Daughter not invited to my brothers wedding abroad

[Alicia870]

My daughter will be approaching 2 when my brother gets married in Croatia. Ive only just found out they are not having children at the wedding and she is not invited. He also wants us all to go out 3 days before the wedding and to stay the day after for other events and gatherings. So it would mean we will have to leave her with dh's parenrs for about 5 days. She is the only niece he has and I can't help but feel upset by this. It's a long time to leave her and I feel like she is part of the family too and can't see how she would do much harm. I wouldn't mind if it was at home as I understand some people don't want kids at a wedding but isn't it a bit much to expect us to go abroad and just leave her for days?

That’s too long to leave a 2 year old. Yanbu. I wouldn’t go. Different if it was a local wedding but 5 days abroad? No.

@MadMadaMim You’ve forgotten something quite key - firstly, you wrote that ridiculous judgy rant (as opposed to saying it out loud so you have deniability) and secondly, it’s still there for us all to read.

Think she's channelling Donald Trump?

Anyone else think @Madmadamim is ignoring a barrage of emails. Come back please. All is forgiven....

I think your db is being a prat and you are being very supportive of him. At least this way in a few years when he has dc you can remind him of his bright idea!

@Madmadamin, you were being personal. You never said a "fail" for you, you generalised it in your original post.
You ask people "not to be judgemental" but your original post was very, very judgy !
In a few years OP will still remember how inconsiderate her DB was, but will have moved, but you don't forget things like this, when it comes to family.
I've been there, I've moved on but I've not forgotten . I sit back now and see my DSis with her DC and wonder, does she consider her dc' s an important part of our extended family ? Would she be happy if Her Dc's were excluded from major family events?
I think not, kids are part of families and should be treated as such.
This is not a random kid, it's his niece! She's family. She needs consideration, especially when the wedding in Croatia.....she's not a dog and can not be kenneled for 5 days !
Peace out !

If you don't want to use your leave and money without a family holiday just don't go - that isn't unreasonable at all.

However, I think it's unreasonable to have a chat with him and try and change their minds.

Think she's channelling Donald Trump?

FAKE NEWS!

Hi everyone. I didn't disappear - I had other things to do. I've just managed to sit down with a cuppa and have come here straight away.

I'm back.. Thanks for all the love. And for those concerned about my having a bad day the other day - I can happily assure you, this is not the case.

I'm not back peddling - maybe my expressing what I mean isn't great - and for that, I do apologise. I'm sorry.

My original post was nether ranty nor shouty. The capital letters were used to emphasise those words - not shout. If that's shouting, then I'm sorry and apologise for that also. And I wasn't preaching - merely responding and attempting to address/explain.

I've reread my posts and don't understand the comments about back peddling. I do, rereading the post, think I should have said 'a few days' as opposed to '5' days - I think I was quoting OP. At aged 2, I would not be away for 5 days unless I had to or had no choice. For a wedding, 2 or 3 nights max. I'm sorry I said 5 days when in reality, I mean 3 or 4 days.

Having said that, I don't apologise for things I believe. And I do. For me, at 2 years, not being able to be apart from children/children be away from parents, as long as they're safe and cared for, for a few days is a parental fail. It's my view.. It's not directed at each person directly. It's a general view I have on parenting. I don't expect agreement to that view in the same way that I don't feel obliged to agree with views/opinions different to mine.

As I said, I don't get the opportunity to follow MN these days. I isn't think there's anything else to say. I'm not ignoring, disappearing, channeling Trump (whatever that means - over my head - didn't get that one).

If there's anything you feel I should respond to, please feel free to message me directly (I beleibe this is still possible) and I'll check back in to the thread. If its to respond to further hateful, aggressive, vile, nasty and, in some cases, seemingly deranged, comments - then I politely decline in advance.

People are very rarely hurtful to others. Where there's doubt, give the benefit. Ambiguity - go with positive.

I genuinely love you all as fellow human being traveling along yuur journey (apart from maybe 2 posters who come across as a little too scary and I would be anxious if I had to meet IRL!)

Peace and happy things to you. Enjoy the rest of your night if you're still up.

I would not go. She isn't old enough to understand why you and her dad aren't around and 5 days is a long time for a child.

Stop digging Madmadamim

Half way to Australia....

Dh and I went away for 10 days on a special holiday without our children (6 and nearly 2 at the time) it was 2 plane flights away, 8 hours and 7 hours.
It was heaven on earth, such a beautiful place. I missed my kids tho and couldn’t wait to come home, I wouldn’t do it again, but my children couldn’t of cared less they had a holiday with their grandparents and absolutely loved it. No child was seriously effected by not seeing us for a bit, I honestly think I was tho.

@MadMadaMim are you the bride or the groom? Your post is SO OVER THE TOP you've GOT to be one or the other!

www.scot-jcb.com/JCB/48Z-1%20Midi/p-1464

Hazlenutpie

Just adding the pic from your link.

I think weddings abroad are very selfish, I wouldn't be spending my holiday fund and annual leave to spend time away from my DD, how self centred of them.

This thread is two running in parallel....

Op hasn’t posted since Monday evening.

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!

OP we have also been invited to a child-free wedding in Croatia. Same one maybe? It was much easier for us to decline, since my dp is a colleague of the groom and not a relative. Anyway, hope it all works out and you manage to sort it all out.

Don’t want kids at their wedding = bride/groomzilla. More bridezilla I bet though.

Think this thread has run away with itself! I appreciate all the advice as i said before and have now made a decision and life is too short to dwell in all the negative imo. Far from an ideal situation but what else can I do. I have to accept the things I can't change! Again thanks for all the support and recommendations!

@MadMadaMim Nice try at projection here:

If its to respond to further hateful, aggressive, vile, nasty and, in some cases, seemingly deranged, comments - then I politely decline in advance.

Nobody’s comments to you are any of those things. I’m quite surprised you didn’t chuck in “attacked” and “devastated” for good measure.

You’re clearly used to being able to say what you want without being challenged. We can all STILL see your initial rant, you know. Seriously, give it up now and stop digging.

When someone apologises like @MadMadaMim did, that's an act of good faith and should be treated accordingly, the vipers making snide comments after sound quite nasty and troll-like.

I agree LunafortJest but stop @ing her because she's probably hidden the thread! Horrible when you hide a thread and emails keep plopping into your inbox!