To say if he can't get himself there then he can't rely on others for lifts?

[Februaryblooms]

Me and my DP are non drivers, we live in a busy city where it's easier to use public transport to get to work etc. I manage just fine without ever having asked anybody for a lift. He works down the road from where we are so rarely needs to use public transport himself.

He is in a team who play every weekend, the home ground (and other grounds where they play) are all a considerable distance away and he relies on team mates giving him a lift to get there and back (or part of the way back) every weekend.

They've started to begrudge this and I don't blame them, but then he moans and thinks they're being unreasonable and difficult.

He waits until the day before a game and puts a request in the group chat for a lift, then waits to see if anybody volunteers to take him on the morning of the game.

A lift is looking unlikely for the morning so he's in a huff, as a last resort I've said he can use my contactless bank card to get there but I'm doing so through gritted teeth because I've budgeted down to the last few quid (it'll cost about a fiver to get there and back - but that's coming out of an already tight food budget)

He doesn't have the money to buy his own travel card for another week as his wages are gone as soon as he gets them, he pays the rent and loan repayment, then I buy food gas/electric and we live off my small income which sees us through. We don't have much if any disposable at the end of it, but we have everything we need and don't go without necessities. Money is tight, regardless.

WIBU to tell him he can't rely on other people to give him a lift, and if he doesn't want to cycle for miles every weekend (after working long shifts) he'll just have to find a new hobby?

He's a cheeky cunt.

@IntentsAndPorpoises i was not the only one on this thread to refer to it in a mental health context but thanks for only pulling me up on it. An attempt to goad, im sure.

@PengAly Talking about putting words in people's mouth! I never said any such thing on that thread! Stop lying about me.

Apologies, yours was the only one I saw.

I never said any such thing on that thread! Stop lying about me

I apologised if i got you mistaken. Calm down, i asked a question and you clarified.

@Willow2017 Oh for goodness sake, there is a massive difference between teaching PE at a school where all the equipment is already there, and voluteering to coach at games that require the coach to bring equipment to away games. Seriously, give your own heaad a wobble.

@LunafortJest i checked the thread and it was you. I wanted to make sure before i decide not to engage any further. And you called me the liar. Dont bother responding to me as I won't reply

@PengAly you are lying about me. I never said ANY SUCH THING. You clearly are twisting my words, I NEVER said that "only "attractive breeds" should be outside of the house". And you know it. You are a dirty liar. Provide PROOF of that statement, or else admit you are the LIAR you are.

@IntentsAndPorpoises thank you and no worries :) apologies as im just a little on edge but you are right and i shouldnt have referred to it as a mental health issue

Hi all

This is just a reminder that personal attacks are against talk guidelines.

Peace and love.

Well this is weird.

This thread is batshit. What's with all the rage?

@PengAly you know very well Luna never said anything remotely like that.

Honestly, i didnt get that level of anger to be directed at me. Apologies if it derailed the thread. I just wanted to try to disengage from a poster. Id only brought another thread up as Id suspected the kind of poster they were so wanted to check but im not going to mention that.

Anyways, the ASD side of the OPs post just got to me a bit because i do feel quite sad that he may be really struggling and might benefit from some support. And
To see it getting ignored on here may not help

PengAly the point is you maligned and lied about that poster, they never said anything at all remotely like that, clearly you were losing the argument so decided to wiggle out of it by misrepresenting them maliciously. It says more about what kind of poster you are that you go to such lengths to avoid a debate than it says about them. You lied and you know it.

Hi folks,

Just another plea- can we stop engaging with each other now? We don't want to have to delete the whole thread.

What the fuck have I missed?!

@LilyMumsnet I was lied about by PengAly and you allowed her posts to stay, her posts that break the guidelines by dragging in another thread, while I merely defended myself. Why were my posts deleted while her lies about me, that break the guidelines, allowed to stay?

Im not getting involved in this anymore.

Happy to carry on offering OP advice though

Final request, please stop derailing the thread now.

Bertrandrussell - because it DOES add to petrol costs and wear and tear on the car, it's RARELY A case of the NON driver getting their arse to a place that really is on the way to the place they're going and it IS a favour the driver is doing, even if it just means leaking slightly earlier to allow for the time it takes to stop and the passenger to get in.

The costs issue is NOT bollocks, many people are on very tight budgets currently and needing to way K every penny, cheeky fuckers like OP'S other half are effectively eating into those budgets. Why should the DRIVERS hard work subsidise his hobby?!!

And in this case it's clear there IS extra distance covered so there's definitely inconvenience and extra cost.

I'm also calling bullshit that you are ALWAYS and always have been the lift giver. I'd also question your financial literacy if you think an additional person in a car DOESN'T add to the costs of that journey/running that car overall. The extra weight alone means more fuel is used, if you don't even understand that I'd question you common sense regarding how a car functions!

I've been on both sides of this debate, before and after getting my own licence and I have NEVER ever EXPECTED a lift and always offered petrol money and even when the driver has rejected the offer I've always said thanks at the end of the lift and bought them gifts at birthdays/Christmas as a token of appreciation. To me that's just good manners. I've also been happy to return the favour in other ways (mainly babysitting or feeding pets when they're on holiday type thing)

As a driver I've been happy to give lifts, but the entitled people I haven't continued it. I didn't expect petrol money or gifts but if it were offered agreed an acceptable usually nominal amount but I DID expect thank you's and for it to be appreciated. One ungrateful cow dared to complain that I wasn't leaving work early enough for her liking (she'd nowhere to be she just didn't want to be there. I had a project happening at the time that needed me to be doing occasional overtime for which I was compensated but it was part of the role and she knew this) I was young and less assertive at the time, my ex never really had that problem, he reminded me that I was doing HER the favour and to remind her of that fact, so I did, politely, say that if the arrangement didn't suit she was free to make a different one and that I'd understand - you'd have thought I'd asked her for her first born!! Made it very easy for me to tell her fine forget it! Find some other mug to do it! Which she was unable to do as she'd made the mistake of kicking off at me at work where anyone else able to give her a suitable arrangement witnessed and like hell were they putting up with that.

Asd or no there are certain things that are part of life and being suitably appreciative of favours is one of them. He functions well enough to arrange the lifts I'm pretty certain the least he can do is arrange them with more notice and say thank you and give the driver SOMETHING towards petrol.

Alsohuman too it's not the taking the lifts that's out of order it's the lack of appreciation, the lack of acknowledgment that it IS a favour.

As pps have said if he can function well enough to be in a relationship, hold down a job and participate in a team sport he can understand "people will get pissed off if you act selfish and entitled and aren't appreciative of the FAVOUR they are doing you"