse.

catwithflowers · 24/02/2019 17:26

How horrible. Happy, happy birthday. I hope your family realise what idiots they have been and plan something lovely for you in the coming weeks.

And get well soon ❤️🎂🥂

Minglemangle · 24/02/2019 17:27

Did they eventually realise, what was the fallout?

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 24/02/2019 17:27

Do they always forget your birthday or was it just this year? I'm thinking that maybe you always organise stuff for their birthdays so it never occurs to them they actually have to do something when it's yours. Happy big birthday anyway! Use this one as a turning point where you start putting yourself first.