Daughter not invited to my brothers wedding abroad

[Alicia870]

My daughter will be approaching 2 when my brother gets married in Croatia. Ive only just found out they are not having children at the wedding and she is not invited. He also wants us all to go out 3 days before the wedding and to stay the day after for other events and gatherings. So it would mean we will have to leave her with dh's parenrs for about 5 days. She is the only niece he has and I can't help but feel upset by this. It's a long time to leave her and I feel like she is part of the family too and can't see how she would do much harm. I wouldn't mind if it was at home as I understand some people don't want kids at a wedding but isn't it a bit much to expect us to go abroad and just leave her for days?

@Uptheapplesandpears I agree with your post (plus all the booming of THEIR WEDDING is pretty grip requiring behaviour) but did you mean to say hatstand or was that a typo? Purely wondering if it's a new expression I can use!

Yes, hatstand. I actually learned that word on here!

What does it mean? Nuts or hypocritical?

The former. Although it was also a hypocritical post, so I can see why you might think that.

Well. Thanks!

Sorry for the hijack OP, if you're there!

I wouldn't go for the whole thing, with or without little one. I did a wedding like that and dd was being kept up all hours to "meet" people to the point she fell asleep and wee'd in my lap despite potty training. I kept losing her at the actual wedding as people kept taking her (yes really!) I think she'd not really understand if you go away for that long. A night or two maybe. Late flight the day before the wedding and then collect the day after so less than 48 hours?

Croatia is beautiful. Ask your PIL's to go with you, and to babysit for the wedding. Then have a family holiday.

What if the PILs don't have the money to go, don't want to spend their holiday babysitting (one of them might still be working), what if the OP cannot afford to take them if the PILs cannot afford to or don't want to go, what if the OP and/or her husband have limited AL and it's not enough to 'have a family holiday' after this multi-day self-serving wedding? What if they don't want to go to fucking Croatia?

I wouldn’t go or go but with someone lined up to babysit on the day if that’s an option?

*"Children make wedding"

My eyes just rolled so far back I swear I caught a glimpse of my brain.*

If you decide not to go because of this issue and your db doesn't change his mind then what he's effectively saying is it's so important that your dd isn't there that it's worth you not being there too.

Dreadful

@FuerzaAreaUruguay Jesus wept. It was a suggestion. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Weddings are about rejoicing in a happy union,two adults And their family & friends
Family & friends include children,to be included not sidelined and uninvited like inconveniences.
I appreciate that cost limits no’s of children,and that may end up family children only
5 day wedding is,IMO,too long and conspicuously overstated and gauche

I think prolonged weddings,& hen weekends are all a showy imposition
Fortunately no one I know is that self centered that they have such ostentatious events

Surely you can see that a weekend involving a flight away and more than one night (usually, often due to flight availability and timings) will cost more.

But not necessarily. And possibly better value.
I have been to two weddings recently. One relatively local ( 45mins away) that I had to drive to because it wasn’t worth the £50 taxi fare or a hotel. I was cold during the day and bored whilst photos were being done. I then had to make sober small talk with a table full of guests I had nothing in common with because the in laws had invited tons of extended family.
The other was 5 hours drive up north which also involved 2 night hotel stay in a town that was no where near the remote venue therefore requiring a taxi fare on top, plus lunch the next day and a bloody long drive back ( requiring one of us to not get completely hammered).
Granny had DS both times.
I would have dearly loved to be using the time going somewhere interesting truth be told.

Some of the posts on here. 😂😂 Madmadamim You are either the OP’s SIL-to-be or a Judgy cockwomble.

SheWoreBlueVelvet In what universe does a night at a Premier Inn and a taxi to & from a wedding cost anywhere near the same as a wedding abroad with 3 days of “celebrations” before hand? Honestly. 🙄

And all the - I wouldn't leave my child for 5 days. My child wouldn't cope without me for 5 days. If this is true, you're failing as parents. Unless there are mitigating circumstances, children should be fine to be without parents and with people they know for this length of time

Bollocks! I used to look after one of my DGS regularly. Coming to the end of each session he would start asking for his parents.

This child will be two. Very few two year-olds will go happily for 5 days without seeing their parents. However close they are to other family.

I also wouldn't bother flying to Croatia for two days, lots of expense and faff for someone who clearly isn't that family orientated.

it's really disrespectful to say she is not invited.

It's also really disrespectful to not accept someone else's decision about an event that's important to them.

The child wont even quite be 2, but that strengthens your point further.

Best comment is the book a babysitter in Croatia.yes book a stranger via an agency or hotel,sorted

Book a different hotel, holiday there as a
Family and only you go to the actual wedding

I see that as the best compromise

But believe me, I'm totally in your corner, it's very bad of him not to include your daughter and to expect you to ship her off for
5 days

No way in hell would I leave my girls that long. And go to another country. Hell no!

Totally agree that @MadMadaMim is the bride

ROFL

Have you ever left your 2 Yr old with its grandparents for 5 days @Madmadamim? I'm interested

We just booked our family hol to Croatia flying Ryanair and it was more than 50 a pop for the plane I can tell you that much.

The 50 is more like cab to airport / parking for a few days if you drive / or train fares.

I do shory hop quite a lot for work and irrespective of headline flight price and flight time, by the time you've factored in everything else, it is never very quick and always costs more with transport costs each end etc.

Agree with nanny ogg some very random suggestions on her!

Mummy I was going to say I think the bride has arrived

MadMadaMim you do realise that it's HER money, HER holidays from work that you are expecting her to give up? Not to mention HER in-laws giving up 5 days of their time to look after HER child?

Either a total wind-up or the bride!

weetabixandshreddies - I'd class that as mitigating circumstances. And they do want guests - just not of the child variety. And as for not knowing grandparents (or anyone else closely enough to feel safe with them) - then yes, I see that as a parental fail. Their child is 2 years old - not 2 months

ihateunclejamie neither.

mookatron yes (not grandparents - my brother), not that I see what difference that makes.